A Chrismukkah Lesson
by storymom
Summary: Rated just in case. To Ctoan, based on her LJ challenge request. Seth's selfish behavior results in Ryan getting injured at the holidays. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Ryan carried the large boxes out to the driveway, as Seth followed behind. "Okay, Ryan, explain to me exactly why we're spending our Saturday doing this?"

As Ryan put the box down, he looked at Seth. "You were there at dinner last night as your mother explained about Julie and the landscapers?" At Seth's blank expression and shrug of his shoulders, Ryan continued, "You know, Julie hiring the landscapers away from your mother to go decorate the haunted mansion so now they can't come here?"

With Seth's continued blank expression, Ryan continued on, "And how disappointed she was that the house wouldn't be ready for the first night of Hanukkah? You know – the first night of Hanukkah being the kick off to your whole Chrismukkah season?"

"So?" Seth shrugged again.

Ryan sighed. "And you were there this morning when your dad explained that they were going shopping today, and how it would be nice if the house somehow got decorated? You did understand the hint, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but no where do I recall anyone saying anything about having to perform manual labor."

"It's decorating, Seth. Not manual labor." Ryan looked at Seth's empty hands before heading back to the garage for the last box of decorations. "Especially for you."

Seth held up his empty hands. "Hey. You're all about the manual labor. I'm all about the…."

"Whining?" Ryan interrupted.

"Supervising. I'm all about the supervising. I don't whine. Well, not much. And besides, you're the one who agreed with Dad this morning about us doing this."

When Ryan stopped and looked at Seth, he added, "You were the one sitting there with that goofy smile on your face and nodding your head in complete suck up agreement."

"You were nodding, too."

"Because you were! I figured you had to be agreeing to something good. Maybe some kind of really great Chrismukkah gift. Not agreeing to slave labor."

Ryan only shook his head as Seth continued. "What? I wasn't listening to what he was saying. I was thinking so when I saw you nod your head, I nodded mine. Should have known you were agreeing to something that I wouldn't like doing."

"You don't like doing something nice for your own mother? Nice. Real nice." Ryan began to open the boxes of decorations.

"You know what I mean." Seth stared down into the box of decorations, and only vaguely heard Ryan mumble, "Not usually."

As Ryan began to pull the decorations out of the box, Seth sat on the front steps. "Don't you even want to know what I was thinking about?"

"Nope."

"I was thinking about Summer. You know, with Alex deciding she preferred the alternative lifestyle thing, maybe it's time I stepped it up in my attempts to win Summer back."

Ryan let out a loud breath as he looked in complete disbelief at Seth. "Please don't tell me you've gone back to stalking Summer? I thought you were over her, man."

"I'm not stalking Summer. I'm wooing her. There's a difference."

Ryan could only mutter, "stalking," as he continued to pull out the holiday decorations.

Seth decided to ignore Ryan's mutterings as he continued with his 'wooing' explanation. "So listen, last night after I was sure Zach had left Summer's house, I placed eight tiny reindeer in the back seat of her car. You know, those crazy beanie baby things. There's a lot of symbolism in that number eight. I've been in love with Summer since the third grade. That's eight years. Santa has eight tiny reindeer. There's eight days of Hanukkah, eight days of Christmas. So if I give Summer eight gifts, containing eight particular items, then she'll understand that we're meant to be together."

Without stopping what he was doing, Ryan said, "Twelve. There are twelve days of Christmas. Not eight."

"Okay. Twelve. But twelve minus four is eight and four times two is eight. So again, with the number eight. I'm telling you, Ryan, by December 8th, which I may add is the first day of Hanukkah, Summer and I will be back together."

"So is it going to take Zach kicking your ass eight more times before you get it that Summer has moved on?"

Seth put his hand over his heart. "You keep saying she moved on. She's just upset. She will get over it. Eventually you'll see, she'll get over it. And I will win her back."

"Seth, you abandoned her. Left her without so much as a decent explanation. That's not something that's easy to get over."

"I left her a note!" Seth exclaimed.

Ryan could only shrug as he tried to explain, "Yeah, Seth. A note? Doesn't help."

"So what do you suggest I do?"

Ryan stopped what he was doing, hoping he could get Seth to listen to him, to finally get it through his head. "Nothing. You do nothing. Just be her friend. Stop with the grand gestures, and accept the fact that sometimes you can't fix the things you've screwed up. Okay?"

"Easy for you to say. You've never driven a girl to lesbianism." At the patent what are you talking about look that Ryan was giving him, Seth continued, "I mean, you start seeing Lindsey and everything is great. I start dating Alex and BAM, she becomes a lesbian."

"Seth," Ryan tried to explain. "You don't just become a lesbian. I doubt Alex just woke up one morning and decided to be a lesbian, not even with dating you."

Seth shrugged his shoulders and pondered what Ryan said. Ryan looked around the yard at the decorations. "Hey, how much money you got on you?"

"Money? Now you're charging me for your advice?"

"No. Although that's not a bad idea. But we need to go get the poinsettias, and I don't think I have enough on me. Plus I'd like to see about getting that big wreath that goes over to door. That way your mother can really tell the landscapers where to go."

Seth looked at his wallet. "I've got about eighty bucks. Hey eight again. It's a sign."

"No, Seth. Not a sign. If you really want to perform some grand gesture, help me finish decorating the yard for your mother. Come on. We have more than enough time to get to the garden center, get the poinsettias and the wreath, get back here and finish decorating before your parents get back."

Seth handed Ryan the money. "You go. I'll stay here. Maybe finish with these decorations."

Ryan headed for the Range Rover. "Fine. But make sure you put the empty boxes away when you're done. That way all we'll have to do is put up the wreath and put the flowers around the front. Don't know when your mom wants to do the inside of the house, but I think she said something about doing it tomorrow."

"Great. More manual labor. Somehow not liking the Chrismukkah season this year." Seth mumbled as he watched Ryan drive away.

When Ryan returned an hour later, he saw that the boxes were still in the driveway, the decorations were not the way they were the year before, and Seth was no where to be found. "If Zach doesn't kick his ass…" Ryan mumbled as he picked up two of the empty boxes and brought them back into the garage.

Ryan finished storing the empty boxes and was about to start working on redoing the lawn decorations when Seth came back outside. When he saw Ryan, he quickly stuffed something into his back pocket. "Oh, hey, sorry. Um, nature called, ya know."

"Yeah, and what part of nature did you just stick in your pocket?" Ryan was actually mildly curious as to what Seth was up to.

"Nothing. Ryan? What are you doing? I just put that stuff out."

As Ryan moved the first reindeer over, he looked around. "This isn't the way it was last year."

"So? It's the Seth Cohen holiday extravaganza decorating style. You don't need to get out the old graphing calculator and measure it out. It's fine."

Ryan moved the other reindeer closer to the first. "It's not fine. They're too far away. We'll never be able to plug them in without running all kinds of extension cords. Look, I'll do this. You start putting the poinsettias around, neatly and the way the landscapers had them last year. The way your mother _likes_ them."

"Uh, Ryan? Why is there a big round tree tied to the roof to the car? And how many poinsettias did you buy?"

Ryan came up behind Seth and looked into the back of the Range Rover. "I tried to remember about how many we had around last year, and then added some just to be sure. And that's not a round tree on the roof. It's the wreath, and it's the same size as the one from last year."

"So it's safe to assume I'm not getting any change back, isn't it? I think I liked it better last year when you didn't _do_ the holidays."

Ryan could only look at Seth and then look back into the back of the car, before sticking his hand into Seth's back pocket and pull out what he was obviously trying to hide.

"Hey! Look, I like a little slap and tickle just as much as the next guy, but Ry? You're not exactly my type."

When he saw that Ryan had gotten a hold of his CD, he tried to grab it back, quickly. "That's mine. Come on, Ryan, give that back."

Ryan smirked and took a step back, keeping Seth at arm's length as he read the title on the CD. "Summer's 8 favorite Holiday Songs." Ryan stopped smirking, shook his head and looked at Seth. "You're hopeless. Really, seriously hopeless."

Seth grabbed the CD away and put it in the garage. "Hopelessly in love. With Summer. And this isn't some grand gesture. Just a small token. Her eight favorite songs. That's cute. Right? Really cute."

Ryan grabbed two of the poinsettias and headed for the front steps. "Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to talk about it. Don't want to know about it. You do what you want and keep me out of it."

Seth carried a poinsettia as he followed behind Ryan. "Its just a small little friendship type gift. Really. Nothing big or grand or expensive. Just a little something."

Ryan grabbed the plant from Seth. "Just a little something with the number eight. Yeah. Don't want to know about it. You bring the plants; I'll put them around. I want to get this done. I still have some homework I've got to get done before I meet up with Lindsey later. We still have work to do before that physics thing on Monday."

Seth could tell from the tone of Ryan's voice that he really didn't want to talk about it any further, and honestly, since Seth couldn't figure out what Ryan's problem was, he was actually content with not talking, for now. He carried most of the plants over to the front step. As Ryan busied himself putting the poinsettias around the front of the house, Seth took eight plants and hid them in the back of the garage.

Seth could only nod when Ryan finished, looked around and asked, "That's it? Hmm, I thought we had more. It looks okay, though, right?" And Seth nodded again. "Okay then, help me get the wreath off the roof of the car."

As they both struggled to untie, then lift the wreath off the top of the car, Seth couldn't help but ask, "Um, Ryan? How do you plan on getting this up above the door?"

"The hook is still in the window pane from last year. All you have to do is climb up the ladder, I'll hand the wreath up to you. Just place it on the hook, straighten it out and we're done."

Seth at first nodded, and then looked at Ryan. "What do you mean, all _I_ have to do? What makes you think I'm putting this monster up? You bought it. You do it."

Ryan shook his head as he looked up at the window above the door. "Uh. Seth. I just can't. Come on. You can do it, no problem."

"I'm not doing it, Ryan. It's too big. I'll never get it up over my head and on the hook. So either you do it or…"

When Ryan didn't immediately answer, Seth shrugged his shoulders and turned towards the garage. "Fine. We'll have to wait till Mom and Dad come home."

Ryan looked up at the window again before looking at Seth walk away. "Fine. I'll do it, but you have to hold the ladder."

As Ryan carried the ladder over to the front steps, he kept telling himself he could do this. It wasn't that high. It wouldn't take that long. Just as long as Seth held the ladder tight, nothing could happen. And they were doing this to make Kirsten happy.

Ryan began to climb the ladder, noting that it was pretty wobbly on the cobble front steps. "Seth. You really need to hold onto this tight. It's not very steady."

"Uh hmm. Yeah. No problem." Seth absentmindedly answered, hearing only half of what Ryan said as he again began to think about what other gifts of eight he could get Summer, and also wonder if she'd found her reindeer yet.

Ryan continued up the ladder awkwardly carrying the wreath, afraid to look down behind him at Seth, not wanting to see how high he was going. He just wanted to get it over with. Get the stupid wreath on the hook, climb down and be done.

Seth looked up and watched as Ryan lifted the monster wreath over his head and attempted to place it on the hook left over from last Chrismukkah. He was happy that they were almost done with their decorating assignment, and he could go back to coming up with original ideas to woo Summer.

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. He smiled when he looked at the display and saw it was Summer calling. Seth gave a quick look up at Ryan and noticed that he some how managed to get the monster wreath on the hook and was doing some anal-retentive straightening. Seth gave another smile as he answered his phone and headed for the garage to get the CD he made for her.

Ryan felt the ladder move again, but didn't want to look down. He figured as long as Seth was holding tight, he would be fine for another minute as he straightened the wreath just a little more to the left. "Seth? How does it look? Is it straight?"

When he didn't get an answer, and then felt the ladder move again, Ryan looked down. "_SETH_!" Ryan shrieked as he and the ladder came crashing down to the ground.


	2. The ER

Seth came out of the garage, dejected by his telephone conversation with Summer. "Can you believe it? She thought the reindeer were from Zach. _ZACH_? What would he know about symbolism? Now she's mad at me because Zach is mad at her. Ryan? Hey Ry?"

It was then that he saw Ryan lying face down on the ground, a slow growing pool of blood surrounding his head and the ladder lying on the ground next to him. Ryan wasn't moving. "Oh My God. Ryan? Oh God. Oh God. No. Please. No. I'm sorry. Please, Ryan."

Seth dropped down next to Ryan and shook his arm gently. "Ryan? Bro? Please tell me you're okay. Come on, wake up and tell me you're okay." But Ryan didn't move, didn't groan, didn't do anything. Seth finally realized he needed help and grabbed his cell phone. He tried to stay calm, until he heard the operator say, "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"Oh, God. My best… my brother… he fell off the ladder. He's not moving. He needs help. You need to come help him. I think he's… I think he's like dead. Please hurry."

"What's your location, sir?"

Seth looked around. "Location? We're in the front yard."

"No, sir. What is your address? I can't track you on a cell phone, I need to know where you are so I can send help."

"Oh." Seth quickly rattled off his home address and once again begged the operator to hurry. As he hung up, he realized he also needed to call his parents. Ryan lay still on the ground as the pool of blood around his head grew.

Seth had to choke back the tears when he heard his mother say, "Hello?"

"Mom? I, um. Oh, God. Mom."

Kirsten quickly began to panic at the tone of Seth's voice. "Seth?! What's wrong? What happened? What's the matter?"

Seth again chocked on his tears as he stuttered out, "Ryan. He fell. He's just lying here. He won't wake up. So much blood. Please Mom, help."

Kirsten was suddenly shouting into the phone. "Blood? What do you mean blood? Seth, please. Please tell me what happened."

"I don't… He was up on the ladder. It must have fallen. I think I killed him."

Seth couldn't contain his emotions any longer and began to cry until he heard Sandy's voice. "Seth. What exactly happened? Did you call 9-1-1?"

Seth took a deep breath and wiped the tears off his face. "Yeah. I can hear them. They're coming. Ryan fell. Off the ladder. Dad, he's not moving, and his head is bleeding really bad."

"Does he have a pulse? Seth, did you check for a pulse?"

Seth looked at Ryan again but couldn't bring himself to check. "No. Um, I don't want to move him. But the ambulance is here. They'll check, right? They'll let me know if he's dead, right?"

"Stay on the phone with me," Sandy said. "I want to know what's going on."

Seth stood up as the ambulance and a police car pulled into the driveway. The attendants quickly surrounded Ryan and began to take care of him. Seth took a step closer as he watched them apply a neck brace, start an IV, take vital signs. Seth figured Ryan couldn't be dead if they were doing all of that and finally got up the nerve to ask. "He's okay. Right? I mean, he's not dead, right?"

The one attendant ignored Seth as he spoke to the hospital, and the other attendant just pushed Seth gently to the side. "Kid, you need to step back. We need to take care of your friend here. Go with the officer and tell him what happened. Wait, what's your friend's name?"

"Ryan. His name is Ryan Atwood."

"Do you know if he has any allergies to medications?"

Seth shook his head, but then heard Sandy say, "Penicillin. Seth, tell them Ryan is allergic to penicillin."

Seth handed the phone over to the attendant. "Oh, here. My dad's on the phone. He can tell you what you need to know."

The attendant looked at Seth strangely. Your dad?"

"Yeah," Seth answered quietly. "Um, my dad is his too. He can help you."

Seth followed the police officer to his car and began to answer his questions, reliving what must have happened in his head over and over again. He kept looking over at the attendants as they quickly moved Ryan onto a stretcher and began to load him into the ambulance. He noticed that Ryan still didn't look like he was moving at all. But if they were hurrying to get him to the hospital, then he couldn't be dead, right?

"What… what's going on?" Seth asked the one attendant as the guy handed him back his phone. The attendant attempted to turn away without answering, but Seth grabbed his arm. "No. Seriously. Ryan's okay, right?"

" Look, kid… what's your name?"

"Seth."

"Look Seth, we need to get your brother to the hospital. Your parents said they'd meet you there." The attendant again attempted to turn and head for the ambulance, only to be stopped by Seth again.

"But that means he's going to be okay, right? He's not going to die, is he?"

The attendant sighed and looked at the ambulance before turning back to Seth. "Ryan's been pretty seriously injured. We really need to get him to the hospital. Now, you need to let go of my arm and let me do my job. The longer you keep me standing here, the longer it will take to get Ryan the help he needs."

Seth stood silent as he watched the attendant close the back of the ambulance and then climb into the driver's seat and drive away. Seth could see into the back of the ambulance as it pulled out of the driveway. He saw the other attendant bent over Ryan so he couldn't see Ryan's face. He continued to stand there, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as if he just watched Ryan leave their house for the last time, and he never got the chance to say good bye. And it was all his fault.

The officer gently touched Seth on his shoulder. "Come on, Seth. I'll drive you over to the hospital."

Seth nodded silently as he climbed into the back of the police car. He remained quiet until he realized he couldn't see the ambulance any longer. "Hey, how come you don't have your lights and sirens on? Isn't this an emergency?"

"Sorry, pal. But this is not considered an emergency. I can transport you to the hospital, but not with lights and sirens. You have to be content on just getting a regular lift from a nice guy."

Seth could only sigh and look out the window as he offered up a silent prayer to both Jesus and Moses that Ryan would be okay. He really needed Ryan to be okay.

Seth jumped out of the car just as soon as the officer pulled into emergency and ran inside, running so fast that he all but slammed into the front desk. "Ryan Atwood?" he stammered to the startled receptionist.

"Excuse me? Ryan Atwood what?"

Seth took a deep breath, and clasped his hands together as he begged. "Please. The ambulance brought in my brother. His name is Ryan Atwood. I want to know if he's okay."

"Your name?"

"Seth. Seth Cohen. Is Ryan okay?"

The receptionist looked at Seth strangely. "Seth Cohen? And your brother's name is Ryan Atwood?"

Seth was trying not to get annoyed, but it was getting hard. This woman wasn't being much of a help wanting to play some kind of name game. "Long story. Please, is Ryan okay?"

"Are your parents here?"

"No. They're not. They're coming soon. Is Ryan okay?"

The receptionist nodded her head as picked up a clipboard of information, causing Seth's heart to skip a beat for a second. "Ryan's okay?"

"Oh, no. I'm sorry. I have no idea how he is. I was nodding that your parents are coming. Here, take these forms and begin to fill them out until your parents get here."

Seth bit his tongue and instead of telling the receptionist what he thought of her and her false hope that Ryan was okay, he asked. "Is there anyone who can tell me if Ryan is okay? I keep asking, and no one will tell me."

The receptionist smiled sweetly and pushed the clipboard a little closer to Seth. "Please begin the forms, and let me know when your parents get here."

Seth could only looked at the forms and then back at the receptionist before turning and sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs. Five minutes later, all he managed to fill out was Ryan's name before approaching the receptionist again. "Please. It's been like hours and no one has told me how Ryan is."

"Are your parents here?"

"No, but…"

"Well, please let me know when they get here." The receptionist again smiled sweetly before turning away from Seth.

Another five minutes passed as Seth stared down at those forms. He couldn't finish them, and he knew the receptionist knew that. What kid knows what kind of insurance coverage his parents have? Seth knew that it was just a stall tactic. They were stalling for time instead of just telling him Ryan was dead.

He slammed the pen down and was about to storm the front desk when he heard his mother's voice. "Seth? What's going on? Where's Ryan? Is he alright?"

"I don't know," Seth whined as Kirsten wrapped her arms around him. "No one will tell me anything. They just keeping asking for you guys and telling me to fill out these stupid forms."

Sandy looked at the forms in Seth's hands before silently turning and heading for the receptionist. Seth looked on as the receptionist left and a guy in a white coat quickly replaced her. He assumed it was the doctor as he watched Sandy and this guy talk quietly. Seth started to walk over to hear what they were saying, but Kristen stopped him. "Let your dad handle this."

The grim look on Sandy's face as he returned to his family told Seth that the news wasn't good. It was Kirsten who finally asked, "How's Ryan? What'd they say?"

Sandy sighed first. "They're taking Ryan up to surgery now. The tests show some internal bleeding, and his blood pressure is dangerously low. They need to operate to stop the bleeding."

Kirsten grabbed hold of Seth's hand and squeezed tightly. "Can we see him first?"

Sandy shook his head. "No. The doctor said they need to move pretty quickly, plus Ryan's not conscious. Some kind of head trauma and some other injuries. The doctor said to just finish filling out the forms for Ryan's chart and then someone will show us up to the surgical waiting room. It's going to be a few hours before they'll know any more."

"But he's not dead? I mean he's going to be okay, right?" At least Seth could hold onto the fact that Ryan wasn't dead. That meant he had to be okay.

"It's too early to tell, son. All we can do is wait." Sandy took the forms from Seth and sat down to fill them out. Kirsten sat down next to Sandy and laid her hand on his thigh. Seth waited for one of them to ask him what happened, but neither one of them did. They just quietly mumbled to each other the answers to the questions on the forms as if that was all that was important at that moment.


	3. The Waiting

Once the all-important forms were completed, a candy striper showed the Cohens to the surgical waiting room, and the waiting began. And with the waiting came the questions.

Sandy paced the floor, as Kirsten sat in her seat, twirling her wedding ring around and around. It was Kirsten who spoke first. "Seth. What happened? You said something about a ladder. What ladder? What was Ryan doing on a ladder?"

"Um," Seth said. "He was hanging the wreath."

"Wreath? What wreath?"

"The one that goes over the door outside."

Kirsten looked at Seth before looking at Sandy, trying to understand what Seth was trying to tell her or not tell her. "I asked the boys this morning if they wouldn't mind decorating the front of the house while we were shopping. I didn't think they'd also do the wreath."

Sandy and Kirsten both stared at Seth as he swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at his feet. "Ryan said he knew Mom was upset about the landscapers and Julie, so after he took out the decorations, he went down to the garden center and bought the poinsettias and the wreath so he could finish everything. That way when the landscapers called Mom next week, she could tell them to get lost."

Kirsten could only give a slight "Awww," as she realized just how sweet and kind this gesture was, but Sandy noticed that Seth only mentioned what Ryan did. "Ryan put out the decorations. Ryan went to the garden center. Ryan knew your mom was upset. What did Seth do?"

Seth only shrugged his shoulders as he continued to recount what happened while still looking at his feet. "I was there. I gave him my money to go to the garden center. I helped put out some of the decorations, but he changed them to be like last year. He wanted everything to be just like last year."

Sandy was slowly getting a sense of exactly what it was Seth was trying really hard not to say. "But what was Ryan doing up on the ladder?"

Seth looked up at his father for a moment. He thought he already answered that question. "I told you, he was hanging the wreath."

"I mean, if you were there, why was it Ryan up on the ladder? You're not afraid of heights."

"So you'd rather it was me who fell off the ladder?"

Sandy decided not to dignify Seth's question with an answer. "How did the ladder fall?"

"Um…"

Kirsten finally began to see where the conversation between the two was going, and she didn't like it. "Seth. What happened?"

"I don't know how to ladder fell," Seth said quickly. "I wasn't there."

"You just said you were there. Where were you? Why did Ryan go up on the ladder alone?"

"He didn't. He thought I was there."

Sandy raised his voice as he took a step closer to Seth. He wanted answers, and he wanted them immediately. "Where were you? What happened?"

Seth looked from his father to his mother before looking down at his feet again, ashamed of himself. "I didn't want to hang the wreath. It was huge. But Ryan insisted. He wanted everything to be perfect. So he went up on the ladder and told me to hold it steady. I thought he was done so when my phone rang, I answered it and went into the garage to get something. When I got back, Ryan was on the ground."

"Ryan was still up on the ladder when you walked away?" Sandy asked.

"Yes."

"Anything else?"

"No." Seth hesitated for a second before adding, "I'm sorry."

Kirsten looked at him, then at Sandy before sighing and sitting back down in her seat. Sandy stared at Seth for a moment before meeting Kirsten's gaze and then he too sighed loudly and turned away. Seth waited for the yelling and/or lecturing to begin, but no one said anything. Both of his parents quietly continued not looking at him. "I am so so sorry, and I swear, just as soon as Ryan's out of here, I'm going to make this up to him. I promise, this will be the best Chrismakkuh he's ever had."

"Seth…" Kirsten started but then stopped and looked at Sandy.

"We'll talk about this later, Seth." Sandy sat down next to Kirsten and put his arm around her.

"I'm just saying," Seth continued, "I know I owe Ryan big time for this, and in a few days when he's feeling better, I promise to make it up to him."

Kirsten just stared at Seth with a look that he didn't really recognize before shaking her head and looking down at her hands.

"No, really, Mom…" Seth started before Sandy snapped, "Seth! I said we will talk about this later." His tone left no room for argument, and no one said anything further.

After what seemed like an eternity of quietness, Kirsten finally asked, "Who was on the phone?"

"Huh?"

"Whose call was so important that you would let go of the ladder and walk away?"

"Um, Summer. She was calling about the Chrismakkuh present I left in her car. See, I got this idea…"

Kirsten just held up her hand, stopping Seth from continuing his explanation. She then let out a loud groan and laid her head in her hands as Sandy gently rubbed her back.

"Mom…" Seth tried again, but the glare he got from his father shut him up quickly.

There was nothing left to say as the three waited and watched television and read through the old magazines and drank the free, horribly water-downed coffee. They took turns pacing the floor and moved from one chair to another and each sighed at different times. And each offered up their own silent prayers for Ryan to be all right.

Seth finally cracked under the extreme silence and slammed his magazine down on the table. "What is taking so long? Dad, you said it would only be a few hours. It's been, like, forever and nothing. Do you think they forgot we were even here? Mom, go tell them who grandpa is and get some answers."

"Seth," Kirsten said. "It's not that simple. I'm sure someone will come talk to us just as soon as they know anything, either way."

"Either way? What do you mean either way?"

"Seth," Sandy continued for Kirsten. "The doctor said Ryan was seriously injured. Gravely injured. At this point, no news is probably good news."

Seth looked from Sandy to Kirsten and then back to Sandy. "What do you mean gravely injured? Gravely injured as in… as in Ryan might not be okay?"

Kirsten quickly pulled a couple of twenties out of her wallet and handed them to Seth. "Why don't you go get us all something to eat? It's way past lunchtime, and who knows when we'll be able to get some dinner. Okay?"

Seth looked at the money in his hand as he nodded and turned to leave. He glanced over his shoulder at his mother. "Let me know if you hear anything." He then quickly walked away. He needed to get away and try to wrap his head around what they just said. As Seth wandered through the hospital corridors looking for the cafeteria, all he could think about was that Ryan might not be okay.

By the time he finally entered the hospital cafeteria and began to load his tray with sandwiches and salads, he had convinced himself that his parents were wrong. Ryan would be okay. Ryan was always okay. He was Ryan after all. Seth began to whistle as he waited in line to pay, but jumped at the hard slap he received to the back of his head. As he turned around, he expected to see his father or maybe his mother and was shocked to see Summer standing there in her candy striper outfit.

"Cohen! I can't believe you followed me here! I'm warning you, if you don't stop, I will tell my father to have you killed. Remember, he works here. He knows how to use a scalpel so just… leave!"

"First of all, OW!" Seth said as he rubbed the back of his head. "And second, I didn't follow you here. I didn't even know you were working today."

"So, what, you just like eating here? You're into the hospital food?"

"No. I'm here… There was an accident. Ryan got hurt. He's upstairs."

"Upstairs? Upstairs where? What happened?"

Seth looked at Summer for a minute before turning his head. "He fell. Off a ladder. He's in surgery now. My mom asked me to come get some lunch while we wait."

Summer paused a minute before slapping Seth's arm. "Cohen! Why didn't you call me? Ryan's in surgery? Is he okay? I mean, I guess he's not okay if he's in surgery, but is he going to be okay?"

Seth shrugged his shoulders as he pulled out the money and paid for the tray of food. He began to walk away, but Summer grabbed his arm. "Cohen! Is Ryan going to be okay?"

"I don't know. My dad… My mom… No one knows anything yet. I've got to get back in case they know something."

Seth didn't say anything further as he carried the tray of food out of the cafeteria and headed back to his parents, with Summer following close behind. As they continued back to the surgical waiting room, Seth filled Summer in on the accident – almost everything, that is. He was just finishing telling Summer that he knew Ryan would be okay, since he was Ryan when they got back to the waiting room.

One look at his parents' faces and Seth dropped the lunch tray. Sandy was white and Kirsten was holding a tissue, dabbing her eyes. "What? What is it? Ryan's not okay, is he? I did it. I actually killed him, didn't I?"

"No, sweetie. You didn't kill him." Kirsten wiped her eyes and smiled slightly at Seth.

"Ryan's been moved to Recovery. He'll be there for a while before being moved to I.C.U." Sandy said as he watched Summer pick up the tray of food.

"So he's okay? Or he's going to be okay, right?" Seth again looked from his father to his mother, forgetting for once that Summer was standing right next to him.

"The doctor says he's strong so barring any complications, he should be. In time. But there was some internal bleeding. They had to remove his spleen. And he suffered a head injury; something called a grade three concussion. Plus some other injuries including a fractured ankle, a dislocated shoulder and some bruising to his lungs and ribs."

Seth couldn't believe how the relief swept over him. He heard what his father said, the seriousness of Ryan's injuries, but at least he wasn't dead. He was Ryan – he was going to be okay. And now Seth could make it up to him. "When can I see him?"

Kirsten rubbed his arm. "Not for a while. He probably won't be awake for a few days, and then he'll be pretty weak. He's going to need a lot of time. Your dad and I can see him once they move him to I.C.U. and one of us can stay with him during the night."

Seth nodded as Summer spread out lunch across the coffee table. "Lunch is ready. Maybe we can eat while we wait."

The waiting room again became exceptionally quiet, but this time it didn't bother Seth as much as now the four of them waited and picked at their food. After they were finished and Summer cleaned up, she smiled and excused herself, promising to check in on Ryan later. Seth sat in the chair and closed his eyes while Sandy and Kirsten watched him and continued to wait.

They both breathed another sigh of relief when the doctor returned and told them Ryan had been moved to I.C.U, and they could finally see him. Sandy and Kirsten smiled at each other as Sandy grabbed Kirsten's hand and they walked together into Ryan's room.

Despite the doctor's warning, neither was prepared when they actually saw Ryan. His head was bandaged, the left side of his face was bruised, and his arm was immobilized in a sling. It was obvious under the covers that his left leg was bigger then his right due to the cast, and Kirsten could only imagine the bandages that were wrapped around his chest and stomach. The doctor told them that Ryan would remain hooked up to a respirator for the next few days, but it was still a shock to see the tube coming out of Ryan's mouth in addition to all the other machines and IV's that were attached to Ryan. Had they not see the name "ATWOOD" written on the front of his chart, it would have been almost impossible to tell that it was even Ryan lying in that bed.

Kirsten felt the tears welling up in her eyes again as she bent down and kissed Ryan's right cheek. "Oh God, Sandy. He looks so…"

"I know, but he's strong. He'll be okay. Given time, he'll be okay." Sandy couldn't help but reach down and squeeze Ryan's right hand before giving Kirsten a kiss on her cheek. He then pulled up a couple of chairs so they could sit right next to the bed.

They both continued to sit quietly next to Ryan's bed, losing track of time as they listened to the beeps and steady clicking of the machines. Sandy finally spoke first. "I guess one of us should take Seth home."

Kirsten nodded. "Do you know what you're going to say to him?"

"No. Not yet. I was thinking of maybe waiting until tomorrow. Let him think about it overnight before approaching the subject."

Kirsten again just nodded as Sandy stood up and kissed the top of her head. It was never a question as to which one of them would be spending the night with Ryan.

Sandy found Seth pacing outside the doors of the I.C.U. "How is he, Dad? Nothing's changed, right? He's still going to be okay?"

Sandy nodded as he headed for the elevator. "Nothing's changed, Seth. Come on, let's go home, get some dinner and some sleep. Your mom is staying with Ryan, and I'll come back in the morning."

Seth waited for the lecture to start, but his father said nothing. Not as they left the hospital, not when they got into the car, not even as they headed out of the parking lot and towards home. Seth figured maybe they weren't really all that mad at him. It was, after all, just an accident. Seth stared at the window, thinking about the day's events and finally mumbled, "Ya had to get the ginormous wreath, didn't ya, Ryan."

Seth's head jerked forward as Sandy slammed on the breaks. "Are you saying this is Ryan's fault?"

"No. Um, no," Seth stuttered. "I mean, he was just doing what you asked him to do."

"So this is now my fault?" Sandy shouted.

"No…" Seth started.

All the anger Sandy had been suppressing during the day finally came rushing to the surface. "Or maybe it's your mother's fault for wanting the house decorated for the holidays. No, wait, it's Julie's fault for hiring the landscapers away from your mother. No, no. It's your grandfather's fault for marrying Julie in the first place."

"I was just saying…"

"I know what you were just saying. And it stinks. This is _your_ fault, Seth. No one else's. Not Ryan's, not mine, not your mother's, not Julie's, not your grandfather's. Ryan is in the hospital because of you, because you walked away from him. Because you let him down."

"Dad…" Seth felt the tears in his eyes again. It hurt to hear his father say it, to tell him something he couldn't yet admit to himself.

Sandy exhaled loudly as he continued towards home. "Let's just drop it for now. We'll go home and get something to eat, and talk later."

Seth stared out the window until they pulled into their driveway. As he climbed out of the car, he saw the ladder still lying on its side and the dark pool of what he knew was blood, Ryan's blood, on the sidewalk. "Oh, God," Seth sobbed as he ran into the house. Sandy could hear him running up the stairs and heard the bedroom door slam shut.

"Damn," Sandy muttered as he carried the ladder back to the garage and got a bucket of hot soapy water and a scrub brush. As he knelt on the ground and tried to scrub away Ryan's blood, Sandy too felt the hot tears welling up in his eyes.

After Sandy finished hosing the blood off the sidewalk, he went into the house, made something for dinner, called the hospital to check in on Ryan, and then headed up the stairs to talk to Seth.

He was about to knock on Seth's door, when he heard something he hadn't heard in years. He heard Seth's loud, heaving sobs. Sandy stood outside the door, listening to his son's cries, and decided for once, he would not offer his words of comfort. For once, he would let Seth think about it and try to come to terms with what happened on his own. Sandy knew that if they were going to get passed this, Seth was going to have to learn from this. And as much as Sandy hoped that would happen, he also wondered if Ryan would also be able to come to terms with what happened and somehow learn to forgive Seth.


	4. Disappointed

Seth was surprised when he opened his eyes and saw the sun up. That meant he had literally cried himself to sleep. He was even more surprised when he realized that his dad never came up to finish their talk, tell him everything would be okay and help him figure out how to fix it with Ryan. He showered quickly and hurried downstairs, figuring that even if his dad was still really mad, they could at least talk over breakfast before they left for the hospital.

It was quiet when Seth got downstairs. He looked in the kitchen and found an empty coffee cup and a note from his dad stating that he already left for the hospital, his mother should be home soon and there was no change in Ryan's condition. Seth grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel and sat at the bar, trying to figure out what he should do next. He didn't need to ponder it too long before he remembered it was Sunday, the day his mother wanted to decorate the inside of the house. If this was going to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah ever, Seth needed to get the inside of the house ready. Seth left both his coffee and his bagel at the bar and hurried to drag out the decorations.

Seth was knee deep in the holiday decorations a few hours later when he heard the door open. "Hey, Mom. You're home. How's Ryan?"

"The same."

"And that's a good thing, right?"

Kirsten sighed. "All things considered, Ryan is doing as well as can be expected." She knew she was pretty much just regurgitating what the doctor told her not an hour earlier, but she was tired.

"Can I see him today?" Seth sounded so anxious and like such a little boy that Kirsten couldn't help but give him a slight smile.

"Probably not. He's still in I.C.U."

"How long will he be there?"

"Until he's awake."

"And that would be…"

"They're hopeful that it'll be sometime tomorrow."

Seth only nodded and looked down into the box of decorations. "Mom, I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm going to go take a shower and then try to take a nap. We can talk later." Kirsten knew what had happened between Sandy and Seth the night before; Sandy told her. And she felt for her son and what he must be feeling, but she really was too tired to want to deal with it at that particular moment.

"Don't you want something to eat first? I can make you something." Seth was anxious not to let her go. He didn't want to talk later. He wanted to talk now. He wanted to hear that it was all going to be okay.

"No thanks. Your dad brought me something earlier, and I'll probably meet him for lunch later."

"Mom…" Seth was a little surprised to hear his voice crack. "Please, I'm sorry."

"Seth. I said I know. I believe you, but right now I'm tired and worried and…"

"Mad." Seth finished.

Kirsten looked at her son standing amongst the holiday decorations and shook her head. "No, Seth. We're not mad. We're…" Kirsten hesitated. "We're disappointed."

And with that, there was nothing more to say, so Kirsten turned towards the bedroom. Seth stood silent for a minute. Disappointed. They were disappointed. That was somehow just so much worse than being mad. When they were mad, they would yell, lecture and ground. Disappointed was harder to fix. It was reserved for those times when he really messed up, but as Seth thought about it a little bit more, he realized walking away from a ladder and letting the guy you consider to be a brother crash to the ground was probably his biggest screw up ever.

Seth quietly continued to work on the decorations, trying his hardest to remember how it looked the year before, but the word about Ryan must have spread quickly because it wasn't long before the phone started to ring. Summer apparently told Marissa, because she called first, and Seth had to explain to her how he let Ryan down. Then his grandfather called, and again Seth explained the story. Summer also called for an update and to once again remind him of what an ass he was. Even Luke called since Marissa apparently called him. So after Seth again explained his massive screw up, Luke being Luke promised to kick Seth's ass on his next visit to Newport. Seth also remembered to call Alex and tell her he needed an 'as yet undetermined amount of time' off from toilet cleaning, and she too offered to kick his ass. His next call was to Lindsey since he remembered Ryan said something about having some sort of physics thing with her on Monday. Seth just wished he could remember what thing Ryan had, but Lindsey wasn't home to ask.

The four stockings were the last of the holiday decorations that Seth put up. He then put away all the boxes and took a look around. It looked just like last year, and Seth was slightly proud of himself that he was actually able to remember what the house looked like the year before – Ryan's first year with them, his first Chrismukkah. All things considered, they had a great holiday, better than any Seth ever remembered, and he knew that was all due to Ryan being there, Ryan being part of their family.

Seth's next self-imposed assignment was to decorate the pool house. Okay, so the year before Ryan knocked the wreath off the door, but this year he seemed more into the holidays, more into being a Cohen, so Seth figured Ryan would be more into decorations as well. He was just finishing making the pool house Chrismukkah friendly when Lindsey came flying in.

"Seth! Where is he? I've been calling since yesterday. We have to finish our physics project! He didn't meet me at the library. He didn't even call me. What's going on?"

Seth held up one hand in an attempt to slow Lindsey down. "So, I guess this means you didn't get my message this morning."

"Message? No, I've been at the library waiting for Ryan. Where is he?"

"He's in the hospital. There was an accident…"

"Accident? But he's okay, right?"

Seth sighed as he once again began the story and hated the look in Lindsey's eyes as his words began to sink in. "Can I see him?"

"No, but neither can I. Only my parents for now."

Lindsey nodded as she cast her eyes down and turned towards the door. "So then I guess I'll go. But call me, okay? And give Ryan my best. Well, when he wakes up, I mean."

"No, wait. What about your physics thing?"

"I don't think it really matters at this point. It's due tomorrow, and Ryan won't be able to… I mean, he can't exactly… Um, it's not important."

Lindsey again turned to leave, but Seth grabbed her arm. "But it is important. It's important to you, and it's important to Ryan. I can help. I want to help. Please. Come on, we have Ryan's backpack, and I'm sure it has all the information we need. Let's just go into the kitchen, put our heads together and finish your project. For Ryan. Please?"

Despite her better judgment, Lindsey again nodded and followed Seth out of the pool house and into the kitchen. It just didn't seem right to continue working on their project while Ryan was unconscious in the hospital, but they had been working really hard. And if Seth could help, they could probably finish it. Mr. Greenberg did say any projects that he thought were exceptional, he would be submitting to the upcoming physics fair, and that meant the potential for awards, recognition and scholarship money – everything Lindsey needed if she was really going to go to Yale.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as Lindsey first rationalized. Seth wasn't exactly Ryan when it came to physics, plus they didn't have all of Ryan's data, and they had a lot of trouble reading Ryan's handwriting. Lindsey finally threw her pen down in disgust. "This is hopeless. We can't do this. It's impossible."

"No. Come on, we can do it. Really, I think I've got this part figured out." Seth held up Ryan's notebook. "Okay, so just tell me, is this word celibate?"

Lindsey squinted at the notebook, then pulled it out of Seth's hand and looked closer. "I think it's cancel or maybe channel."

"Well, both make more sense then celibate. Unless your project has to do with…" One look at Lindsey's face and Seth decided not to continue. "Yeah. Bad time to joke, I guess."

Lindsey chose not to answer as Kirsten came rushing into the kitchen. "Seth, I'm going to go now. Your dad should be home later. Oh, hi Lindsey. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Yeah. I was just helping Lindsey with some homework. What's the rush? Is everything okay? I mean, nothing happened, right?"

Kirsten shook her head. "No. Your dad said everything's fine. Well, not fine, but everything is the same. But the doctor is supposed to come by sometime this afternoon, and I want to be there when he does."

"But what about lunch? I was just going to offer Lindsey something to eat. I could grill us something."

"No, thanks. I'll have lunch at the hospital." Kirsten was about to leave when she noticed Ryan's book bag and notebook on the table. "What homework is that? That's not… Oh, Lindsey, the physics project, the one you guys were hoping Mr. Greenberg would submit. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Seth's been helping. We're… getting it done."

Kirsten could only look at Seth, not bothering to hide her surprise as Seth gave her a small shrug and half a smile. She knew 'thank you' really wasn't appropriate so she said nothing to him and turned her attention back to Lindsey, "Well, I have to call the school tomorrow and tell Dr. Kim about Ryan. Maybe I could explain it to Mr. Greenberg as well and see if he could give you an extension."

"No, really, it's okay. Seth's helping. I… Really, don't worry about it. It'll be fine." Lindsey gave Kirsten a slight smile. She would love to get an extension, like until Ryan was better. Since that wasn't going to be possible, Lindsey didn't want them to have something else to worry about.

Kirsten couldn't help but return Lindsey's smile, even if it was mixed with sadness. "Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry about this. I know how excited you and Ryan were about this project. You must be so disappointed."

Seth cringed at his mother's use of the word "disappointed" again. He quickly changed the subject. "So, Mom, you sure you don't want some lunch? Remember, I am the grill master now. Gourmet Seth-burgers?"

"No, really, Seth. Thank you, but I really should go. Your dad should be home for dinner. Maybe you guys can grill then."

Seth jumped and took a step closer to his mom. He couldn't believe how tense it still was between them and desperately wanted to come up with something that would help. "Maybe I could meet you guys at the hospital later?"

"They won't let you see Ryan."

"I know, but maybe I can eat with you guys. You know, maybe just peek in on Ryan. Maybe…"

"No, Seth. You won't be allowed in." Kirsten didn't want to hurt him but had to admit, "It would just be easier if you stayed home today."

Seth looked down at his feet and nodded. "Okay. I'll, um, finish helping Lindsey, and then I'll, ah, maybe I'll clean up the house." Seth did look up long enough to ask, "Did you see the decorations? I did finish them. Nice, huh?"

"Yes, Seth. They're nice." Kirsten leaned closer to him and kissed the air next to his cheek. "So I guess I'll see you later."

Seth could only hold up in his hand as a small goodbye as he watched his mother leave. Lindsey had been quietly watching everything and waited until she heard the front door shut. "God, she seems so sad."

"Disappointed."

"Huh?"

Seth sat back down in his chair. "She's disappointed. In me."

Lindsey folded her arms on the table in front of her and leaned forward. She wanted to appear to be as serious as she felt. "Do you really think this is all about you? Don't you think that maybe she's also really worried and upset about Ryan?"

"Oh, no. I know she is," Seth added quickly. "I'm just saying Ryan wouldn't be in the…where he is if I hadn't… If I just… If I wasn't being me."

"Being me? That's how you explain what happened? Seth, can I just ask? How high was that ladder?"

"You didn't see the wreath above the door when you got here?"

"No. I didn't come through the front door. I came around the back to the pool house."

Seth nodded as he stood up. "Come on, I'll show you."

Lindsey collected her books and Ryan's notebook before she followed Seth to the front door. She figured she'd do a better job on the project alone, plus she didn't want to admit that she was really annoyed at Seth at that point. Seth waited until she joined him on the front steps and then he pointed up towards the window high about the front door. Lindsey looked up to where Seth was pointing. She never realized how high up that window above the door was. "You guys must have one big ladder to reach all the way up there!"

Seth only nodded again as he looked down, away from the window and the images of Ryan up on the ladder that were still very vivid in his mind. "I just wish there was something I could do," he finally mumbled.

"I don't know what to tell you. Look, I'm going to go. I have Ryan's notebook. Please call me as soon as you hear anything, okay?"

Lindsey started down the front steps but Seth stopped her. "I thought we were doing lunch. You know, Seth-burgers."

"No, thanks. Not really hungry. Bye. Call me."

Seth stood on the front steps watching Lindsey drive away until he could no longer see her old beat up car. Then he stood there a little while longer, looking down at the spot where he found Ryan. It sent shivers down his spine so Seth quickly turned and went back into the house.

Seth wandered through the house, not exactly sure what he wanted to do. The house was so quiet and big and empty and lonely. He told his mother that maybe he would clean something, but he looked around. There was nothing to clean. He couldn't bring himself to Play Station it alone, and he didn't find anything on television. Five hundred channels and not a thing to watch, his father's favorite line. Seth finally found himself standing in the pool house. Ryan's pool house. There wasn't anything to clean there, either. Ryan was too damn neat. Seth did find a pair of Ryan's jeans laying over one of the bar stools and decided he could maybe hang them up for Ryan. That was at least a little bit of help.

Ryan's closet was also way too neat in Seth's opinion as he stepped in to hang up the pants. All Ryan's shirts hung in a row, followed by his pants, then his jackets, and finally his dress clothes. The same with his shoes. All lined up in a neat, organized row. At the end of the row of shoes, Seth noticed a Barnes & Noble bag with a roll of Hanukkah wrapping paper sticking out.

Another thing he could do, Seth thought as he grabbed the bag. He could wrap Ryan's Hanukkah gifts for him. As Seth sat on Ryan's bed, he shook his head. Only Ryan would buy his own Hanukkah wrapping paper. Seth either used what his parents had or used Christmas wrapping paper. Hanukkah paper wasn't all that easy to find in Newport Beach.

They had all agreed the week before that if Seth and Ryan both insisted on getting Kirsten and Sandy Hanukkah gifts, they would be small, token gifts. Nothing big or expensive. Seth had picked up surfboard wax for his dad and some perfume for his mom. Both items were small and although his mother's was more expensive then his father's, both were still modestly priced. Seth noticed as he pulled Ryan's gifts out of the bag that Ryan had put a little more thought into his. Ryan managed to find Stephen King's autobiography, "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft," and pre-ordered Stephen King's latest book, "The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla" which wasn't coming out until January. Seth felt a twinge of jealousy that Ryan had remembered that Sandy had the rest of "The Dark Tower" series, and not until after Seth saw the book did he remember that Sandy had mentioned wanting to read King's autobiography. Seth wrapped up the book and the gift certificate, vowing that he was going to take the surfboard wax back and find something better for his dad.

He then looked over Ryan's gift to Kirsten. A whole collection of those sappy love stories that they all teased Kirsten about reading, a box of Earl Gray tea and a big box of microwave popcorn – everything for Kirsten to curl up on the couch on a semi-cool Newport night. As Seth wrapped up those gifts, he again promised that the perfume was going back and his mom was getting a better gift, too.

Seth reached into the bag one more time to see what else was there. He stared at the last gift in his hand and then felt himself on the verge of tears again. Seth mentioned, just once, in passing, on the plane ride home from Portland that Luke got him hooked on The Matrix. And despite mentioning it only that one time, in passing, here in Seth's hand was The Ultimate Matrix DVD Collection. "Damn, Ryan. I am so sorry," Seth whispered as he wrapped up his own gift from Ryan.

Seth stared down at the gifts lying on Ryan's bed, all wrapped and ready for Hanukkah. Suddenly the gifts got blurry as Seth felt the tears again in his eyes. Since he was still home alone, he didn't stop the tears and once again found himself bawling over what happened and what he was afraid was going to happen once Ryan woke up.

It was dark outside when Seth woke up and realized he had once again cried himself to sleep – this time on Ryan's bed. He slowly rose off the bed and noticed that his dad still wasn't home; despite the fact Ryan's clock said it was 6:30. Seth wandered out of the pool house and into the kitchen. He figured he should make himself something to eat, since it appeared his father wasn't going to be joining him for dinner. He tried calling the hospital, but since he wasn't a parent, the nurse wouldn't give him any status on Ryan.

Seth was just finishing making his sandwich when his dad came in. Seth didn't say anything as he handed his plate to his father and turned to make another sandwich. He didn't see the look of surprise in his father's face as he lowered his head and began to cut a roll. Sandy grabbed two sodas from the refrigerator and carried them and his sandwich over to the table. He waited until Seth joined him before starting to eat. For two talkative people, neither one of them seemed to know what to say, how to start the conversation.

Seth finally mumbled, "Ryan?"

"The same."

"That's good, right?"

Sandy nodded and shook his head, almost at the same time, which was confusing to say the least. "It's good and it's bad."

When he heard Seth suck in his breath, Sandy quickly continued, "I shouldn't say bad. Not really bad. Just not as good as I think they wanted. They were kind of hoping for some more, um, reaction from Ryan."

"Reaction?"

"More awake."

"But Mom said tomorrow." Seth was suddenly feeling very panicky. Was his dad really insinuating that Ryan wasn't going to be okay?

Sandy again nodded, and luckily didn't shake his head as well. "They're still hopeful. But they will do another CT Scan in the morning, just to make sure everything is how it should be."

Seth was still confused. "If they think Ryan's going to wake up tomorrow and be okay, then why do they need to do more tests?"

"Seth," Sandy said slowly, "even if Ryan wakes up tomorrow, you've got to understand he's not going to be okay."

Seth's sandwich was suddenly very dry, and he found it almost impossible to swallow what was in his mouth, what with the large lump that was stuck in his throat. Sandy put his sandwich down as he looked at Seth. "You do understand the severity of Ryan's injuries? That waking up doesn't make Ryan all right?"

"But Mom said…" Seth started but didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Sandy let out a loud sigh and then rubbed his forehead with his hand. He folded his hands in front of him and began to explain to his son. "Ryan is going to have a long road a head of him before…"

Seth couldn't help but interrupt. "But this is supposed to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah. I mean, there won't be any Marissa drama, and I'm working hard to make sure everything is perfect for him, for all of us."

"Seth!" Sandy said a little harsher then he intended. "This is not going to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah. It's not going to be good at all. Ryan will probably spend most, if not all, of Hanukkah in the hospital. And even though he should be home by Christmas, he probably won't be able to get out of bed. At the very most, he'll probably be able to lie on the couch."

Seth stared down at the table, trying to fully comprehend what his dad was saying. "I just thought..." he weakly started to say.

Sandy stared at Seth and waited until Seth looked him in the eyes before starting, "Let's start with the less serious injuries. Ryan's left shoulder was dislocated. It will remain in a sling for about three weeks. After that, Ryan will need physical therapy to regain full mobility. His left ankle was fractured. It will remain in a cast for about six to eight weeks. He will need physical therapy for that as well. The bruising to his ribs and lung is healing nicely, but breathing will continue to be pretty painful for a while. The laceration on his head will leave a scar. But they're more concerned about what effects the concussion will have. There's a very distinct possibility that Ryan won't remember the accident, and he's going to have a pretty bad headache. Plus he may suffer from dizziness, fatigue, irritability, nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light, difficulty concentrating, double vision and confusion. These symptoms can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before they go away completely. They won't know for sure which, if any, of these symptoms Ryan will suffer from until he wakes up."

Sandy paused for a moment before continuing in his monotone, lawyer sounding repeat of what the doctor told them earlier. He wanted Seth to understand that much before he moved on.

When he saw Seth close his eyes and take a deep breath, he continued, "As for the loss of his spleen, Ryan will now require yearly flu shots and long term antibiotics. Long term as in possibly two full years, depending on how well Ryan does. They usually prescribe penicillin, but since Ryan's allergic to that, they will need to prescribe something else. There was a drainage tube in place for the first twenty-four hours, but the doctor removed that just before I left. The incision is about 10" long, and that too will be a scar. A very large scar, going down Ryan's abdomen."

Even though Seth still had his eyes closed, Sandy noticed the tears that had escaped and were silently rolling down his cheeks. He reached over and gave Seth's hand a squeeze.

"I'm not going to be able to make this up to him, am I?" Seth finally whispered.

Sandy again squeezed Seth's hand. "I'm not sure. I don't know how Ryan's going to feel when he wakes up. I think he's going to be pretty mad and probably very hurt. Will he be able to get over it? I don't know. I hope so. We'll just have to make sure he knows we're here for him and go from there."

"Do you think he'll want to leave Newport? Never see us again? Never want to talk to me again?"

Sandy shook his head. "I don't think so. He won't be in any condition to go anywhere for a while, and your mother and I aren't going to just let him walk out of our lives when he is well. We do have the final say until he's eighteen. If he decides to hold a grudge until then? Well, then I doubt I can stop him."

"But, but…" Seth stuttered, "We're like brothers. He can't hold a grudge for that long. I mean, can he?"

"How often do you see me talking to my brother? He still holds one hell of a grudge and it's been twenty years. Better yet, how many times has Ryan so much as mentioned Trey since last Thanksgiving?"

"That's different," Seth blurted out. "Trey made Ryan do something stupid that Ryan got hurt doing!"

"Well, since you and Ryan seem to be the only two in this house who know what Trey made him do, I can't comment on that. Unless, of course, you want to finally tell me what happened, how Ryan ended up with a black eye."

Seth just shook his head. Ryan was already going to be pissed at him. He wasn't about to make it worse by telling his dad what happened last Thanksgiving.

"Fine. All I can say then is think about it. Trey had Ryan do something he didn't want to do, and Ryan ended up hurt. Do you really think Ryan wanted to climb that ladder? I seriously doubt it. But he did, and he got hurt. You may have to accept the fact that Ryan may not get over this. I'm not telling you not to try. I expect you to do everything you can to make this up to Ryan, but I am warning you, Ryan may not forgive you. And your mother and I can't force him. This will be between you and Ryan. If Ryan doesn't remember the accident, you will be the one who tells him what happened. But not until we feel Ryan is strong enough to hear it. And as long as Ryan is housebound, so are you, except you will go to school. Ryan probably won't go back until January at the earliest. But you will come home right after school until break, and then you will spend all of break in the house. No lit mag, no Bait Shop, nothing unless your mother or I approve. Understood?"

Seth nodded. He had no plans on going anywhere as long as Ryan was home so being grounded forever didn't bother him. "Can I see him tomorrow?"

"If he's awake. Otherwise, he'll remain in I.C.U. and you won't be allowed in. But come by after school anyway."

"I don't want to go to school, I just want to go to the hospital…"

"Too bad. You are going to school for the entire day, and then you can come by the hospital."

Seth didn't argue further. He again nodded his head as he stood up. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'll go to my room. Night." He walked out of the kitchen quickly. After waiting all day to talk to one of his parents, he now no longer wanted to talk. They didn't tell him it was going to be okay, and he still had no idea how he was going to make this right by Ryan. He doubted Ryan was even going to let him try. Trey never got Ryan this hurt before, and Ryan still didn't want to see him. What the hell was he going to do once he found out this was all Seth's fault? Despite already crying his eyes out twice in less then twenty-four hours, Seth couldn't believe he felt the tears rolling down his cheeks again.

Sandy sighed as he heard Seth going up the stairs. That was about as hard as he expected it to be, and yet he knew that was probably the easiest it was going to be for Seth for a long time. And worse, he had no idea how hard it was going to be for Ryan. This all could tear his family apart permanently, and all he and Kirsten could do was be there for both boys. It was a really scary thought.


	5. Small Steps, Mrs Cohen

_Author's Note: I'm sorry - I never intended on taking this long to update. I've actually spent most of January in and out of the hospital myself. Ironically enough, I needed abdominal surgery (don't listen to xerus - it was NOT liposuction!) Anyway - I hope you're still interested, and aren't too disappointed. I do have to say - anything that may seem strange, well, it probably happened to me or I saw it happen to someone in the hospital. The next chapter is coming soon. I promise._

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Kirsten woke up stiff, sore and even more tired than when she finally fell asleep the night before. Actually, Kirsten briefly thought, it may have been early morning when it no longer mattered how uncomfortable that chair was. She couldn't remember, and honestly she really didn't care at that point. It was Monday, the day the doctor was 'hopeful' Ryan would wake up. She knew she should probably go home, shower and try to take a nap, but Kirsten wasn't going anywhere. No, it was Monday. She looked over at Ryan. No change. He still lay motionless in that bed, looking so frail, so small, so young, so… hurt.

She reached over and began to lightly stroke his arm. "Morning, sweetie. It's Monday. You heard the doctor. Time for you to open your eyes. Come on, Ryan. Time to wake up. It's Monday. This has gone on long enough."

But Ryan didn't move. Kirsten sighed as she stood up and stretched. She heard her back crack as she looked down at her chair. It looked so nice and cushiony, but after sleeping in it the past two nights, Kirsten really didn't like that chair at all. She wanted to be home, sleeping in her bed with Sandy, with Seth sleeping upstairs and Ryan sleeping in the pool house. Sandy and Seth. She really needed to call them, but since she didn't want to leave Ryan, she decided to wait until the nurse came in to check on him. Then she would call Sandy and tell him to bring her a change of clothes and some other necessities. She'd also say good morning to Seth and tell him to have a good day at school. Kirsten also remembered they still had to notify Dr. Kim about the accident. She decided to ask Sandy to do it. She didn't want to discuss it, especially with Dr. Kim.

The nurse smiled at Kirsten as she entered the room, pushing that cart of supplies to do her "check of the patient, as she called it. Kirsten knew she was being silly, but she thought it was more like torture. She knew if Ryan were awake, he would not like having that needle stuck in his arm. "Drawing blood." Sounded like a damn vampire.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Cohen. Did you get any sleep?"

Kirsten gave her fake smile. She was willing to continue the small talk while Cathy took Ryan's temperature and checked his pulse and blood pressure. "Yes, thank you, and how are you this morning?"

As Cathy wrapped that elastic around Ryan's arm, Kirsten quickly added, "I'm going to just step outside a minute," not giving Cathy a chance to say anything. Hell, they both knew it was rhetorical anyway. Kirsten really didn't care how she was, and Cathy knew it. "Are you sure? I won't be long."

Kirsten bolted for the door as she saw her pick up the syringe. "No, I've got to call my husband. I'll be right back." She felt a little guilty leaving Ryan in Cathy's hands, but she knew after drawing the blood, she was going to push her fist into the middle of Ryan's chest to "check the patient's reaction to painful stimuli." Cruel, just cruel and Kirsten just couldn't watch it again. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to shake the images out of her mind before picking up her phone. She really just needed to talk to Sandy.

_Just when I thought I couldn't love him anymore_, Kirsten thought as she snapped her phone shut. Sandy already packed her bag. Sandy already talked to Dr. Kim, and he already talked to Seth. Everything Kirsten should have handled, but just didn't want to.

She re-entered Ryan's room just as the nurse was smoothing out the blankets around him. "Everything's okay," Kirsten said as she returned to the side of the bed.

The nurse smiled at Kirsten's statement. It wasn't a question. No, it was most definitely a statement. "Ryan's doing as well as can be expected."

"Meaning what exactly?" Kirsten didn't mean for it to sound so short, but she was really getting tired of that phrase. The boy hadn't moved in almost two full days, how was that 'well' in any way?

"Mrs. Cohen," Cathy began patiently, "Ryan is doing fine. He is improving. Even if you can't see it, he is. But you have to be patient. Give his body a chance to start healing itself. He'll come to when he's ready."

"But the doctor said maybe today."

"Maybe. There's a chance. But you have to be prepared for the maybe not. It may just be better if Ryan didn't wake up today."

"Better for who?" Kirsten demanded. Suddenly she really didn't like this nurse all that much. Why would she say such a thing?

But Cathy was very matter of fact. "Better for Ryan. He's going to be in a great deal of pain when he does finally regain consciousness. A few more days of being unaware of the trauma his body sustained may just be a good thing."

"I'm sorry. I suppose you're right. It's just…" Kirsten looked down at Ryan as she tried to remain composed. "It's very hard to see him like this and not be able to help."

Kirsten was shocked by the gentle hand on her shoulder. She wasn't being exactly nice to this nurse, and yet Cathy was still offering her some comfort. "If it was so easy, everyone would be a mom."

As her eyes filled with tears, Kirsten could only offer Cathy a small smile. She didn't trust herself to speak, afraid that all her emotions would finally spill out. Cathy quickly moved her hand and returned to a more business-like tone. "They'll be taking Ryan down to radiology at ten. The CT scan and x-rays should take about an hour, and then they'll bring him back. The doctor will be in to discuss the results as soon as he gets them. I'm on again tonight, so I'll see you then. Take care, and don't worry - everything will be okay."

"Thank you," Kirsten said softly as she sat back down in the chair and grabbed Ryan's hand. All she could do was wait. Hopefully, Sandy would be there soon to wait with her.

Kirsten remembered reading that you should talk to an unconscious person because they just may be able to hear you. She had been talking continuously for almost two days. "Hey, sweetie. The nurse said it might be better if you stayed asleep for a little while longer. So I guess I should tell you to take your time. But, um, would it make me such a bad parent to want you to wake up now? I just want to see you awake and have you tell me everything is fine. Could you just do that for me? Huh? Please?"

When Ryan didn't move, she stroked his cheek lightly. "You know, it's usually Seth who ignores me. I'm not used to you doing it. Okay, well, I guess it's back to the trashy love story. See, I think you secretly love these books as much as I do, but you're just afraid to admit it."

"Where did we leave off?" Kirsten scanned her novelette. "Oh yes, Armando and Sophia were locked in a passionate embrace. Well, I think maybe we'll skip that part. I don't care how asleep you are - there are just some things I should not share with you."

Kirsten yawned as she skimmed past the passionate love parts. Damn, she was tired she thought as she laid her head back, just for a minute.

An hour later, Sandy walked in to find his wife sound asleep, still holding onto Ryan's hand. He gently kissed the top of her head as he pulled another chair up next to the bed. "Hey, kid. How's it going? Seth sends his best. He's going to stop by after school. I think he's hoping to talk."

When Kirsten stirred slightly and Ryan didn't move, Sandy decided to be quiet. He knew Kirsten was tired; he could hear it in her voice. Sandy again began to think about the words of wisdom he would need once Seth got his chance to talk to Ryan.

Ten A.M. on the dot, they came for Ryan. Kirsten jumped when the door first opened, but remained silent until she watched them wheel Ryan away. Even then it was only a quiet prayer.

Sandy gently rubbed Kirsten's back. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

Kirsten nodded as she headed for the door. She didn't have anything to say. Not on the way down to the cafeteria, not in the cafeteria, and not on the way back to Ryan's room. Sandy knew his wife well enough to know – she didn't want to talk, so he didn't bother to try. Not until she was ready.

"Seth said he's coming over after school," Kirsten finally announced, after she watched the orderlies bring Ryan back and watched as the nurse did her check.

"I think he's hoping for Ryan to be awake. He really wants to talk to him. I just don't think he knows what to say."

"Makes two of us," Kirsten mumbled.

"It'll be nice."

"What'll be nice?"

"Ryan awake. Isn't that what you're talking about?"

"No," Kirsten said. "I mean, yes. It'll be great when he wakes up, but I'm not sure what to say either. I mean, I'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough."

Sandy looked at Kirsten for a moment. "Sorry? Sorry for what?" He had no idea what she was talking about.

Kirsten gestured toward Ryan's lifeless body. "Sorry for this. You don't feel bad?"

"If you mean bad as in 'what happened is awful and I wished it didn't happen', then yes, I feel bad. But if you mean bad as in guilty, then no, I don't feel guilty."

Sandy continued to look at Kirsten for a minute as he tried to figure out what she was getting at. When no answer was forthcoming, he started to get mad. "Why should I feel guilty? Because I asked the boys to do something around the house? It's not like they're asked to do a whole lot, and this was something I thought they could manage. I thought it would make you happy. There is no reason I should feel guilty for that."

Kirsten started to shake her head before she began to speak. "I didn't mean that. It should have been something they could have easily managed. But well, why would Seth do that? Why would he just walk away? What was he thinking?"

Before Sandy had a chance to answer, Kirsten continued, "I mean, Seth has always been, well, Seth. It's always been kind of cute, irreverent, so I never said or did anything. We never tried to correct his behavior, and because of that, this happened."

"He's a good kid," Sandy said quickly.

"He's a great kid, but he does have his faults. This time this one was huge, and it's Ryan who is paying for it. So yes, Sandy, I feel guilty that somehow we're partially responsible for this accident."

Sandy put his arm around his wife and gave her a light kiss on the top of her head. "Remember when Seth had his hernia? How you kept asking the doctors what you did wrong?"

"What are you getting at?"

"This accident is just like Seth's hernia. Ryan's hurt, and there is nothing you can do to help him. And he's hurt because of Seth's carelessness. It's not your fault, and yet you still feel responsible. It's parental guilt, Kirsten."

Kirsten took a step away from Sandy and folded her arms in front of her. "Oh, really? And you don't have this parental guilt?"

"No, I have it, but at least I recognize that I have it."

"And I don't?"

Sandy chuckled. "You still feel the need to apologize to Ryan when he wakes up?"

Kirsten didn't answer as she looked down at Ryan. Yes, she still felt like she should apologize, and at the same time, she just wanted to wrap her arms around him and take away all the pain. "It is going to be really hard when he does finally wake up."

Sandy again could only wrap his arms around his wife. He too wanted to make all the pain go away. Kirsten's pain, Seth's pain and especially Ryan's pain, but he knew that wasn't going to be possible. All he could do was try to comfort them all as best he could. "I know. But he'll be okay. We'll all be okay."

"And if it's not? If he's not? Then what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sandy, his whole life he's been abandoned and disappointed by everyone around him. What's he going to do when he finds out the kid who's supposed to be his best friend let him down, walked away from him when he needed him?"

"I don't know. Seth asked me the same thing, and I honestly don't know. I guess we'll have to just wait and see. Make sure Ryan knows we're here for him, that physically he'll be fine and try to help them both through this."

"What if he wants to leave?"

"You really sound like Seth now. Think about it, Kirsten. Where would he go? Who would he stay with? If Ryan does want to leave, are you going to let him?"

"No…"

Kirsten didn't continue as Sandy leaned over and gave her another soft kiss, just as the door opened and Ryan's doctor entered. He nodded and smiled at them both before examining Ryan. Both Sandy and Kirsten quietly waited for him to finish, both holding their breath, silently praying for good news.

It didn't take long before the doctor launched into his medical explanations. Kirsten listened to what he was saying, but with the medical jargon and being so tired, she was getting confused. "So all of this is good, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes," the doctor said slowly. "Ryan's abdominal CT and head CT are both clear. The x-rays of his shoulder, ankle and ribs are all good. With the decrease in swelling, it is much easier to confirm that there are no fractures in the shoulder or ribs, and the ankle films show good aliment of the bones. So in layman's terms, I'd say everything was very good."

"Then why isn't he awake?"

"Kirsten…" Sandy started at the same time the doctor began, "Ryan is doing…"

"As well as can be expected," Kirsten finished. "I know. What I want to know is when is he going to wake up? Isn't it true that the longer a person remains unconscious, the more likely it is that he's suffered some sort of permanent brain damage?"

The doctor tried to smile first. He loved his work. He loved helping people. He didn't love dealing with neurotic parents. "As I previously explained, there will be some possible side effects to the head trauma. We won't know the severity until Ryan regains consciousness. But they're side effects, Mrs. Cohen. Not brain damage."

"But he will wake up soon?" Sandy asked.

"If not today, then possibly tomorrow. Or Wednesday. But not before he's ready." The doctor waited a second for any more questions before smiling again at the Cohens.

"Thank you, Dr. Richards." Sandy was polite and shook the doctor's hand. Kirsten just returned the doctor's fake, professional smile with one of her own. She waited until the door closed behind the good doctor before turning to Sandy. "I think we should get a second opinion. Call Neil Roberts and see who he recommends."

"Why? Dr. Richards seems very knowledgeable."

Kirsten snorted. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Excuse me? I'm sorry, but were we listening to the same doctor?"

"Sandy, he doesn't even know when Ryan is going to wake up! First he said today, now maybe tomorrow or even Wednesday. What kind of diagnosis is 'when Ryan's ready?' The guy's not even a neurosurgeon. Do you really think Ryan wants to be in a coma? People get second opinions all the time. Just call Neil Roberts and see who he recommends."

"And if Neil recommends Dr. Richards?"

"Then ask who else he would recommend. A second opinion never hurt anyone."

Sandy didn't argue. Not when Kirsten had that tone to her voice. If she wanted a second opinion, then he'd get a second opinion. Hell, he'd get a third and even a forth if Kirsten wanted him to.

But the funny thing about finding that second opinion was that apparently Dr. Richards had already consulted with the neurosurgeon who was already involved in Ryan's case. He already contacted the orthopedist who had originally seen Ryan. He'd even contacted Neil Roberts about fixing the scars Ryan would have. Apparently, Dr. Richards wasn't just Ryan's surgeon; he was also the spokesperson for all those involved.

It helped Kirsten to know that there were so many people involved in caring for Ryan, but it didn't exactly help that not one of them could tell her when Ryan would wake up. For that, she had to remain patient, something Kirsten quickly realized she wasn't.

She was also not very happy having to spoon feed Seth the same information when he arrived that afternoon. He was even less willing to be patient than she was, and trying to talk to him was difficult to say the least. He wanted specialists called in, numerous tests performed and immediate results. She listened to his apologies and his ramblings of how exactly he would make this all up to Ryan without saying much. She knew it was the right thing to do, spending time with him while Sandy stayed with Ryan, but Kirsten was just too tired, still a little angry with Seth and still very worried about Ryan. She regrettably finally snapped at Seth over dinner when he began making 'stealth' plans to sneak into Ryan's room, despite being told numerous times that only parents were allowed in. Despite some halfhearted apologies from Kirsten, Seth finally fell quiet and left shortly after dinner. He claimed to have a lot of homework and also said he was tired.

Kirsten sighed as she re-entered Ryan's room. She sighed again as she explained what happened between her and Seth to Sandy. She briefly considered taking Sandy up on his offer to stay with Ryan while Kirsten went home and got a decent night's sleep. One look at Ryan's motionless body, and Kirsten knew she wasn't going anywhere. She'd rather Sandy go home and talk to Seth again while she stayed at the hospital. She promised that tomorrow, if Ryan wasn't awake, she'd go home for the night and let Sandy sleep in the uncomfortable chair.

But when tomorrow came, Kirsten made no effort to go home. It wasn't that she wanted to stay; she felt she needed to stay. Ryan didn't need to open his eyes and be alone. It always sent shivers down her spine whenever she allowed herself to think about how many times he must have woken up alone and scared.

When Sandy joined her in Ryan's room, he wasn't very happy to see how tired and worn out she was. He knew she needed to get some decent sleep, in a bed, but convincing her wasn't going to be easy. "Kirsten, honey. You won't be able to help anyone if you get sick. I promise, I won't leave his side. I'll talk to him. I'll read to him. I'll even sing to him, but you need to go home. You need to get some sleep."

"I did sleep."

"Sleep in a bed. Take a long, hot shower. Take care of yourself. Ryan's going to need you more when he gets home then he does right now. Okay? And I promise, I will call you if there is any change, no matter how slight."

Kirsten nodded first. She knew Sandy was right, but she didn't like the idea of leaving. Even though it was now Tuesday, Ryan wasn't showing any signs of waking up. She sighed as she looked down at his motionless body, and then noticed something. "Sandy. His hand. Look at Ryan's hand. It's moved. It's not in the same spot as it was before. He moved his hand."

While Sandy looked on, Kirsten leaned close to Ryan. "Ryan. If you can hear me, sweetie, move your hand again. Come on, Ryan. Move your hand."

When Ryan didn't respond, Kirsten hit the call button for the nurse, and then began to shake Ryan's arm. And Sandy began to suspect Kirsten was just seeing what she wanted to see. "Kirsten. Calm down. He didn't move his hand. He hasn't moved at all. You're just tired. You need to get some sleep."

"Don't patronize me. His hand is not in the same location as it was this morning, and I didn't move it. So he obviously moved it himself. I know you can hear me, Ryan. I want you to move your hand again. Or open your eyes. How about that? Can you open your eyes, Ryan?"

Kirsten was bent down close to Ryan's face, and studying it so intently, she never heard the nurse come in. She didn't turn around until she heard Sandy apologize for calling her into the room. "Um, sorry about that. Kirsten thought she saw Ryan's arm move."

"I didn't say I saw his arm move, but his hand is definitely not in the same place it was this morning. And since he and I were the only two in the room, and I certainly didn't move it, he must have moved it himself."

The nurse smiled at the two – the father too afraid to hope for good news, and the mother looking for any sign her child was going to be okay. She had seen it so many times in her job; she was pretty accustomed to it. She moved next to Kirsten and grabbed her hand. "Here. You want a response from Ryan. Make a fist."

Kirsten's look was one of fear and shock as she tried to pull her hand away from the nurse. But the nurse only smiled as she held onto Kirsten's hand tighter, curling it into a fist for her and placing it on Ryan's chest. "The secret is not to press too hard as you move your knuckles back and forth over the center of his breastbone."

As the nurse moved Kirsten's fist firmly over the top of Ryan's chest, Kirsten was shocked to see him not only move his hand but raise it as if he was trying to push away whatever it was bothering him before dropping it back to the bed. "Sandy! Did you seethat? Did you see him move his hand? He raised it up off the bed! Did you see that? Ryan? Come on, Ryan. I saw that. Now open your eyes. Open your eyes, Ryan."

The nurse smiled again as she patted the top of Kirsten's hand. "Small steps, Mrs. Cohen. He's getting there. It shouldn't be too much longer before he does open his eyes, but be patient."

"But he is waking up?" Sandy asked as he moved to the other side of the bed and began to move his knuckles across Ryan's chest. Again Ryan moved his hand, giving Kirsten and Sandy something to finally smile about.

"Yes, Mr. Cohen. Ryan is slowly regaining consciousness." The nurse laid her hand on Sandy's fist. "But I wouldn't recommend continuing to do that."

Sandy's face went almost white as he quickly jerked his hand off Ryan's chest. "Am I hurting him?"

"Hurting? No, you're not hurting him. Irritating him is more like it. And just think how annoyed you'd be if someone kept running his fist over your breastbone."

"So what should we do?" Kirsten asked as she started to softly run her hand up and down Ryan's arm.

"Touching him is good. Continue to do that. Lightly. And talk to him. Let him hear your voice. And be patient. Feel free to buzz the nurse's station with any questions or worries, and please let us know the second Ryan does open his eyes. Okay?"

Neither Kirsten nor Sandy looked up at the nurse. Both just nodded their understanding as they continued to stare down at Ryan. The nurse smiled again as she backed out of the room. She always loved giving the family hope, and the Cohens definitely had reason to be hopeful. She also knew that very soon the Cohens would have reason to be happy as well. Very happy.


	6. The Awakening

_So real life constrants and health thingsmade it a little more difficult to update as soon as I wanted. Sorry. I know it's a long chapter, but I needed some set up here._

_P.S. - my betas are awesome people..._

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Sandy quietly watched Kirsten watching Ryan. He wanted to give her a chance to absorb the fact that Ryan would be awake and on the road to recovery shortly. After a few minutes, he finally asked, "Are you okay to drive or do you want me to call a cab?"

Kirsten sat in the chair, still lightly rubbing Ryan's arm. "Hmm? What? Cab?"

"To take you home. To get some sleep."

"No, I'm good. I think I'll stay for a while."

"Kirsten, I thought we both decided it would be better if you went home, took a shower and got some sleep."

Kirsten shook her head. "Later. I don't want Ryan to wake up alone."

Sandy pushed his chair a little closer to his wife as he laid his hand on top of Ryan's. "He won't be alone. I'll be here. Plus we don't even know when Ryan is going to wake up."

"All the more reason for me to stay."

Sandy sighed. "Kirsten…"

Kirsten finally stopped rubbing Ryan's arm long enough to look at Sandy. "Sandy, you said it yourself, Ryan needs to know we're here for him. How is he going to believe I'm here for him if I'm _not here_?"

At both the tone of her voice and the way she narrowed of her eyes, Sandy knew Kirsten was done arguing. She wasn't going anywhere, and he was most definitely wasting his breath. "Then I guess I should go get us some breakfast."

"Just some coffee."

"Coffee and some hospital style pancakes. Oh, and remember, the nurse said to continue talking to him."

After Sandy left, Kirsten smiled. "Talk to you. Hear that? I guess Sandy thinks you and I are still too quiet. But I think I've proven that I can talk a lot, too. Maybe not Seth proportions or even Sandy level, but I'm still outtalking you. Come on, Ryan. Not that it's ever been much of a contest, but you are now officially the quietest member of this family. Come on - start talking. I know you can do it. I've heard you talk a few times."

She only waited a brief moment. "Not up for talking just yet? Okay, I'll take another hand motion. For now, just move your hand. You moved it before. Do it again. Please?"

Kirsten picked up his hand and let it go. She was disappointed to see it fall back onto the bed. "Come on, Ryan. Don't make me hurt you."

She waited another brief moment. Nothing. "Okay then, I'll take that as a sign that you know I'd never do anything to hurt you. What about a bribe? Is there anything I can offer to buy you? Huh? Should I start small? Maybe some new Play Station games? No? Another new bike? Hmm? How about that? Okay, okay, I know. You're holding out for the big stuff, aren't you? You want the car. Right? Have you been talking to Hailey? She always knew how to get my parents to give her anything, and she was so good at it, they usually ended up thinking it was their idea! So now you're taking after Hailey?"

As Ryan continued to lie there, Kirsten could feel her frustration level begin to increase again. She raised her voice, deciding to change tactics. "You know what, Ryan, I really don't appreciate your continued defiance. The doctor said you would wake up Monday. Well, it's now Tuesday, and you still aren't awake. You aren't listening to the doctor, and you aren't listening to me. Seth's already grounded; we can ground you, too. No going out. No video games. No television. No telephones. Matter of fact, you keep this up, and I'll sell the Play Station and the television. Your Ipod, too. No new bike, no car, nothing. And since you'll have so much free time on your hands, you can come to work at the Newport Group with my father. Then this summer, I'll send you to stay with the Nana. How'd you like that? You and the Nana in the Bronx all summer long?"

Sandy walked back into the room as Kirsten raised her voice even louder. "You hear me, Ryan? You will spend the rest of this winter with my father and then this entire summer with the Nana!"

"Kirsten, what are you doing?"

She jumped at the sound of another voice. "Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in."

"Obviously. Again, what are you doing?"

Kirsten was a little embarrassed. "Well, nothing else seems to be working, and you know how much Ryan hates it when we're mad at him. So I figured if he could hear us, maybe he'd respond."

"By threatening him with your father and my mother? Kirsten, I don't know too many teenagers who like to spend time with normal grandparents, but when those grandparents are Caleb Nichol and Sophie Cohen, well, I think I'd prefer to be in a coma myself."

"Very funny. But I've tried everything else. I've read to him, talked to him, and tried bribing him. I don't know what else I can try."

"Try being patient."

At first Kirsten just rolled her eyes. Then she sighed. "It's been four days. Even when he worked in Chino this summer, we never went four days without hearing his voice. I miss it."

Sandy kissed the top of Kirsten's head as he handed her a Styrofoam container and a cup of coffee. "Eat something. You'll feel better."

"Doubt it," Kirsten mumbled and placed the container down on the bed next to Ryan. She tried to figure a way out of eating the soggy undercooked bacon and the dry overcooked pancakes. Kirsten wrinkled her nose as she poked at it with her fork. "Looks delicious."

"You've got to eat something."

Kirsten put the fork down and picked up her coffee. "Well, I'm not eating that."

They both jumped when the entire container shot off the bed and landed on the floor. Sandy laughed. "Apparently Ryan agrees with you," since Ryan's hand now occupied the spot where Kirsten's breakfast previously was.

"Awww. Thank you, sweetie. You moved your hand, and you got rid of my breakfast. What else can you do?" Kirsten tapped the top of Ryan's hand with her finger and then smiled as she saw Ryan tap his finger. "Sandy, did you see? Watch."

She again tapped the top of Ryan's hand and again he tapped his finger. She quickly grabbed his hand. "Can you squeeze my hand? Squeeze my hand, Ryan. Please?"

Nothing. Kirsten laid his hand back on the bed and gave it her own gentle squeeze. "I guess I'm asking too much of you again. Well, okay, you moved your hand just like I asked. See, I can be patient. But not for too much longer!"

Sandy and Kirsten continued to stare at Ryan, waiting and watching for more movements, signs that Ryan was coming back to them. They also continued to talk. Nonstop. To each other and to Ryan. Every so often Ryan would make a slight movement, usually just his hand, but once when Sandy lightly patted the top of his right leg, Ryan moved that.

With the change in nursing staff came another check of Ryan's condition. This time, however, Kirsten was eager for the nurse to come in as she explained each one of Ryan's movements.

The nurse smiled as she promised the Cohens an interesting day. She explained that Ryan's movements would gradually increase but also cautioned that it would be a continuous, slow process. For every two steps forward, Ryan would take one step back. "Don't expect him to suddenly hop up and start dancing," she warned.

Sandy patted Ryan's leg again and joked, "Don't worry. We never expect Ryan to be ready to dance. Right, kid?"

Everyone smiled as Ryan again moved his leg. Kirsten almost started to giggle when the nurse leaned down to put the thermometer in Ryan's ear and he jerked his head away. "Definitely going to be a very interesting day for all of us," the nurse said as she finally got the thermometer in Ryan's ear.

She had even more trouble taking his blood pressure. " Feisty young man, isn't he?" she commented as she removed the blood pressure cuff for the third time, waited for Ryan to relax his arm and re-apply it, only to watch Ryan tense his arm again.

"Not usually. Well, sometimes, but only when he has to be. Usually he's very sweet." Kirsten picked up his hand and whispered, "Hey. It's only me. I've got your hand. See, that's me squeezing it. Just let the nurse finish her job then you can be Captain Muscles all you want." Kirsten took Ryan's lack of a response as a sign that he did in fact hear her, as the nurse finally had no trouble taking his blood pressure.

As she prepared to leave, the nurse decided to issue another warning to the hopeful parents. "Remember, two steps forward and one step back. Ryan has made some tremendous progress today, and I will let the Doctor know that. But don't be upset or shocked if it's a while before Ryan moves again. This is all very wearing on him."

Kirsten and Sandy both nodded their understanding. Sure, okay, Ryan was going to be tired. They'll be patient. They'll let him rest.

That patience and understanding lasted through the first hour. Partially through the second hour, Kirsten started to tap the top of Ryan's hand again and Sandy started tapping his leg. Another hour passed. Sandy got lunch that Kirsten laid on the bed next to Ryan. Unfortunately, she ended up eating it when Ryan didn't knock it to the ground.

Finally Sandy started to sing. Standing at the foot of Ryan's bed, he began singing every Grease song he could remember. It was on his third rendition of Grease Lightening that Kirsten saw Ryan turn his head and she was pretty sure she heard him moan. "Sandy, shhh. Wait a second."

"What is it?"

Kirsten hit the call button. "He moaned. I think."

The nurse walked in to find each parent on either side of the bed, leaning close to Ryan's face. "What's wrong?"

"Kirsten heard Ryan moan."

"I think. I mean it was kind of hard to hear with the tube down his throat and the sound of the machines and Sandy singing, but I'm pretty sure he moaned. I think."

"Singing? Do you sing often Mr. Cohen?"

"Not often. Just enough to annoy the kids."

"Enough to make them moan?"

"Sometimes, but usually Seth more then Ryan."

"If you've made your sons moan in the past with your singing, then it is very possible that Ryan moaned again. Um, speaking of sons, your other son is here. He's waiting outside, and he's talking a lot. If one of you could go see Seth, I'll check on Ryan."

Sandy looked at Kirsten who was staring at Ryan before heading for the door. He stopped when he heard Kirsten ask, "I know it's against hospital policy, but would it be possible for Seth to see Ryan? He hasn't been able to see him yet, and well, if Ryan is really starting to respond to us, maybe Seth talking to him would help."

They both stared at the nurse as she continued to check Ryan, without acknowledging the request. She could hear the desperation in the woman's voice, and she knew that if Ryan was responding to the parents than he'd more then likely respond to the brother, especially the extremely talkative brother outside. But well, it was against hospital policy. The nurse looked up to say no but couldn't, not with the look in Kirsten's eyes. "Please?"

She sighed and shook her head. It was a stupid hospital policy, anyway. "I did not hear that question, okay? If the doctor comes by, I knew nothing about this."

Sandy held the door open thinking the nurse was going to leave, but first she stopped next to him. "Wait for me to return to the nurse's station, and then limit the visit to only five or ten minutes."

Kirsten watched the nurse leave and then looked at Sandy. They quietly waited a minute before Kirsten nodded and Sandy left to get Seth. She was very excited at the idea of having her whole family in the same room for the first time in days, even if it was a hospital room. "Okay, Ryan. You asked for it. We're bringing in the big guns now. Yes, that's right; we're subjecting you to Seth. Your days of peace and quiet are over."

She softened her voice as she reached down to stroke Ryan's cheek. "I know he really wants to talk to you. I hope you can hear him, and I really hope you can forgive him."

When she heard the door open, Kirsten turned around to smile at Seth. She then motioned him to come closer. He didn't seem to be in too much of a rush. "Um, are you sure this is okay?"

Kirsten again motioned Seth to come into the room. "It's fine, Seth. The nurse said as long as we keep the visit short. And I think it'll do Ryan some good to hear your voice."

With a gentle push from Sandy, Seth finally started to approach the bed. "What do I say?"

"I don't know. Talk about anything. What about school? Or Summer?"

"No. I can't talk to him about Summer. Summer is the reason he's here. I mean, my constant thing about Summer is the reason."

Kirsten stood up from her chair and motioned to Seth. "Then talk about school or Chrismukkah. Just talk."

"It's just… He looks so… God, I did this to him, and I have no idea what to say. How do I even start to make this up to him?"

Sandy put his arm around Seth's shoulder and gently guided him to the side of Ryan's bed. "Start by talking to him; just let him hear your voice. Don't try to apologize now."

Seth could only nod as he sat in Kirsten's vacated seat. "Hey, bro. It's me. Um, Seth. So listen, tonight's the first night of Hanukkah. I think Mom and Dad would really like it if you opened your eyes. A real festival of lights kind of gift. Not that your other presents weren't great. Oh, I wrapped them for you. Hope you don't mind, but I peeked at mine. It was kind of hard to wrap it with my eyes shut. Primo gift. Thanks. I can't believe you remembered. And speaking of gifts, the Nana sent the usual savings bonds, and as usual Dad took them for 'our futures'. She says thanks for your wonderful gift; it was very thoughtful. She didn't tell me what it was, but she did feel the need to remind me that your gift was on time, and she still hadn't received mine. Way to make me look bad to the Nana, Ryan… Well, I guess I made myself look bad. It's not like you didn't remind me last week to mail it."

Seth hesitated for a second when he noticed Ryan didn't so much as twitch at his ramblings. "Um. Lindsey says hi. So does Marissa. And Summer. And Zach. And Luke called again. Said to give him a call when you're up for another trip to Portland. I know the last time you were there we really didn't stay that long. Portland's nice. You'll really like it. There's a lot to do. Um, I can't really go with you though, since Luke is still kind of mad at me. But then again so is Lindsey. And Marissa. And Summer and Zach. And I guess you will be soon."

Another quiet hesitation as Seth felt the lump in his throat grow bigger. He just couldn't continue to make small talk as the guy who was supposed to be his best friend, hell, his brother lay unconscious, and all because Seth was being an ass. "Oh, man. Ryan, I am so, so sorry. It was an accident. A stupid, stupid accident. I never meant for it to happen. I swear I…"

Seth stopped talking as he watched Ryan begin to grip his blanket with his right hand and his body suddenly became very rigid.Ryan then started trying to jerk his left arm out of the sling. And Seth panicked. "Mom? MOM!"

Kirsten quickly moved Seth out of the way as she tried to loosen Ryan's grip on his blanket. "Sandy, quick! Grab his left arm before he hurts his shoulder."

Sandy grabbed a hold of Ryan's hand and began rubbing his arm. "Come on, kid. It's okay. Relax, Ryan. Just try to relax."

When she was unable to pry his hand free, Kirsten laid her one hand on top of Ryan's and frantically hit the call button with her other. "Ryan. Please stop. It's okay. I promise, it'll be okay."

"What's going on here?" Everyone jumped at the booming voice of the doctor who came charging in. Kirsten could only shake her head as she once again tried to pull Ryan's hand free from the blanket. Seth stood silent. Only Sandy seemed composed enough to talk. "We don't know. He seemed fine a minute ago."

The doctor eyed Seth up and then not so gently moved Kirsten out of the way. "I need everyone to wait outside." That was all Seth needed to hear. He couldn't get out of the room fast enough. Sandy nodded and slowly began to make his way for the door. But Kirsten hesitated. "What's wrong? Is he going to be okay?"

The doctor didn't bother to hide his obvious annoyance. "Mrs. Cohen, please wait outside. I will come talk to you as soon as I can."

Sandy put his arm around his wife and gently led her out of the room. They joined Seth, who was already pacing the floor. "Oh, God, he hates me. He's not even awake yet and already he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, honey. I'm sure what happened has nothing to do with you."

"Yeah? Has he ever done that when you were talking to him?"

"No, but…"

"So the first time I talk to him, he freaks out. How can you say he doesn't hate me? It's crystal clear now. There is no way we're going to be able to live under the same roof. He's not going to want to have anything to do with me ever again."

Kirsten could only stand there with her mouth open. It wasn't possible. There was no way Seth was standing in front of them insinuating that he was going to leave again. She closed her eyes and began to shake her head. She needed a moment to try to compose herself. Lucky for her though, Sandy didn't need any time. "So, what? That means you want to leave? Run away? And go where? Not this time, Seth. This time you will not run away. This time you will face what happened, and you will deal with it. Is that understood?"

"Dad, I'm just saying…"

"I know what you're just saying and I suggest you don't!"

"No, Dad. Listen. I'm not planning on running away. I swear. I'm just saying that if Ryan can't live with me, it wouldn't be fair to expect him to leave…"

"No!" Sandy and Seth both jumped when Kirsten shouted. "No one is leaving. Not you, and not Ryan. I will not relive last summer. We will deal with this when Ryan is home and is feeling better. And we will deal with this as a family under the same roof."

The conversation came to a halt when they saw the nurse leave Ryan's room. She didn't say anything to them as she hurried down the hall. Nor did she say anything when she returned a few minutes later. And all three Cohens were afraid to say anything to her. They stood silently staring at the door to Ryan's room.

A few minutes passed before the door opened and both the doctor and nurse came out. The doctor nodded first, causing Kirsten to reach for Sandy's hand. "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen. First let me say, Ryan is fine. We've given him something to relax him."

"You can do that with a head injury?" Kirsten didn't mean to sound like she was questioning the doctor's authority. She hadn't even realized she had done that until she saw the look on his face.

"Like I was saying," he continued, "Ryan is fine. But there is such a thing as over stimulation. I know you're all very anxious for Ryan to wake up, but I must strongly advise you to allow Ryan to regain consciousness at his own pace. Continue to talk to him softly to let him know you're there, but I don't suggest any more singing or any additional outside family members."

"Does Ryan hate me? Is that why he freaked out?"

The doctor looked from Sandy to Kirsten before looking at Seth. "I really don't know if Ryan hates you or not since I don't know what your relationship is like with your brother. I do know that Ryan is slowly becoming aware of his surroundings, and he's becoming very aware of the trauma his body sustained. His 'freak out' as you call it was his response to the pain he is beginning to feel."

"Pain?"

"Yes, pain. Ryan is going to be in a great deal of pain that we can control when he is fully conscious, but for right now, we have given him something to help relax him. I would suggest that you all go home and get some rest. The nurse can call you if there is any change in Ryan's condition."

One look at Kirsten's face, and Sandy had to ask. "We can stay if we want though, right?"

"You and Mrs. Cohen can stay, but no more violating hospital policy. I will be back later to check on Ryan."

Seth looked down at his feet until he was sure the doctor had left. Ryan was going to be in a great deal of pain. No, Ryan was already in pain. Because of him. Because he was an ass. Because he was a selfish, self-serving ass. "Obviously, I'm the violation so I'm going to go."

"Kirsten, why don't you take Seth home? Take a long hot shower, get something to eat and try to get some sleep. I'll stay with Ryan, and I'll call you if there's any change."

Sandy braced himself for another argument from Kirsten and was shocked when she simply nodded her head. It was Seth who stopped her. "No, I want you both to stay. Be here for him when he wakes up. I'm fine. I can take care of myself. I promise I'll call as soon as I get home. Just stay here with Ryan. Take care of him."

Kirsten tried not to show her relief. Yes, she wanted to stay at the hospital, but she also felt that she should be with Seth. He needed her just as much as Ryan did, probably more at this point. "Are you sure?"

She was surprised when Seth leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'm sure. You want to stay. I know you do. So stay. I want you to."

Sandy was a little skeptical. "You promise to go straight home and stay there? You aren't going to do anything…"

"Stupid? No, Dad. I promise, straight home." Seth gestured towards Ryan's room. "I've given you guys enough to worry about. No more stupid."

Kirsten gave Seth a hug and a kiss before going back into Ryan's room. Sandy also hugged him before handing him some money. "Call when you get home and make sure you order something for dinner."

Sandy watched as Seth left. Part of him wanted to go with Seth and make sure he really was okay. But a larger part of him knew that he needed to be at the hospital with Kirsten. One look at Kirsten's face when he re-entered that room, and he knew he was right. Kirsten was feeling guilty again. "This wasn't your fault."

"The nurse told me yesterday that it was probably better for Ryan if he stayed asleep a little while longer. She warned me that he would be in pain, but I didn't care. I wanted him awake. It was selfish on my part. It was because of me that Seth was in here, and it was because of me that they had to sedate Ryan before he was even fully awake."

"You want what's best for your kids. There's nothing selfish about that. This is a nightmare for all of us, and you can't keep beating yourself up over it. Let it go."

Sandy pulled both chairs to the foot of Ryan's bed. "We'll sit down here, and quietly stay until he's good and ready to open his eyes and tell us to go home. Okay?" Kirsten could only give Sandy a sad smile. Once again she didn't trust herself to speak; she just wanted to cry.

The remainder of the day seemed very uneventful to Kirsten as she sat in that chair. Seth called when he got home. A little while later, Sandy went for dinner. A few hours after that, the doctor stopped by again. And Ryan never moved. Sandy and Kirsten both continued to watch him, talking softly to each other and to Ryan throughout the rest of the evening and into the night. It was around midnight when Sandy noticed that Kirsten had finally fallen asleep. As he wrapped his arms around her and guided her head onto his shoulder, he knew she was both physically and emotionally exhausted. He looked over at Ryan one last time before he too closed his eyes. "Good night, kid. We'll see you in the morning."

Ryan's room remained quiet, as Kirsten and Sandy both fell into an uncomfortable but much needed sleep. The nurses were kind enough to limit the amount of times they came in, and when they did, they tried to be as quiet as possible.

It was during the peace and quiet however that Ryan began to stir again. The night nurse had just finishing changing the IV bag when she saw Ryan's eyes flutter. She reached down and stroked his right cheek until he finally opened his eyes. "Hey. Look who finally decided to wake up!"

Ryan frowned as his hand immediately went for his intubations tube, but the nurse stopped him. "No. You need to leave that alone. I'm sure the doctor will take it out as soon as he confirms that you're okay. In the meantime, I know a couple of parents who are going to be really happy to see those baby blues of yours." Ryan's eyes followed the nurse's hand as she pointed down to the foot of his bed. "What's say we wake them up, huh?"

She was surprised when Ryan grabbed her and started to shake his head. "You don't want me to wake them?" Ryan shook his head a little harder and then grabbed the blanket on his bed. He tried to pull it up and hand it to the nurse as his eyes went from her over to Kirsten and Sandy. "Don't worry. I promise to get them their own blankets. But first, I really think they'll want to know you're awake."

Ryan watched as the nurse walked to the foot of his bed and gently shake Kirsten's arm. "Mrs. Cohen?" Kirsten jumped at the slight touch. "What? What's wrong? Ryan?"

"Shhh. Mrs. Cohen, everything's fine. Someone just wanted to say hi." The nurse pointed towards Ryan and then had to step back as Kirsten and Sandy rushed to his bedside. Kirsten couldn't say anything at first. She just smiled and grabbed his hand. Sandy patted his leg. "Hey, kid. It's good to see you awake."

"How are you?" Kirsten asked, causing Ryan to pull his hand free and again reach for the intubations tube. Kirsten quickly grabbed his hand back. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question."

The nurse excused herself so she could go notify the resident on call that Ryan was awake. Ryan's eyes followed the nurse out and then looked back at Kirsten and Sandy. It was easy to see that his eyes were full of fear and confusion so Sandy decided to answer the questions he knew Ryan had. "There was an accident, but you're going to be fine."

Ryan again let go of Kirsten's hand and put it up to his head, feeling the bandage. "You have a concussion and some stitches."

Ryan nodded slightly and slid his hand down to his left shoulder. "Dislocated. It'll heal in a couple of weeks."

Again Ryan nodded and then moved his hand over his chest and stomach. "There was some bruising of your lung and some ribs. But again, those will be okay in time. You also needed surgery. There was some, um, internal bleeding." Ryan didn't nod this time, but instead just moved his leg. "Your ankle is broken."

Kirsten and Sandy watched as Ryan frowned and shifted in the bed. His eyes were no longer full of fear, only confusion as he slowly closed them and reached for Kirsten's hand. "You're okay," she whispered. "I promise, everything will be okay."

Ryan didn't open his eyes. He only gave Kirsten's hand a squeeze. They silently watched as Ryan again shifted in the bed and grimaced. It was obvious, he was in pain. It was the doctor who finally broke the silence. "So I hear Sleeping Beauty is awake. Nice to meet you, Ryan. I'm Dr. Johnson. Mom and Dad, if you'll step back, I'll check on Ryan and see about removing that breathing tube."

Kirsten gave Ryan's hand a reassuring squeeze before moving to the end of the bed. Ryan watched them as they watched the doctor examine him and then begin to disconnect the tube. Kirsten wanted to move to the side of the bed, but the nurse returned and handed her a cup of ice chips. She explained to Kirsten that she should give Ryan only one or two pieces at a time, distracting her so Kirsten didn't realize the doctor had pulled out the tube, not until she heard a loud gasp followed by a series of short raspy breaths. She felt foolish rushing to his bedside to offer some ice chips, but Ryan seemed appreciative as he offered her a slight smile and opened his mouth.

After the doctor finished his exam, he asked, "On a scale of one to ten, Ryan, how would you rate the pain?"

"Bad."

"Bad as in a ten?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we can give you something to take the edge off that pain. How's that sound?"

"Kay." Ryan looked at Kirsten and Sandy. "Happened?"

"What happened?" Sandy asked and Ryan nodded. "There was an accident. At home."

"Accident? Home? Seth kay?"

Kirsten and Sandy both looked at the doctor who only nodded. Okay, so Ryan not being able to talk in complete sentences was fine by him. It wasn't fine by Kirsten so Sandy was the one to answer. "Seth is fine. He's home, hopefully asleep."

"You home?"

"Later. Don't worry about us. I promise, we'll go home later."

Ryan shifted in the bed again, then looked around the room. "Happened?"

Kirsten and Sandy looked at each other, then at the doctor again. The doctor seemed unfazed by Ryan's obvious confusion. "There was an accident, Ryan. You fell."

"Off cliff?"

"No, sweetie," Kirsten said with a chuckle. "You didn't fall off a cliff."

"Happened? Don't member."

Again Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other before turning to the doctor. Now didn't seem like the time to tell Ryan what happened. "Ryan," the doctor said. "I want you to think for a moment. What is the last thing you do remember?"

"Um…" It was obvious that Ryan was really trying to concentrate. "School?"

"What do you remember about school?"

Ryan thought another moment before moaning, and everyone was shocked as he tried to climb out of the bed. Kirsten jumped first. "Where do you think you're going?"

"School. Lindsey. Physics due."

Sandy gently pushed Ryan back into bed. "Sorry, kid. Your physics assignment was due Monday, and at 3 AM, its now technically Wednesday." Ryan could only groan again. "Lindsey pissed?"

"Ryan, don't say…" Kirsten started but then stopped. "No, Lindsey isn't mad. She's worried about you. And don't worry about your assignment. She turned it in on time. Seth helped her finish it."

"Seth finish? Say thanks." Ryan was starting to find it hard to keep his eyes open. His whole body still hurt, but he was tired. Really, really tired. With his eyes now shut, Ryan never saw the doctor inject something into his IV. "Ryan, I've given you something for the pain. You should try to get some rest now. You can talk to your folks again later." Ryan slid down in the bed as he turned his head to the side. "Kay."

It didn't take long before Ryan was asleep, and as Kirsten bent down to kiss him good night, she noticed the change. He was asleep. Not unconscious. There was no breathing tube. He wasn't flat on his back, head pointed towards the ceiling, stiff as a board. He was asleep, head slightly askewed, slumped down in the bed. As she stared at him a little longer, she also heard something. Something she had been missing the past few nights. Ryan was snoring. That very light snoring she noticed every time she checked on him at home. She grabbed Sandy's hand and smiled through some tears.

The doctor promised that Ryan would sleep for a few hours, but would wake up again. And the next time, he'd probably be able to stay awake for a longer period of time. They would also be able to better gauge any side effects Ryan was suffering from at that time. The doctor smiled warmly at the Cohens as he and the nurse left.

Sandy put his arm around Kirsten and gave her a kiss as Kirsten continued to fight her tears. Neither one of them moved at first; they were both content with just staring at Ryan for a few minutes. They didn't expect to see the nurse return to the room, and they certainly didn't expect to see her carrying blankets. "Ryan wanted you to have these. Well, actually, Ryan wanted to give you the blanket off his bed, but I promised him I'd get you your own."

As she handed Kirsten the blankets, she continued. "He seems like a really sweet kid. You must be very proud." Kirsten could only nod as Sandy thanked her. She managed to wait until the nurse left again before she could no longer hold back her tears. As she held onto to those blankets and Sandy held onto her, Kirsten's whole body began to shake. For the first time since the accident happened, Kirsten didn't just cry, she sobbed.


	7. The Exam

Ryan moaned as he slowly began to wake up again. His head was pounding and his whole body seemed to be throbbing. It took him a few minutes trying to remember where he was. He thought he remembered Kirsten and Sandy saying something about some kind of accident. So that would mean either he was home in bed or… in a hospital? Ryan opened his eyes to look around but quickly closed them. Yeah, it was a hospital room. A brightly lit hospital room. An irritatingly brightly lit hospital room. He moaned a little louder as he rubbed his eyes and was slightly surprised to hear, "Shh. It's okay." This time Ryan opened one eye to find Kirsten standing over him. He closed it again but smiled. "Hey."

Kirsten brushed back his hair, careful not to hit the bandage. "Good morning. You're up early."

Ryan tried to get the sentence out, but could only manage, "Time?"

"It's a little after 8. How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Mmm. Head hurts. Sandy home?"

"No. He went to get some coffee and to call Seth."

Ryan frowned. Something about Seth was bothering him, but he couldn't remember what. "Seth 'kay?"

"Seth's fine. I promise. I'm sure he'll be here later after school."

"School." He couldn't help but groan.

"Don't worry about school. We've already talked to Dr. Kim, and it's all taken care of." Kirsten picked up a cup. "The nurse brought some water. Would you like some?"

Ryan could only nod in response. He held out his hand and was surprised to feel the straw when it touched his mouth. Kirsten allowed him only small sips like the nurse explained before pulling the straw away. Ryan tried opening his eyes again, but the brightness of the room still irritated him, causing him to moan even louder as he laid his head back on the pillow.

"That bad?"

"Yeah."

"We'll see what the doctor says when he gets here. He said headaches and sensitivity to light are common side effects."

"Great. Else?"

"The doctor will go over it later, I promise."

"Kirsten? Happened?"

Kirsten picked the cup back up and put the straw in Ryan's mouth before hesitantly starting, "There was an accident…" Ryan remembered that being the same thing she said earlier so he cut her off. "Accident. Home. Fell. Not cliff. What do?"

"You didn't do anything. It was an accident."

"In trouble?"

"Of course not." Kirsten patted Ryan's arm lightly. "We'll talk about it later, when you're feeling better. I promise, we'll all sit down and talk about it when you get home."

Ryan once again opened one eye and looked at Kirsten. A sit down to talk about it? Yeah, Ryan thought, that was never a good thing. It began to bother Ryan even more that he could not remember what he did wrong. But Kirsten just smiled at him again as she held the straw up to his mouth.

Neither one of them said anything for a while after that. Kirsten assumed Ryan had dozed off again, and Ryan continued to rack his brain trying to remember something, anything. He was glad to hear Sandy's voice. "One large coffee for my lovely wife!"

"Mmm. Coffee." Ryan smiled slightly. Coffee sounded good. It sure smelled good.

"Hey! Look who's awake!" Sandy in his excitement all but shouted the words, causing Ryan to grimace. "Sandy."

"Oh, sorry. Head hurt?"

"Yeah."

Kirsten quickly added, "And light sensitive." She thought about saying something about Ryan's speech, but didn't want to embarrass him. Sandy only patted Ryan's arm the same way Kirsten had. "That's common."

"So heard."

Another pat on the arm. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

"You guys home."

"Maybe later. After we see the doctor."

"No. S'kay. Not lookin', um…"

"We're not looking so what?" Ryan knew without even opening his eyes the look he was getting from Kirsten.

"Look tired."

His words caused Kirsten to laugh. "Nice save. We can discuss it again later after we talk to the doctor. Right now it would probably be a good idea if you tried to get some rest. You're not looking all that great yourself."

"Funny. Sandy? Happened?"

"Ryan!" Ryan opened one eye to find Kirsten standing over him, hands on her hips. "I think you should really try to get some sleep now."

Ryan knew that tone and that look. "Sorry." He closed his eye and his mouth and decided not to argue. He would either have to remember what happened himself or ask the doctor later. Someone had to eventually tell him what he did wrong and why he couldn't remember it.

Sandy waited until Ryan's breathing had evened out and his body relaxed before motioning for Kirsten to follow him out of the room. He looked over at Ryan one last time before Sandy allowed the door to close behind them.

"What was that all about? First you can't wait for him to wake up. Now you're rushing him back to sleep. Mind explaining?"

"He keeps asking about the accident, and I didn't know what to tell him."

"We have to tell him the truth, or rather, Seth has to tell him."

"But Seth isn't here, and Ryan's only been awake for maybe four hours. Now isn't the right time."

"We will have to tell him eventually."

"Eventually, but not before talking to the doctor."

"Talk to the doctor about what?" Kirsten and Sandy turned to find Dr. Richards and another doctor approaching. "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, you remember Dr. Armstrong, Ryan's neurologist?"

Kirsten and Sandy both smiled and nodded. Kirsten sort of remembered this Dr. Armstrong as one of the people she saw with Ryan, but given the blur of the past few days, she was surprised she could remember her own name. If he noticed her confusion, Dr. Armstrong didn't say anything about it. "So I hear Ryan's awake. We're going to check on him now if you'd care to join us."

Sandy stopped them before they could enter the room. "He's asleep right now."

Both doctors looked at each other and then at Sandy as Dr. Armstrong frowned. "He hasn't woken up at all this morning?"

"No, he has…" Kirsten started, but Sandy continued, "but Kirsten told him to go back to sleep."

Kirsten started to talk quickly, before either doctor could ask, and she knew they were going to ask by the look on their faces. "It's just… he keeps asking about the accident. How it happened, and we don't know what to tell him. I thought maybe we should discuss it with you first, see what you thought and then talk to Ryan about it."

Dr. Armstrong scanned Ryan's chart. "It says here that Ryan fell off a ladder. I don't understand – what's there to discuss?"

Again Kirsten began to talk fast. "Seth was supposed to be holding the ladder that Ryan was on, but he walked away for a minute. Somehow while Seth was gone, the ladder fell and so did Ryan. Since he doesn't remember the accident, we don't know if he realized Seth had walked away, so we don't know how mad he's going to be, and well, we're not sure what to tell him about it."

Dr. Armstrong looked at Dr. Richards. "Seth?"

Dr. Richards just shrugged. "The other son."

Both doctors then looked at Kirsten, waiting for more. Kirsten twisted her wedding rings around her finger, trying to figure out how to make them understand without going into the entire family history. "Look, we already had a really long summer. Neither boy was living at home. They weren't talking to each other, and they were barely talking to us. Ryan only talked when we called him. Seth wouldn't even do that much. I just… I don't want us to go back to that again."

"Mrs. Cohen," Dr. Armstrong started. "I understand your concern, but as you know, Ryan will eventually remember the accident. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but he will remember it. If he asks, it would be better to be honest with him, and I would guess that he's going to be upset with Seth, but I'm sure they'll work it out. Brothers usually do. When I was a kid, my mother would always tell my brother and me to kill each other quietly, which we did, and in the end, we always worked it out."

Kirsten knew that this Dr. Armstrong was just trying to be nice, trying to appease her, but it didn't help. Since there was no way she was going to go into the whole foster son/trust issue thing with this guy, she just smiled, nodded and walked into Ryan's room.

"It might be better if we woke him," she whispered. "That way he won't be confused or upset."

They were all surprised to hear, "Not sleep."

"Hey. I thought you were going to get some sleep." Kirsten spoke softly so Ryan wouldn't think she was mad.

"Sorry. Rest. Not sleep."

"Don't be sorry," Sandy said. "There are a couple of doctors here who'd like to see you so it kind of helps that you were only resting."

Ryan nodded, but didn't open his eyes as Dr. Richards approached the bed first. "Hi, Ryan. I'm Dr. Richards. I just need to take a look at your stomach and chest, if you don't mind."

Again Ryan nodded without opening his eyes. He knew he really didn't have much say in the matter. Plus at least this way, maybe someone would finally tell him what the hell happened. Ryan felt his covers being pulled down and grabbed at them quickly since it seemed like the doctor was pulling them down just a little too low. He knew all he had on was a hospital gown and once the covers came down, the hospital gown would go up, and well, he wasn't sure what kind of show this guy was about to give Kirsten. Dr. Richards tried to tug the blankets free from Ryan's grasp. "Ryan, I need to examine your abdomen."

"That not abdomen," Ryan struggled to say, his hand still firmly grasping the covers. He heard the doctor laugh when he realized what Ryan was getting at. "Sorry. Didn't mean to get too personal, but I do need to check." Ryan held tight to the blankets, making sure they stayed by his hips as he felt the hospital gown going up.

All thoughts of the blankets quickly went out of his head when the doctor started to poke and push on Ryan's stomach. It hurt a lot, and Ryan could only grunt and hiss as the doctor moved his hands over Ryan's stomach, pushing here, poking there. "Sorry. Real painful?" Ryan managed to hiss "yeah" through gritted teeth as the doctor pushed again on his stomach.

"I can give you something for the pain when we're done. Okay?"

"Kay." Ryan grunted again as the doctor continued. It was a relief when Ryan felt the doctor remove his hands from his stomach and place a stethoscope on his chest. That is until the doctor said, "I need you to take a deep breath."

Ryan's deep breath was short and more like a gasp as the pain shot through his body. He was not very happy to hear the doctor say "again."

It helped calm him a little bit when Ryan felt a gentle hand on his leg and a firmer squeeze on his ankle. He didn't need to open his eyes to know Kirsten and Sandy were still standing there. It wasn't easy, but Ryan took as deep a breath as possible and tried not to groan as the pain again shot through his body. It was a bigger relief to feel the doctor remove the stethoscope and then pull down the hospital gown.

The doctor then grabbed his left hand. "Squeeze my hand, Ryan." Ryan squeezed as hard as he could, since it didn't really hurt, and well, truth be told; he kind of wanted to hurt the doctor just a little for hurting him first. Unfortunately all the doctor said was, "very good" as he pulled his hand free of Ryan's.

"Mr. Cohen, can you uncover Ryan's left foot?" Ryan opened one eye just a little and watched as Sandy pulled up the covers, exposing a big white cast and his toes. Ryan watched as the doctor moved down to the end of the bed. "I need you to wiggle your toes for me, Ryan." Even though Ryan thought it was a stupid request, he complied anyway.

"Okay, very good." The doctor covered Ryan's leg back up. "So far, so good. Everything seems to be healing nicely from my perspective. Ryan, that's all from me, for now."

"Thank God," Ryan muttered, shifting in the bed and thinking just maybe Kirsten was right when she told him to go to sleep.

"Sorry, pal, but now it's my turn." Ryan opened one eye to see the other guy in the white coat approach the bed. "I'm going to need you to open both eyes, as wide as you can."

Ryan closed his eye again and shook his head. "No. Hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Lights. Too bright. Hurts eyes."

"Okay, so let's start this way. What else is bothering you besides the lights?"

"Head hurts."

"What else?"

"Talk stupid."

"Ryan, you don't talk stupid." Ryan sighed. He knew Kirsten would make a comment, the second he struggled to get out the words; he just knew Kirsten would say something.

"Anything else?"

"Don't 'member."

"Don't remember what?"

"Accident."

"But you can remember everything else? Your family? Where you live? If I asked you where you were born, what would you say?"

Ryan frowned. "Hospital."

"Which hospital? Where?"

Ryan again frowned, and then shifted in the bed before turning his head away. "Fresno."

Dr. Armstrong looked at Kirsten and Sandy, confused by the sudden change in Ryan's demeanor. Kirsten took a step closer to the bed. "And if I asked what happened to the Range Rover last summer?"

"Imax. Shark Movie. Very violent."

"Uh huh. And your little side trip to Tijuana?"

"No. Comi-con." Ryan just smirked as he relaxed again.

Dr. Armstrong wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but as far as he was concerned, at least Ryan's memory wasn't impaired. "Okay, so it appears the only thing you don't remember is the accident. You will shortly. If not, then someone will explain it. So, moving on. As for talking stupid – your speech will gradually improve. In the short time we've been in the room, your speech has already gotten better. The more you talk, the faster it will improve."

Ryan opened one eye to find Sandy smirking at him. "Don't say."

Both Sandy and Kirsten couldn't resist laughing. "Say what? That you now have an expert medical opinion stating that you must talk more? Maybe Dr. Armstrong can put it in writing for us. You know, as a reminder. Big bold letters - Ryan Must Talk More."

Again, Dr. Armstrong was confused by whatever inside joke this was, so he just continued on. "As for the headache, that's to be expected. That could last for several days, weeks, even months. But there are medications that will lesson the severity, and over time the pain will diminish until one day you notice the headache is completely gone. Same with the sensitivity to light. Have someone bring you a pair of sunglasses. That will help. Also, we'll be moving you to a step down unit in a little while. Not so bright. You'll be able to keep the lights off and the shades drawn. You also won't be attached to so many machines, less noise. All those things will help. How about dizziness or nausea?"

Kirsten started to shake her head no. Ryan hadn't complained about them, so she was a little shocked to hear Ryan say, "Yeah. Both. Little."

"Again, common. And again, they'll both get better over time. After you're moved to your new room, we'll start you out on a liquid diet. Hopefully some of the nausea will go away from eating. But be prepared, you may also vomit."

"Great. Can't wait."

"Okay, pal. That just leaves one last thing. I need you to open your eyes as wide as possible. Sorry, but I do have to check your pupils, and I can only do that with your eyes open."

Ryan groaned but turned his head towards the doctor. Dr. Armstrong took his penlight and held it up to Ryan's right eye. "Okay, open your eyes." Ryan opened his eyes, not expecting the assault with the flashlight. He quickly shut them again as he jerked his head away. "Ryan, you need to look at me."

"No."

"Ryan, you need to open your eyes and look at me. Come on, real quick."

"No."

Dr. Armstrong looked at Kirsten and Sandy. He didn't want to have to force the kid's eyes open, but if he had to, well, he would. Sandy patted Ryan's leg. "Ryan. Come on. Open your eyes and look at the doctor."

"No."

"Ryan…" Sandy started, but really wasn't sure what to say. He had no words of wisdom for this particular case.

Kirsten walked over to the side of Ryan's bed and slipped her hand into his. She bent down close and whispered something into his ear. Ryan made a face, then sighed as he turned his head towards the doctor.

"Okay. Ready. Open your eyes." Ryan did as the doctor ordered and was quickly assaulted with the flashlight again. He groaned as the doctor then moved the light over to his left eye. "Very good. Okay, you can close them now."

He didn't have to tell Ryan twice as he closed his eyes tight and turned his head away from the guy. Kirsten smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."

"Pupils are equal and responsive."

"Yippee," Ryan muttered. He didn't know what that meant, and at that point, he didn't care. He just wanted these people to go away. He was tired, and he wanted them to just leave him alone. Kirsten, too. He should have known she wouldn't play fair. No one could _force_ him to open his eyes, but Kirsten certainly knew how to _make_ him.

Ryan could particular hear her smiling as she and the other 'adults' moved to the side of the room to talk about him as if he wasn't even there, or worse, as if he were a small child.

"Very impressive, honey. Care to fill us in?"

"In on what?" Now Ryan knew Kirsten was smirking, especially when he heard Dr. Armstrong say, "it's a Mom-thing, right Mrs. Cohen?"

"You could say that. Is Ryan really okay?"

Ryan tried not to make it look too obvious that he was listening. "I'd say we're both very happy with Ryan's condition. The fact that he was able to stay awake this whole time is a very good sign. As Dr. Armstrong explained, Ryan will be moving to a step down unit as soon as it can be arranged. I'll leave a standing order for pain medication, every four to six hours as needed. I'd like to see Ryan try to eat something later this afternoon, maybe sit up in bed or even a chair by this evening, and up on his feet with some help by sometime tomorrow. If he can accomplish all that, hopefully we can get him home by the end of the weekend."

"That fast?" Kirsten said. "I mean, no offense, but aren't you moving a little fast? He just woke up a few hours ago."

"Now that he is awake, you'll be surprised at how fast he'll progress. He will still need plenty of bed rest as well as a great deal of care once he is home. You may even want to consider home health care. Until then, though, we'll be disconnecting the heart monitor once he's moved. The catheter can come out tomorrow, but the IV has to stay in. We need to continue the IV antibiotic therapy for a full seven days. He'll remain on oral antibiotics after he's discharged. With the loss of Ryan's spleen, you'll want to do what you can to reduce his exposure to illness so keep visitors to a minimum. Only immediate family. I would also recommend that for the holiday season as well."

Dr. Richards waited for the Cohens to nod that they were following him up till that point before continuing. "Bring whatever he'd like from home. Slippers, bathrobe, pajamas, sunglasses, whatever will make him most comfortable. Hold off on any reading material or hand held computer games. Those as well as television will be a little too difficult for now. The same goes for music. Don't bring an iPod or anything like that. Any questions?"

Ryan waited for Kirsten or Sandy to say something. He sure as hell had some questions, so he knew they had to as well. He was shocked to hear Kirsten say, "No. I think we got it all," and Sandy say, "Thank you." He waited for the goodbyes and for Sandy and Kirsten to come back over by his bed before asking the questions that had immediately come to mind.

"My spleen?"

Kirsten gave an "um…" before Sandy explained. "Yeah, kid. They had to remove your spleen. It was ruptured. I know it sounds really bad, but they tell us people live pretty normal lives without one. There are some precautions we'll have to take, but over time your body will adjust and organs like your liver will compensate for the loss."

"Precautions?"

"Yearly flu shots, short term antibiotic therapy, nothing too traumatic, I promise. Okay?"

Ryan laid his hand on his stomach. "Um, kay" was all he could think to say. He was quiet as he slowly moved his hand back and forth, rubbing where he could feel the incision was. He felt Kirsten lay her hand on top of his and give it a gentle squeeze. He never heard the nurse come in nor did he know she had once again injected something into his IV. She left just as quietly as she came in, only smiling at the Cohens as she left.

After a few minutes, Ryan asked, "Day is it?"

"It's Wednesday."

"Hanukkah?"

"Don't worry about Hanukkah. It doesn't matter."

Ryan knew it didn't matter to Kirsten, but it did to Sandy and Seth. "No, go. Celebrate. I'm 'kay."

"Hey, come on," Sandy said. "We can't celebrate without you. Hanukkah can wait until you're feeling better. After all, it doesn't matter when we celebrate as long as we celebrate together."

Ryan was now really getting very tired but wasn't ready to end the conversation. "Mmm. Celebrate here?"

As he began to drift off to sleep, he heard Sandy say, "I think that's a good idea, but only if you're up to it later. You know – the start of Hanukkah is the kick off to the whole Chrismukkah season."Ryan frowned as he fell asleep. That sounded so familiar…


	8. Bad Morning

Ryan woke up startled. Something was pulling at him. He tried to open his eyes but groaned and closed them quickly. He then decided to push away whatever was bothering him. Sandy moved quickly to the side of Ryan's bed. With a gentle pat, he said, "Hey. It's okay. They're just here to move you. That's all."

"Oh. 'Kay." Ryan immediately relaxed at the reassuring sound of Sandy's voice, giving the nurse the chance to finish disconnecting the machines and allowing the orderlies to begin to move Ryan.

As Ryan felt the bed begin to move, he heard Sandy say, "And someone will tell my wife where Ryan's been moved to?"

"Of course, Mr. Cohen. Good luck, Ryan. Take care."

Ryan only waved as he was pushed out of the room. "Kirsten home?"

"Yup. Somehow you actually managed to get her to go home for a couple of hours, a feat I've been unable to accomplish for days now. My guess? She's excited about having a little Chrismukkah tonight with the whole family. She went to go get everything together."

"Presents?"

"Seth took care of them. He'll bring them later. How you doing?"

"Tired."

"Well, don't let me keep you up. Once they get you settled in your new room, feel free to go back to sleep."

"'Kay. You home?"

Sandy patted Ryan's shoulder again. "Later."

Sandy walked behind the bed as the orderlies continued transporting Ryan. He knew the question was coming. He knew that Ryan being awake and Kirsten being gone meant the question was most definitely coming, so Sandy tried to quickly figure out what to say. He was mildly surprised that Ryan didn't say anything else as they continued to the Step Down Unit and into his new room. Ryan remained quiet even after he was moved, and the nurse got him settled. Sandy found himself relieved when it appeared Ryan had fallen back to sleep.

As he laid his head back in his chair, Sandy also began to drift off to sleep and barely heard "Sandy?"

"Mmm."

A louder "Sandy!" made him jump.

"What? What's the matter?"

"What happened?"

Sandy let out a sigh as he moved to the edge of his seat.

"Please. Kirsten home. Need know." Ryan waved his hand over his body. "What do?"

"I promise, Ryan, you didn't do anything wrong. It was an accident. A very stupid accident. An accident that was in no way your fault, but one that you ended up taking the brunt of. You're not in any kind of trouble – legal or parental."

Ryan frowned as he listened to Sandy stall. He waved his hand over his body again. "Accident happened?"

Unfortunately he yawned as he said it, giving Sandy the perfect opportunity to get out of the explanation for now. "You know if you're tired, you should really get some sleep, especially since we're going to keep you up tonight. You can't get too worn out. You'll never recover and Kirsten…."

"Sandy!" Ryan was too tired to continue to listen to Sandy ramble. He wanted to know what he did, and he wanted to know now, before he fell asleep.

Sandy sighed again as he moved to the side of Ryan's bed. "You and Seth were in an accident at home, and I promise you, just as soon as Seth gets here, he'll explain everything to you. Okay? Ryan?"

When he heard the sound of Ryan snoring, Sandy sat back down in his chair, knowing that Kirsten was right. Telling Ryan the truth was hard. Hell, it was damn near impossible. But as Sandy sat there watching Ryan sleep, occasionally moaning in pain, he knew it was time for the truth. Sandy could hear the pleading in Ryan's voice, desperate to know what he did wrong, believing that it was somehow his fault. Sandy knew it wasn't fair to make him wait any longer. As soon as Ryan woke up, Sandy decided they would talk, and he would tell Ryan the whole truth as gently as possible.

That plan was easier said than done. Ryan slept for about an hour and only woke up when the nurse brought his lunch. Sandy hovered over Ryan, despite reminding himself over and over that Ryan was old enough to feed himself. That didn't stop him from putting the straw in the apple juice, or dunking the tea bag in a cup of hot water, or even mixing the chicken broth to cool it down. Ryan watched wordlessly, only shooting Sandy a look when he handed Ryan a spoon.

"Sorry," Sandy said sheepishly. "Just thought maybe you could use some help."

Ryan smiled slightly. "S'kay. Thanks. Kirsten soon? Sunglasses?"

"It's still too bright in here even with the lights out and the shades down?"

"Yeah. Upsets stomach."

"She should be here soon. If she's not here in a few minutes, I'll call her. In the meantime, try eating something. The doctor said some of the nausea should go away when you eat."

"Or get sick."

"Well, there's only one way to find out. Just go slow."

Ryan nodded as he took the apple juice Sandy handed him and drank it slowly. He then took the chicken broth from Sandy and sipped that slowly too. He was just finishing the Jell-O that Sandy cut up, when Ryan realized which of the two options eating was going to have on him.

"Get sick," he sputtered as he threw the Jell-O container down. Sandy tried to move fast, but he wasn't fast enough as Ryan vomited all over his lunch tray. Sandy did manage to get the bowl under him as Ryan started round two. He hit the call button for the nurse as Ryan wrapped his arm around his middle and cried out in pain.

Sandy was glad to see the nurse respond quickly since all he could do was hold Ryan's throw up bowl, rub his back and mumble whatever comforting words he could think of. Unfortunately the nurse looked at Ryan's IV, muttered something about a blown line and walked out of the room.

"Stop pain," Ryan begged. "Please."

"Soon, kid. I promise soon." Sandy began to hit the call button non-stop, furious that the nurse could just leave Ryan suffering. He glared at her when she walked back into the room. "Are you going to help him now?"

The nurse didn't answer at first, only glared back before saying, "Help me roll Ryan onto his side."

"Why?"

The nurse stopped and took a deep breath. "Ryan's IV line is blown. He won't get any relief if I try to administer his medication through it. I have to do it Intra Muscular."

When Sandy stared blankly at the nurse and made no move to help Ryan, she added, "You know, inject it into soft tissue."

Sandy could only nod, as he finally understood what she was saying and quickly moved to the other side of the bed. He laid one hand on Ryan's shoulder and leaned close. "Hey, Ryan. Do you think you could roll towards me for a minute?"

"Why?"

"The nurse has to give you a couple of shots in your, um... A couple of shots."

Ryan opened one eye and looked at Sandy. "Why?"

"To help you."

Ryan looked over at the nurse. He opened his mouth again, but the nurse answered the impending question. "Your IV isn't working any longer, that's why."

"Just great," Ryan mumbled as he finally rolled towards Sandy and closed his eyes.

"This one is for the nausea." The nurse stuck Ryan with the first needle, and Ryan hissed.

"And this one is for the pain." With the second shot, Ryan groaned, and Sandy ran his hand through his hair.

The nurse disposed of both needles and came back to clean up. "You should feel better shortly. I'll just take care of this, and then I'll be back to start a new IV."

Ryan stayed curled up on his side as the nurse removed his lunch tray and well, his lunch, only mumbling a "sorry" as he heard her cleaning up his mess.

"No need for sorry. I should have warned you that the first time eating is usually the roughest. Don't worry, we'll try again later."

"Not likely."

Sandy opened his mouth, but the nurse beat him to it. "Sorry, pal, but if you don't eat, you can't get well enough to get out of here. Not that I mind having you here, but I think your family would prefer to have you home for the holidays. We'll try again later. I promise, it'll be easier next time. I'll be right back to start your new IV."

Ryan waited until he heard the nurse leave before rolling onto his back. He was starting to feel the effects of the pain medication and hoped he was asleep before the nurse came back. "No luck," he mumbled when he heard her return almost immediately. He felt a pat on his shoulder, but didn't bother to open his eyes. He knew it was Sandy.

He could also hear everything the nurse was doing without opening his eyes. He heard her wash her hands. He heard the cart being pushed up to the bed, and he heard the nurse say, "Mr. Cohen." He almost snickered when he heard Sandy say, "oh, sorry" because he knew Sandy was standing in the way. "Yenta," he laughed.

"Still with us? Okay, let's see if we can do this as quickly as possible, and then you can get some sleep." Ryan flinched when the nurse pulled out the old IV needle, and then tensed when she tried to start a new IV in the same arm, right next to the old one.

"Sorry," she whispered as she pulled out the needle. "That vein is no good."

Ryan flinched again the first time the nurse stuck the needle in his right hand. He hissed when she apologized again and stuck him the second time in the same hand. When she stuck him for the third time in the hand, he swore under his breath and began to wonder why the hell the medication hadn't put him out of his misery. Why was he still awake?

He groaned when she apologized yet again and reached for his left hand through his sling. That's when Sandy finally spoke up. "Come on! How many times do you plan on doing this to him?"

The nurse looked up at Sandy. "Believe me, I'm not doing this intentionally. I'm finding it difficult to get a good vein."

It was obvious that the nurse was upset so Sandy softened his voice. "Well, can you wait until he's asleep? He's almost out now. Can you please just wait?"

The nurse looked at the clock before looking back down at Ryan. "I can only wait for about five minutes. It's time to start his antibiotics."

By the time the five minutes was up, and the nurse tried again, Ryan could only whimper, too out of it to complain, but still awake enough to know that he'd been stuck yet again with another needle. Sandy sat and watched as the nurse finally got the new IV line started and hooked up Ryan's antibiotics. She tried to smile at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. He preferred to look at Ryan. Since she left without another word, Sandy didn't even notice at first that she was gone. All he knew was that Ryan was finally, thankfully asleep. But when Ryan shifted in the bed, Sandy leaned forward in his chair. When Ryan moaned in his sleep, Sandy jumped. By the time Kirsten got there a short time later, Sandy was standing next to the bed, gently stroking Ryan's head; full of that parental guilt he had already warned Kirsten about.

She smiled as she came into the room with her arms full of bags. "I'm glad to see there weren't any complications with moving him."

Sandy sighed. "No problems moving him, but definitely problems once he was moved."

Kirsten dropped the bags and moved quickly to the side of the bed. Ryan looked okay. Well, not okay but no worse than when she left. She looked at Sandy, confused as well as concerned.

Sandy put his arm around her shoulder. "Bad day. He got sick when he tried to eat. There was a problem with his old IV, so his shots came, well, the old fashion way. Then the nurse had a lot of trouble starting the new IV. He hasn't been asleep that long. Celebrating tonight probably isn't a good idea."

Kirsten nodded as she looked down at Ryan again, and then she broke her own bad news. "Mr. Greenberg called. He's returning Ryan's physics assignment un-graded. Seems not all of the data was correct. He said given the circumstances, he'd hold Ryan's grade until he's able to complete the project. But…"

Sandy finished, "But no physics fair."

Kirsten sighed, as she shook her head, "Not this year." As they both stared down at Ryan, she added, "He's going to be disappointed."

With that, there was nothing else to say, so Sandy and Kirsten both grew quiet and just watched Ryan sleep. After a few minutes, Kirsten finally said, "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, you?"

"Yes, I grabbed a bite at the mall."

"The mall?"

"Long story. Why don't you go get something to eat? I'll stay here."

Sandy only nodded as he patted Ryan on the shoulder and then kissed Kirsten lightly on the cheek. He needed a break as much as he needed a bite. After Sandy left, Kirsten quietly put the Hanukah bags to the side and began to unpack Ryan's stuff. For some reason, she began to talk, justifying everything she took out.

"I only brought three pair of pajama bottoms since they said you could probably come home by Sunday, but I didn't bring any tee shirts. I thought it would probably be too much trouble for you to get them on and off. Three pair of underpants, too. I've got your slippers. I know you only need one, but I brought them both just in case. I didn't bring any clothes for you to wear home. I figured I could bring them later. Um, here are your toiletries. I'll just put them in the bathroom…"

When Kirsten came back out of the bathroom, she was surprised to find Ryan staring at her through slights in his eyes.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, s'kay."

"Are you feeling any better? Sandy said it was a pretty rough day."

"Yeah. Not fun."

"I know. It'll get easier though, I promise."

"Mmm. Kay. Sunglasses?"

Ryan opened one eye when he heard a 'clunk' on his tray table and found a rather large plastic bag from the 'Sunglass Hut.' He looked at Kirsten who suddenly looked embarrassed. "I couldn't find your sunglasses. That's what took so long. I had to stop by the mall and pick some up."

"Oh, sorry. Um, lost last summer." When Ryan didn't say anything else, Kirsten dumped the sunglasses out. Ryan watched as eight different pair of glasses fell out of the bag. "Few pair?"

Kirsten explained as she began to separate the glasses, "I wasn't sure what you would like. Plus I got various degrees of darkness. These two are really dark, for right now. Then they get lighter. See? Here, try these on. The ones you don't like, I can always take back."

As Ryan put the glasses on, he noticed the tags were conveniently missing. He then noticed the tags were missing from all of the glasses. He knew Kirsten had no plans on taking any of the glasses back. Almost everything she bought him always seemed to have the tags missing. He was keeping them, and she wasn't telling him how much she spent. Same as always.

"How I look?"

Kristin smiled. "You look good."

"Feel stupid."

Kirsten no longer smiled. "Why?"

"In hospital. Banged up. Can't talk. Wearing sunglasses."

"But do they help?"

Ryan looked around the room with both eyes open. "Yeah. They do."

"Then they're not stupid."

As Ryan yawned and stretched out in the bed, Kirsten said, "You can go back to sleep if you want."

"Nah, s'kay. Tired of sleep. All I do."

"There's a reason for that you know. Your body needs the rest so you can get better and come home."

"I fine. Wanna do something."

"What something do you want to do?"

"Don't know. Where Seth?"

"I'm not really sure. He said he had something he had to take care of before he came. He should be here soon."

"Sandy?"

"Went to get some lunch. What's wrong with me?"

Ryan ignored the question and kept talking. "Too quiet here."

"Really? I thought you wanted quiet. What about your headache?"

Ryan thought for a moment. "Headache not bad. Like stuff they gave me. Don't like how got it, but helps lot."

"It's supposed to help you get some rest."

Again Ryan ignored what Kirsten said and kept talking. "Wanna play poker?"

"Play poker?"

"Yeah."

Kirsten laughed. "I don't think you're really up for playing poker right now. Besides, I always lose against you."

"Now you have 'vantage."

"I don't want an advantage. I want to be able to beat you on my own."

"Never happen."

"I have a better game. It's called Sleep."

"Sleep?"

"Yup. The name of the game is Kirsten watches Ryan get some sleep."

"Been playing that for days."

"And you're winning!"

"Not funny." Ryan decided to change the subject. "What time we celebrate?"

"Sandy and I thought maybe we'd hold off on celebrating tonight."

"Why?"

"It's already been a really long day for you, and we figured it would be better…"

"No."

Kirsten raised her eyebrows at Ryan. "No?"

"Need something normal."

"Since when is Chrismukkah normal?"

"Cohen normal."

Kirsten again laughed. "Cohen and normal aren't two words I usually put together in the same sentence."

"Kirsten, please?"

It sometimes took Kirsten by surprise when Ryan sounded like a little kid. "I'll make you a deal. You get some rest now, and we'll see how you're feeling later."

Ryan mumbled, "We'll see? We'll see never good thing."

"I know, but it's just so much fun to say. And it's right out of the big book of parenting." Kirsten reached over towards Ryan's face. "Okay, I'm taking the sunglasses now so you can close your eyes and get some sleep."

Ryan rolled onto his side as Kirsten fixed the blankets around him. As she bent down to give him a kiss, he mumbled, "meany," causing her to laugh again.

"Yeah, and don't you forget it."

She was still giggling a short time later when Sandy came back. "Everything okay?"

Kirsten smiled. "Fine. He was awake for a while and in a really good mood."

"Good mood? Kirsten, the kid's had a really rough morning. How can he be in a good mood?"

Kirsten couldn't help but imitate Ryan, "Um, he 'likes stuff they gave him. Helps lot.' He was really cute."

"Sounds like he was really drugged. Did you tell him about Mr. Greenberg?"

Kirsten shook her head. "No. I just couldn't. Like you said, it's been a pretty rough morning. And he was pretty doped up. I just didn't. I couldn't…"

"That's okay," Sandy told her. "I kind of stalled when he asked about the accident earlier. I'd say we're both pretty impressive with our parenting skills."

"Well, I suggest we tackle this whole nightmare together from now on."

Sandy wrapped his arms around Kirsten. " Mmm. United front. I like that."

As Kirsten lay her head on Sandy's shoulder, she muttered, "This sucks."

"Kirsten, don't say sucks."

"Not funny. Help me get everything together for tonight."

When Sandy frowned, Kirsten continued, "He asked. He wants some normal. I told him if he got some rest, then we'd see. Well, he's resting, so I figured we could celebrate just a little. Then we'll talk."

Sandy laughed when he pulled the Menorah out of the bag. "Where did you find this old thing?"

"The attic. We can't use candles in a hospital, so the electric one will have to do."

Sandy examined his old tacky plug-in dime store Menorah. "I haven't seen this since the first year we were married. I figured it was long gone."

"I would never throw it away, but I certainly wouldn't make it part of our yearly decorations." Kirsten held up a box of light bulbs. "Look, I even bought the tacky yellow and orange bulbs that we used to use. I thought they'd be less irritating for Ryan."

Sandy smiled as he set up the Menorah and Kirsten set out the presents. When there was nothing else to do, they stared at each other and then at Ryan. They also talked quietly and waited – for Seth to show up and for Ryan to wake up.


	9. Hanukkah Hell

_Just a quick note: if it happens in the hospital and it seems strange - remember, been there, done that, happened to me. _

_For those who may not know: Menorah holds the candles during the Hanukkah celebration. The Shamash is the middle candle that is lit first. You light all other candles from the Shamash. Gelt are the Jewish chocolate coins which can be used in drediel. Drediel is a top with Jewish lettering on it. It's a fun game._

_The Menorah in this story is actually true. I don't mean to offend anyone when talking about how tacky it is. I've stared that this same Menorah now for 14 years in the office where I work, proving that Jewish lawyers do, on occasion, have tacky Menorahs. Not all plug in ones are tacky - just this one._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

It was just before dinner when Seth finally came in. He was surprisingly quiet as he slipped into the room. "Sorry. I, ah, had some last minute stuff to take care of. How's Ryan doing?"

Kirsten stood up and gave Seth a hug before taking his bags of presents and adding them to the pile. "Not bad. He's been sleeping for a while now."

Seth inched his way into the room. "Does he know about Mr. Greenberg yet?"

"Not yet. First he wanted a little Chrismukkah. Then we plan on telling him everything." Sandy put his arm around Seth as he gently guided him all the way into the room.

"Everything?"

"Yes, Seth, everything."

"Well, tonight should be fun then."

"He has the right to know."

"No. I know; you're right. It's just…it's going to be the end."

"The end?"

"I'm about to lose my best friend - my brother - all because of one massive ginormous screw up, and I can't figure out how to make it right."

Sandy tried to think of something kind to say, even if he wasn't all that sure how true it was. "Don't sell Ryan short. He may get over it, you never know. Family's important."

"Ah, yes, spoken like a man who barely acknowledges that he has a family back East."

Kirsten hadn't said anything at first, preferring to let Sandy try to explain it to Seth, until that last comment. "Seth!"

"I'm just saying I wish there was a way he never had to find out what happened."

"Well, there's not. So you're going to have to own up to your mistakes, apologize for them and take it from there."

"I know." Seth looked over at Ryan. "So what do we do? Do we wake him up or just wait for him to wake up?"

"He'll wake up on his own," Kirsten explained.

"But he has a concussion. Aren't we supposed to wake him up all the time?"

"No. The nurse should be in shortly, probably with his dinner."

"And if he doesn't wake up…"

"Then we wait until tomorrow night."

"But he's okay?"

"He's going to be okay," Kirsten said. "In time."

"But two things you need to know right now," Sandy said. "First, he got sick the last time he ate. He may get sick again. Be prepared. More importantly, he still can't talk in complete sentences. It's improving but he still has trouble, especially when he's tired. I don't want you teasing him about it."

"God, Dad, I'm the reason he's like this. Believe me, I'm not going to make fun of him."

Kirsten gently rubbed Seth's back. "What your father is trying to say is that it's a little difficult sometimes watching Ryan struggle and it can get a little stressful, so we hope you don't try to joke about anything in an attempt to lighten the mood."

"In other words, don't be a jerk."

"We never said you were a jerk."

The conversation came to an abrupt end when Ryan suddenly jumped and began to frantically feel around for something, slamming all around the bed then onto his tray table, getting more and more agitated.

Seth was about to say something when Kirsten patted Ryan's shoulder and handed him something. "It's okay. Here they are."

Some how Ryan managed to get the sunglasses on, although it wasn't easy since his hand was shaking.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Kirsten kept her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"No. I'm…it's nothing."

"Are you in pain? I can get the nurse…"

"No, it's just…no."

Ryan looked around, trying to calm himself down. He didn't want to admit that he'd had a nightmare especially when he couldn't even remember what it was about. All he could remember was that he was alone and scared and falling? It made no sense so he definitely wasn't going to admit to a childish nightmare. He figured it had to be all the drugs they were giving him that caused his nightmare.

Ryan smiled when he saw Seth. "Hey, man. You made it."

"Yeah. I heard there was some candle lighting and present getting to be had."

"My presents?"

"Mom took them. Added them to the stack. Did you see it all? Dude, I think we're really going to clean up tonight!"

"Nah. I good. Don't need."

"Shh, Ryan. You don't want to hurt Mom's feelings, now do you? Come on! 8 days of gifts to be had."

Ryan frowned. There was something about the number eight. No, that's wrong. "7 days. Sorry missed yesterday."

"Don't be sorry about yesterday. It's not your fault. It was…don't worry about it, man. We'll just get twice tonight. Huh? Right, mom? We'll just kick off the Chrismukkah season tonight."

Ryan mumbled, "Hanukkah. Kickoff to whole Chrismukkah season." And then he frowned again. He said that before. But when did he say that? He looked at Seth. He'd said it to Seth. When the hell did he say it to Seth?"

Ryan opened his mouth to ask but was interrupted when the nurse came in with his dinner.

"Okay. Ready to try again? We'll stick with the liquid diet again. If you can handle that then later we'll try something more solid. Any preference? Ice cream? Maybe a cookie? Pound cake?"

Ryan thought for a minute. "Um, fruit?"

Seth couldn't help but laugh. "Fruit? Did you really just ask for fruit? That's just, well, wrong."

Ryan glared as Sandy warned, "Seth…"

But the nurse just nodded. "Let me guess. You'd like some grapes, watermelon, maybe an orange?"

Ryan nodded as he realized that sounded good. Really good, but definitely strange.

"Don't worry. It's common. Your body is craving Vitamin C because it helps the body heal. Manage to keep this down, and I'll see what I can do about some fruit salad."

Ryan stared at his tray, remembering what happened the last time he attempted to eat. He then looked at Seth, Kirsten and Sandy. "Go. You eat."

Kirsten walked over and just like Sandy did with his lunch, started opening the containers, putting the straw in the drink and cutting up the Jell-o. "Seth can go get our dinner. Then we'll all eat together."

"No, go. Eat. Come back."

"No. Seth can go down to the cafeteria and bring back our dinner. We'll eat together and then we'll celebrate together."

"No. You…I…Sandy?"

"Sorry, kid. You wanted Chrismukkah tonight. Dinner together as a family before we light the candles as a family - that's Chrismukkah."

"It you're not up for it, we can always put it off until tomorrow," Kirsten said as she handed him the juice. "We don't have to celebrate tonight."

Seth agreed. "Yeah, Ryan, who says we have to do it tonight? We can wait 'til you feel better. If you want, we can, well, just talk."

"No. S'okay. Just…" He looked at Sandy, hoping to get his understanding.

"Don't worry - if you think you're going to get sick, just say something, and we'll give you your space.

Ryan mumbled, "yeah right," since he knew they wouldn't leave if he puked again. Sandy didn't leave the last time. Hell, he even held the bucket for Ryan to throw up into.

As Sandy handed Seth some money, he whispered, "Get something that doesn't smell too strong, maybe some sandwiches."

Seth nodded as he turned to leave. "Hey, Ryan, I'll see what I can find fruit-wise. I'm sure I can get some oranges, but I'm not so sure about watermelon or grapes. Not here in the hospital since it's not exactly summer."

Ryan frowned yet again as he nodded. Summer? Summer…why was Ryan suddenly mad at Summer? Not the season, but the person? Didn't make sense. Ryan couldn't even remember the last time he spoke to Summer.

He was still thinking about it when Kirsten touched his arm. "Hey, you okay? Is it your headache? I know the pain medication is wearing off soon. I can call the nurse so she can give you another shot. It'll help you sleep."

"No!" Ryan didn't mean for it to come out as loud as it did. "Um, no. S'okay. I fine. Eat, celebrate then shot, if need."

Ryan looked down at his tray so he didn't have to admit that he was a little afraid to fall asleep and risk another nightmare. He needed to stay off the pain medication.

He continued playing around with the stuff on his tray, waiting for Seth and listening to Sandy and Kirsten talk. He tried every so often to add to their conversation so they wouldn't think he was too tired or in too much pain. He also hoped Seth would get back soon to fill in the quiet moments.

Luckily, Seth returned quickly with sandwiches, chips, sodas and about a dozen oranges and grapefruits. "Hope this is good enough. I'll stop by the store tomorrow and pick up more fruit."

Ryan only nodded, and then slowly began to pick at his liquid dinner as everyone else ate their sandwiches and listened to Seth's non-stop chattering. Despite being glad Seth was there and being really happy to see him, for some reason Ryan was starting to find Seth's conversation annoying. He wasn't really sure why. Normally he'd just listen to Seth rambling unaffected, but not this time. This time it was annoying. Ryan assumed it was because the pain in his head was slowly intensifying.

Kirsten noticed first that Ryan was rubbing his head and no longer eating. She tapped Sandy, who motioned for Seth to be quiet.

It took Ryan about a minute before he realized no one was talking. He looked up to see everyone staring at him. "What?"

Sandy stepped closer to Ryan, looking at him closely so as to gauge how Ryan really was doing. "We're just waiting for you to finish so we can get this celebration underway."

Even with his sunglasses on and the shades drawn, Ryan knew it wasn't time. "Not dark 'nough."

"This is condensed Chrismukkah," Sandy joked. "We can start whenever we want so we'll start as soon as everyone's done eating."

Kirsten and Seth both quickly wrapped up their dinner and said 'done'. Then Kirsten scanned Ryan's tray. "Not bad. Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

"You don't feel sick at all?"

"No."

"That's good." Kirsten removed Ryan's tray as Sandy brought the Menorah over.

It took Seth less than 30 seconds to as, "What is that?"

Sandy unraveled the cord and plugged it into an extension cord. "This is from my college days. Your mom found it in the attic."

"That has got to be the ugliest thing I have ever seen."

Ryan only nodded. It was definitely not their usual Menorah.

"Hey, Ryan, want some Hanukkah gold?" Seth scraped the base with his finger, and they both snickered as more paint chipped off.

Sandy looked at them both. "Hey! Don't ruin it! Some day this will be a valuable antique. It's a classic."

Ryan looked at the menorah. "It's ugly!"

Seth looked at Ryan. "It's yours."

"Huh?"

"Someday when we divide up the 'rents possessions, I bequeath it to you."

Ryan made a face. "Gee, thanks," and Sandy joined in with a sarcastic, "yeah, thanks."

"Hey, I'm just saying – it'll always be in the family. Just, Ryan's side of the family!"

Kirsten took out the yarmulkes. "Well, we can't use candles in the hospital so it's either your father's treasured antique or nothing."

Seth laughed again when he saw the Christmas bulbs but Ryan didn't. Something about the Christmas lights suddenly bothered him. Seth then joked about lighting the Shamash as he screwed the center bulb into the Menorah. But Ryan wasn't listening as he suddenly became fixated on the light just as Sandy began to recite the prayers. Kirsten tried to get him to read faster when she noticed Ryan's blank stare.

Ryan finally closed his eyes as Sandy continued. The nightmare started just as he began to doze off. He saw the ground rushing up to him. Over and over, Ryan saw the ground, each time he got just a little closer. Just before Ryan saw himself hit the pavement, he jumped and looked around. He was still in the hospital, but now Kirsten, Seth and Sandy were all staring at him.

"You okay, man?"

"Okay, that's it. We're finished for the night. Ryan, you need to get some rest now."

"No. S'kay. I fine. Go on."

"Sorry, kid. Kirsten's right. This is a little too much for you tonight."

"No. I'm 'kay. Just…"

"Just what?"

"Nothing. Really. Please." Ryan didn't know how to explain his nightmare without sounding childish. So he just didn't say anything.

The doctor said he'd remember so Ryan rationalized that this was just him remembering. Kirsten and Sandy said he had fallen. That nightmare had to have something to do with the fall.

It was outside in front of the house.

So he figured he fell somewhere in the driveway. Ryan couldn't go back to sleep until he figured it out just a little more. He must have been quiet too long as he saw Kirsten reach over and pick up the Menorah. He quickly put his hand on hers. "No. Please. Sorry. I fine."

"Ryan, there's no reason to be sorry. You just need some rest."

"No."

Kirsten was about to continue the argument but Sandy spoke first. "Okay. We'll continue, but we're going to condense the already condensed Chrismukkah. I think it's acceptable to forego the prayers for tonight. We'll light the other two candles and move directly to presents. Deal?"

"Um, kay."

"Seth, go ahead."

"Sure." Seth tapped the light bulb in his hand against the center bulb before screwing it in. "Get it…I'm lighting it off the Shamash."

"Seth…" Kirsten sighed. "Okay, Ryan. Your turn."

"Kay." Ryan too clicked the bulb against the center bulb before screwing it in. His light was barely on when Kirsten started pulling out the presents.

Ryan managed to open his presents, albeit slower than the rest. It never failed to surprise him how much the Cohens always appreciated the small gifts he got them and yet not think twice about all they got him. He was still thinking about it when he noticed Kirsten cleaning up, ready to end the super condensed Chrismukkah celebration. Ryan knew that meant she would insist on the nurse giving him a shot. He'd fall back to sleep and have another nightmare without remembering the entire accident. He needed to remember the accident so the nightmares would stop.

"Dreidel!" Ryan finally blurted out, and then noticed three pair of eyes staring at him.

"What?" "Dreidel?" "Huh?"

"Yeah. Play dreidel."

Kirsten continued cleaning up as she shook her head. "Ryan, I don't think it's a good idea." She was relieved when Sandy agreed with her. "Maybe tomorrow night."

"No, come on. Seth…"

Since Seth knew the talk was next, he knew this was probably the last chance they'd ever have to play dreidel together.

"Well, if we really want to give Ryan some Cohen Chrismukkah normal, then I think a game of dreidel is just what the doctor would order."

Kirsten continued shaking her head. "Sorry. I didn't bring a dreidel or any gelt. So no dreidel for tonight." But then Kirsten saw the pitiful expressions on the faces of both boys.

"Okay, one fast round and then Chrismukkah is done for tonight. Deal?" Seth and Ryan nodded.

"Still one problem," Sandy said. "No dreidel or gelt."" Then Sandy saw the looks on the faces of Seth and Ryan. And Kirsten. He sighed and threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine. I'll go down to the gift shop and see what's there."

Ryan grew quiet again after Sandy left, relieved at the slight reprieve from not having to sleep. Besides, dreidel was fun, or it was when he played it with the Cohens. Not that he'd know what it was like playing it with anyone else since last year was the first time he'd every played, but he had fun. And this way, he'd have time to think, try and piece together the accident.

Seth, on the other hand, felt the need to fill the time with talk. If Ryan didn't know any better, it sounded a lot like Seth's nervous constant babbling – the extra nonsense talking he did when he was uptight about something. It was really annoying. Ryan again closed his eyes and began to rub his temples. He opened them when he felt a hand on his shoulder again. Kirsten was looking down at him, concern on her face.

"There is no reason you have to overdo it tonight."

"I'm not. It's just…" Ryan looked over at Seth.

Kirsten smiled as she picked up the water pitcher. "Seth, why don't you go fill this up for Ryan?"

Seth nodded as he took the pitcher. As he turned to leave, Ryan was sure he heard him mumble. "I guess Mr. Greenberg was right, I am a water boy."

Ryan stared at the door as it closed behind Seth.

Greenberg? Seth didn't have Greenberg, so why would he call Seth a water boy?

Kirsten smiled. "Okay. So, now Seth's gone, and we've sent Sandy on some kind of dreidel mission. Anything else?"

"Nope. Thanks."

"So, why don't you just rest while it's still quiet?"

"Kay."

Ryan leaned back and closed his eyes. He wanted to relax, so he could remember what happened. But he just saw the ground rushing towards him over and over again. No, he was falling to the ground. The pavement in front of the house, by the stairs. But he couldn't have just fallen off the front steps. He wouldn't have gotten this hurt. He'd have to have been higher up, but on what?

Seth returned quickly. "Hope you like it cold. Lots of ice. Can I pour you a glass?"

Ryan could only nod as he watched Seth fill his cup. He tried to raise it to his mouth, but water was spilling all over the place.

"Ryan, buddy, you okay? Your hand is shaking really bad."

"No, I 'kay."

Kirsten took a step closer to the bed. "Ryan…"

"I said I 'kay!" He didn't mean to snap but he was suddenly feeling very anxious and scared and mad, and he wasn't exactly sure why.

All he could do was mumble "sorry."

No one said anything for a few minutes before Kirsten said, "Oh, wait. There is another present. Julie dropped it off earlier."

Kirsten pulled out a small box out of her purse. It was wrapped in red and green paper with a big red bow on top. Ryan quickly became fixated on the bow. He remembered a red bow from somewhere. It was on something somewhere. A present? No, that wasn't it. Ryan kept trying to remember where he saw a red bow before and why it suddenly felt very important to remember. Was it a Christmas tree? No. Not a tree but some kind of evergreen. A wreath? Suddenly Ryan had the image of a wreath with a big red bow.

It made no sense. The wreath from last year had a yellow bow. Ryan remembered because Kirsten was annoyed. She said it blended too much with the color of the house. It wasn't bold and bright enough. So it had to be from this year. No, that wasn't right. Ryan remembered- the landscapers hadn't brought the wreath yet. Maybe he just wanted to tell the landscapers to bring a wreath with a red bow?

Ryan's thoughts were interrupted when Kirsten began to read the card. "'Not sure if I'm doing this whole kosher thing correctly but Merry Hanukkah,' and look, it's a month's supply of bagels. Well that's…original. On the bright side, at least we don't have to spend Christmas dinner at the Haunted Mansion."

Christmas. Haunted Mansion. The landscapers were at the Haunted Mansion. That's right. That's why they hadn't brought the wreath yet.

After a few more minutes of silence, Seth finally said, "I don't know, Mom. Something about Christmas lights on a Menorah. It just seems so wrong. Next thing you know we'll be spinning the poinsettia and not the dreidel!"

Christmas lights…Christmas lights?

Poinsettias!

Suddenly the words clicked with the images. He and Seth were supposed to decorate because the landscapers went to the Haunted Mansion. But Seth didn't. He was…where was he?

Ryan was up on the ladder with the wreath. He looked down. Where was Seth? He wasn't there. Ryan fell. He suddenly remembered it all. And then he knew why they wouldn't tell him. Why every time he asked, they wouldn't tell him. Seth walked away. He let Ryan fall. It suddenly made perfect sense. The accident wasn't his fault; it was Seth's. No wonder no one would tell him, and no wonder Seth was so quick to help finish his physics project. But if Greenberg called him a water boy for it, well, that couldn't be good.

"What 'bout Greenberg?" Ryan asked. It was the first question of many, since he wanted to see how long they planned on continuing the lies.

Kirsten looked at Seth as he stepped closer to the bed. "I messed up, bro. I tried to finish the project, but Mr. Greenberg returned it un-graded. I really did try to help Lindsey, but the data was wrong. I couldn't read your writing."

"My fault?"

"No, mine. It was mine. And look." Seth pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. "This is half of what the first prize would have been had you guys won the physics fair. I gave Lindsay her half before I came here."

Just from the thickness of the envelope, Kirsten knew it must have contained a great deal of money. "Seth, where did you get that kind of money?"

"After Mr. Greenberg reamed into me about messing up the project, I went downtown and sold my comic books. All of them."

"Seth…" Kirsten sighed, but Seth continued addressing just Ryan, "I know you and Lindsay keep talking about getting the money for college. I mean, I know this doesn't help with the prestige of winning but I figured it would help toward the costs."

And Kirsten continued trying to be part of the conversation as she looked from Seth to Ryan. "What does he mean, worried about the cost of college? Ryan, I thought we already talked about this in September?"

Ryan ignored Kirsten, glaring only at Seth. "Grand gesture?"

"Grand gesture?" Seth repeated. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Ryan struggled to get the words out which made him even madder. "Payoff for leaving."

Seth just stared at Ryan for a minute, "Um…"

"Where you go?" Ryan raised his voice as he continued to struggle with the words.

"Go? Where? Before? I told you, I went downtown. I would have been here sooner, but I wanted to see Lindsey first."

"No!" Ryan shouted. "You left. I fell."

"Oh… you mean…" Seth looked at Kirsten who stood with her mouth open staring at Ryan. They knew at that moment that Ryan remembered the accident.

"Ryan, man. I am so sorry. Really, I am. It's just… I thought you were done."

"Done? Done! How done? Still on ladder!"

"I know. And I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry…"

"Always sorry. Never have back."

"That's not true! There have been a lot of times I've covered for you." But at that moment, Seth couldn't think of one. "And I would list them, too if, well, if Mom wasn't standing right here!"

Ryan only glared at him and then looked away.

"Look, I know I screwed up. Believe me, it's all I've thought about since that day. I wish there was a way to take it back. To re-do the whole day over, but differently. But I can't, and you have every right to be mad. But I'm so sorry."

Ryan still wouldn't say anything. Still wouldn't look at Seth. Kirsten was about to say something when Ryan suddenly backhanded the old Menorah off his tray table, sending it crashing to the floor at Seth's feet.

"Ryan!" Kirsten didn't mean to shout. It was more from shock than anger. She turned towards Seth who was looking equally as shocked. "Seth, I think you should go see what's keeping your father."

As Seth hurried out of the room, Kirsten softened her voice and approached the bed. "Ryan. I know you're upset, and I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Now talk?" Ryan continued looking away, refusing to look at Kirsten, but his tone said it all.

"We were planning on talking tonight. All four of us."

"Yeah. Right."

Kirsten spoke slowly, raising her voice slightly. "We were planning on telling you tonight."

This time, however, Ryan didn't bother to answer. He slumped down in the bed and began to stare up at the ceiling.

"Have we ever lied to you?"

Ryan continued to stare at the ceiling, still refusing to answer.

"Have we?"

Ryan shrugged in response and continued to stare up at the ceiling. Kirsten just sighed. "Look, I can't make you believe me. All I can do is promise you that we were planning on talking this evening. After Chrismukkah. Sandy and I both felt it was important that Seth be here, and that you be strong enough to handle the truth. You just woke up this morning!"

Ryan closed his eyes as Kirsten continued. "Not telling you right away was more about protecting you than it was Seth. We both believe you had the right to know, but…"

Kirsten jumped when Ryan suddenly pulled off his sunglasses and slammed them down on the tray table, breaking them in half. He then pulled the covers up to his shoulders and turned to his side, signaling to Kirsten that he was clearly done listening. She was glad that it was only a minute or two later when Sandy came back.

"What happened? Seth said Ryan knows about the accident."

"He remembered on his own," Kirsten said. "And now he thinks we weren't going to tell him."

"Oh. He's just upset. Give him some time."

Yeah, Ryan thought, just keeping talking about me like I'm not even here. Ryan shifted in the bed to let them know that he was still there, still awake and could hear everything they were saying. He quickly regretted that decision when he heard Sandy tell Kirsten, "Why don't you take Seth home? I'll stay tonight."

Ryan didn't hear Kirsten's response, but could pretty much guess that she would leave. That way, Sandy could have a talk with him. Not happening, Ryan thought to himself. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he burrowed further under the covers. When Kirsten bent down to kiss him good night, Ryan moved so the kiss landed by his ear. He then heard her sigh. "Okay then. Good night Ryan. I'll see you in the morning."

He didn't bother to answer her, nor did he answer when Sandy said, "I'll be right back, Ryan. I'm just going to help Kirsten bring this stuff out."

And continue to talk about me, Ryan thought as he listened to them gather up everything. As they were leaving, Sandy said loudly and to no one in particular, "Well, I guess that solves the problem of which one of them will inherit my treasured antique."

"I'll stop by the nurse's station on my way out, and tell the nurse to bring you something for the pain." Kirsten, naturally, didn't get an answer, but by this time, she wasn't expecting one.

Ryan heard the door shut, but stayed under the covers. He wanted the nurse to come in. He wanted something for the pain. He wanted to go to sleep. He was no longer worried about having a nightmare. He remembered everything about the accident – that was the nightmare in and of itself. Ryan tensed when he heard the door open. Luckily, it was only the nurse.

"Your mother tells me you're in pain. I need your IV."

"Seth's mother," Ryan mumbled as he moved just enough for the nurse to reach his IV.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

Ryan tried to relax after the nurse left. He hoped to be asleep before Sandy got back. Or at least, he could pretend to be asleep. He didn't move when he heard the door open again. Nor did he move when he heard Sandy sigh.

A few quiet minutes later, Sandy finally said, "I know you're still awake, but I also know you don't want to talk right now. So we won't talk about it tonight. But I'll be here when you wake up, and I'll be here when you want to talk. We will always be here for you, Ryan. I promise you that."

Ryan didn't answer. He didn't want to answer. Hell, at that moment, he had no answer. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything. Everything that happened, and everything they said. Just everything.


	10. Brat

Even though it was still only morning, Kirsten was already very tired when she reached the hospital. She had spent a good part of the night before and all that morning explaining to Seth that to be there _for_ Ryan, they had to be there _with_ him. He was therefore expected at the hospital after school and to be there to celebrate Hanukkah that night, even if Ryan wouldn't speak to any of them.

She hoped that Sandy had had better luck convincing Ryan that they hadn't lied to him and that they'd had every intention of telling him what had happened. That way they only had to deal with Ryan being mad at Seth, not at all three of them. She wasn't at all happy to find Sandy in the hallway outside of Ryan's room when she got there.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me he threw you out?"

"No. To do that would mean he had to have actually said something to me."

"He didn't say anything?"

Sandy shook his head and then began to count on his fingers. "Well, let's see. I did get two 'fines', a 'yeah' and one 'mmm'."

"Did you try to talk to him at all?"

"Not really. After you left, he fell asleep for a while, until he had a nightmare. I think it was a nightmare. I asked, but that's when I got my first 'fine.' He woke up again a few hours later. I asked if he was in pain and needed a nurse; that was my 'yeah.' His other 'fine' came a few hours after that when I asked how he was doing. And first thing this morning I got the 'mmm' in response."

Kirsten sighed first before she sarcastically said, "just great." She then realized that didn't explain why Sandy was standing outside the room. "But what are you doing out here?"

Sandy motioned towards the door. "Julie's in there with him."

Kirsten stared at Sandy for a minute, too stunned at first to say anything and waiting for the punch line to what could only be a very bad joke. When Sandy didn't say anything, Kirsten asked, "Julie? Julie?"

She almost knocked Sandy to the ground as Kirsten tried to push her way into the room. Sandy stopped her quickly when he finally realized what she was thinking.

"Not Julie Cooper. The nurse. Her name is Julie, too. Believe me, I know he's already upset. I wouldn't be that cruel to subject him to Julie Cooper-Nichol!"

"Oh, okay." Kirsten was relieved to know that at least her husband hadn't totally lost his mind, but that still didn't solve their immediate problem. "So, now that we're both here, I guess we should talk to him together. You know – the united front."

"Not just yet. I was thinking of maybe giving him some time."

"Why?"

"Well, right now, the nurse is removing the catheter, drawing blood and helping him get washed and dressed. You thought he was in a bad mood last night? I think we're in for some serious brooding, in epic proportions."

"But he has to know we didn't lie to him."

"He will. Give him some time. We've had since Saturday to come to terms with what happened. He's only had since yesterday. Plus, if we both go in there in full parental mode, you know he'll think we're ganging up on him. This is a lot for him to handle, and right now, he's probably mad at the world."

"Not the world. Just us."

Sandy wrapped his arms around Kirsten and held her tight as he kissed the top of her head. "It'll be okay. We'll work this out."

Kirsten wanted to believe him. She really did. She still had her head on Sandy's shoulder when the nurse came out.

Julie smiled at the two of them. "You can go in now. We're finished."

Sandy and Kirsten both smiled back as Kirsten pulled away from Sandy. "Everything's okay?"

The nurse hesitated for a second then nodded. "I think he'll be a little more comfortable now, even if he didn't seem all that happy with what I was doing."

Sandy tried to joke, "I can't say that I blame him," but Kirsten just shot him a look as she quickly apologized for what she could only imagine was Ryan's behavior. "I'm sorry if Ryan was difficult. He's not very good at accepting help."

Julie smiled again as she tried to figure out a polite yet direct way to say what she was thinking. "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it, especially from teenage boys. But, um, Ryan seems a little upset about something else. I asked him some questions, to help with the language difficulty. After some one word answers, he finally told me he remembered the accident. I thought that was a good thing, but he seemed, well…" Julie hesitated another moment as she noticed both parents anxiously hanging on her every word. "He seemed very bitter."

Kirsten closed her eyes and hung her head as Sandy sighed, "What did he say about the accident?"

"Not much, really. He said he remembered on his own and that no one told him about it. I know it's not really any of my business, but I was wondering why that would be upsetting to him. And if there's anything I can do to help."

When Sandy noticed Kirsten's whole body just sag, obviously dejected by what the nurse said, he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and a gentle squeeze on her shoulder. "Why don't you go in and let Ryan know you're here?"

Kirsten didn't say another word as she marched into Ryan's room, more determined than ever that they were going to be there _with_ him and _for_ him, and she was going to get him to understand the meaning of family, even if she had to jam the concept down his throat. Sandy didn't want to discuss the accident with Ryan; that was fine. She'd find other things to talk about, but they were going to talk. That fact was undisputable.

She hesitated for a moment when she saw Ryan, and noticed that without a shirt, the bandage that covered the incision also covered most of his abdomen. She knew the scar would be a constant, ever-present reminder of what happened. But when Kirsten saw Ryan shift in the bed, she figured it would be better to worry about that later. First they needed him to stop being mad at them; then they could help him come to terms with the accident.

Her "good morning, sweetie" sounded a little too cheery as she noticed Ryan immediately stiffen at the sound of her voice, but she continued on anyway. "Did you sleep well?"

"Fine." One word answer.

"You look better. You must feel a little better, wearing your own clothes and not being attached to as many tubes and um…stuff."

That's when Kirsten mentally kicked herself for bringing up the fact that Ryan just had a catheter removed from, well,_ there_. Not a great subject to discuss with anyone, but an angry teenage boy? Probably not one of her brightest moves. But if Ryan noticed or even minded, Kirsten couldn't tell, since all he said was "mmm."

Kirsten opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out another pair of sunglasses. She nudged Ryan's shoulder to get him to open his eyes and take them. But Ryan only opened one eye, looked at the glasses then at Kirsten. "No… thanks. Tired, headache, night." Then he rolled to his side and pulled the covers up to his shoulder.

'Oh yeah, serious brooding happening here,' Kirsten thought as she returned the sunglasses to the nightstand and shut the drawer. She couldn't resist straightening the covers and running her hand over the back of his head before she sat in the chair next to him. "Okay, then, you just rest. I brought one of the books you gave me for Chrismukkah. I can start that while you sleep. Sandy's talking to the nurse. He should be in soon. Then we'll all have breakfast together."

She didn't really expect Ryan to answer, so she wasn't disappointed when he didn't so much as acknowledge her. She shook her head as she pulled out her book and wondered how the hell they were going to get through to him. She had just opened to the first page when Sandy came in. He looked at Ryan and then at Kirsten. She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "He's tired and has a headache."

Even though her voice sounded friendly enough, Sandy knew – it didn't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out that Kirsten got about as far talking to Ryan as he had. He gave her a sympathetic smile as he too used his best fake isn't-everything-just-great voice. "So, I talked to the nurse. Who would have guessed that someone named Julie could actually be nice and smart! What did Shakespeare say about what's in a name?"

Sandy looked over at Ryan, hoping for some kind of response. When he got nothing, he dropped the fake friendly and used his father/I'm-talking-to-you voice as he continued.

"So anyway, Ryan, Julie said your breakfast should be here in about twenty minutes. I'll go down to the cafeteria in about ten minutes to get something for Kirsten and me so we can all eat together. The doctor should be here sometime after that. Julie said she's not sure what tests he'll order, but she's pretty sure he's going to want you to at least try to get out of bed sometime today, with help of course. Then as soon as she has some time, Julie will be back in. She's going to read some sentences to you, and you're going to repeat them back to her. Remember, the more you talk, the more your speech will improve. Julie's going to help you with that. Okay?"

When Ryan continued lying on his side, not moving or in any way acknowledging him, Sandy's voice got slightly louder. "I said okay, Ryan?"

Ryan immediately recognized the change to the answer-me-now tone and rewarded Sandy with a, "Mmm. Yeah, fine."

No one said anything after that. Both Kirsten and Sandy just sat there, staring at Ryan's back, stealing glances at each other while Ryan just 'rested' and continued to ignore them. After waiting the ten minutes, Sandy stood up and headed for the door. "I'll go get breakfast. Is there anything in particular you'd like?"

Kirsten wrinkled her nose first. "How about something good?"

"Something good? I don't think they have that here."

"Then something light. Ryan, do you want anything from the cafeteria?"

"No." It was a mumble, but it was something, an answer anyway. It was also something Kirsten realized as Sandy left. In the all time that Ryan had lived with them, Kirsten had seen him snap at Seth and get mad and try to ignore Sandy, but he had never, ever been rude enough not to answer her when Kirsten asked him a question. She knew that although it was probably more out of a continued uneasiness around her than it was out of love and respect, it was still a chance for her to continue talking to him and know that he would answer her back.

She went back over to the nightstand and pulled out his sunglasses. As she nudged Ryan's shoulder, she said, "Your breakfast should be here soon. You might want to put these on now and give your eyes a chance to adjust so you don't get sick." She nudged him again. "Come on, Ryan. Now."

Kirsten ignored the groan and tried not to smile when Ryan rolled onto his back and held his hand out for the glasses. As Ryan put on the glasses and settled on staring at the ceiling, Kirsten decided to continue. "I know the lights bothered your eyes last night so I figured tonight we could do the prayers instead of lighting the Menorah. You know, change up the condensed Chrismukkah. How's that sound?"

Ryan's answer was only a shrug of his shoulders, but at least it was an answer. Kirsten continued. "I have the gifts and stuff in the car. We can always tell Sandy that the prayers are too much for you, since well, we both know they're the most boring part of the whole night and go straight for a game of dreidel. Just don't tell Sandy or Seth about the boring part. What do you think?"

Kirsten noticed that at the mere mention of Seth, Ryan's whole body stiffened again, but at least he answered her. "Don't need celebrate."

"Sure we do. Today's only Thursday which means it's still Hanukah. Six more days of present getting and dreidel playing. And coming up with reasons to skip the prayer reading."

"Fine." It was more of a sigh than an answer, but at least he was still answering.

Kirsten wrung her hands together trying to think of more to talk about, more questions to ask. As Sandy came back into the room carrying breakfast, Ryan blurted out, "Just cause you said you pay doesn't mean I like."

Sandy looked more than a little confused as it took Kirsten a minute to figure out what Ryan was referring to. Once she did, she knew it was going to be the same argument from September. "And just because you don't like it, doesn't mean we're not going to do it. We've already told you, if you want to apply for scholarships and awards, go right ahead. We're very proud of all your accomplishments, but if it's not enough for college, then we will be making up the difference. We will not let your dreams die just because of your pride."

Kirsten glanced over at Sandy before she continued. "You may not like everything we do or even agree with it. But the decisions we make are always in your best interest. We have never nor will we ever do anything to intentionally hurt you."

She held her breath for a moment, staring at Ryan, almost daring him to say something. Sandy said he didn't want to discuss it with Ryan at that moment, but she couldn't help it. Besides, Ryan started it – he brought up paying for college again. It was the perfect opportunity to bring everything out into the open. Sandy would understand that.

Kirsten was mildly surprised when she heard Sandy say, "That's true. After all, you know what they say – you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family…"

Even with the sunglasses on, it was obvious that Ryan was giving him 'the look' so Sandy just chuckled at his own corny joke before continuing. "Okay, so maybe you can pick 'um, but once picked – you can't get rid of them."

They both watched Ryan for his reaction. Since no one asked him a question directly, Kirsten didn't expect him to answer. She did watch as he picked at his blanket, looked down at his bed and then at the floor. She knew she heard him mumble something, but she also knew chances were he wasn't going to repeat it, even if she asked. She stopped him as he reached for his glasses, which stopped him from turning away from them again as the orderly came in with breakfast.

"No. Leave them on. Breakfast is here." Kirsten moved quickly to uncover Ryan's breakfast tray, putting the straw in the juice and buttering his toast. She picked up his fork and nudged Ryan again as she handed it to him.

Ryan didn't say a word as he began to poke at his eggs with the fork. After a few quite minutes of watching him, Kirsten finally had enough.

"Ryan. You need to eat it, not play with it."

When Ryan's only response was to poke at the eggs again, Kirsten got concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Are you nauseous again?"

"No."

"Is it your headache? Is it making it too difficult to eat? Should I get the nurse?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

Ryan poked the eggs again. "Gross."

Kirsten stared at him for a second. She had to admit his breakfast did look less than appetizing, but she was still surprised that he would actually complain about it.

"How about an orange then?" Kirsten picked one up and quickly began to peel it, failing to notice as Ryan once again stiffened. As she placed the peeled sections on his tray, she finally noticed that it was almost as if he was trying to back away from it.

"Eat the orange."

"No."

"Come on, Ryan. You need to eat something. You were in the mood for fruit last night. If you don't want to eat your breakfast, at the very least eat the orange."

"Not hungry."

"Ryan…"

"No!"

Kirsten jumped when Ryan shouted, and then she got mad. "Why? Because Seth brought the fruit? Is that why you won't eat it? Huh?"

"Kirsten…" Sandy started but couldn't continue as Ryan pushed the tray table away with such force that his tray with the Seth bought orange, the gross eggs and everything else hit the floor.

"Ryan!"

But before Kirsten could continue, Sandy gently patted Ryan's leg. "If you'd rather just go to sleep, Ryan, go ahead. We'll wake you when the nurse or the doctor gets here."

It wasn't until Kirsten shot Sandy a look that she finally noticed him glaring at her. Ryan wordlessly slammed his glasses down on his bed and rolled back onto his side.

As Kirsten sat there, she began to fume over Ryan's childish behavior and the fact that Sandy was not only allowing it, but also encouraging it by letting him turn away from them. She waited until she was pretty sure that Ryan was asleep before turning on Sandy.

"You can't pick your family? Why in the world would you say that – to Ryan of all people?"

"I was trying to make a joke. Your conversation was heading in a very intense direction. Too intense for Ryan to handle right now."

"So instead of discussing it and trying to help him through this, you'd rather make jokes and allow him to act like a spoiled eight year old?"

"How is coming down on him about college and oranges helping him through this?"

"He needs to know that we didn't lie to him. That we're here to help him."

"He knows. Deep down, I'm sure he knows. But right now, he's hurt, and he's scared. And yes, he's mad, but I thought we both agreed that he had the right to be mad…"

"But not at us!"

"Of course he's mad at us. Are you going to tell me that you never got mad at your parents for something that wasn't their fault?"

Kirsten opened her mouth to argue back, but quickly closed it. Yes, Ryan was acting like a child, but at least he was acting like their child. He was mad at them for something they had no control over. That was at least some consolation. Wasn't it?

Sandy put his arm around her shoulder as she continued to stare at Ryan. After a few quiet minutes, she finally whispered, "I just don't want to lose him again."

"We won't. As long as we give him the time and space he needs to wrap his head around all of this, we won't. I promise."

"I hope you're right."

Sandy only kissed Kirsten lightly on the forehead as they both quietly watched Ryan sleep.


	11. Medical Words of Wisdom

The nurse shouldn't have been surprised by what she saw when she came back into the room. Mr. Cohen did tell her that their foster son was angry with all of them, that the accident was their biological son's fault and that Ryan thought they were trying to cover for him. Still, it bothered her to see the parents who obviously loved this kid just staring at his back. The Cohens just smiled at her when Julie walked in, but she noticed Ryan stiffen.

"Hi. I hope I'm not bothering you. I have some free time now so I thought maybe I could work with Ryan for a while, before the doctor gets here." She noticed the tray on the floor. "I take it things aren't going very well right now?"

Kirsten moved quickly to clean up the mess that was still on the floor. "I'm sorry. It kind of, um, slipped off the tray table. Ryan wasn't really very hungry. He was tired and wanted to take a nap."

"Mrs. Cohen, please leave it. I'll call someone from housekeeping to clean up. Why don't you and Mr. Cohen go down to the cafeteria? I see you didn't eat your breakfast either."

"But Ryan's sleeping."

Sandy gently pulled Kirsten up and began to lead her towards the door. "I'm sure Julie knows what she's doing. Come on. Let's get some fresh soggy bacon and stale bagels."

"I promise, Mrs. Cohen, if it appears Ryan isn't up to this right now, I'll let him go back to sleep. Go, relax, have something to eat. Give us about thirty or forty minutes. Okay?"

Kirsten just nodded as she and Sandy left. Julie waited until the door closed behind them before turning to Ryan. "Okay, Sleeping Beauty. They're gone. You can cut the act."

She only waited a split second longer before she pulled his covers back. "Come on, Ryan. You may have tricked your folks, but I can spot a fake a mile away. You're no more asleep than I am."

Julie waited until Ryan rolled onto his back and put his sunglasses back on. "So?"

When Ryan just stared at the ceiling and didn't say anything, Julie went on. "Well, was it worth it? Did you over hear any juicy gossip? Catch any talk about what Santa was bringing you?"

"No."

Julie waited again for Ryan to continue, but when he didn't, she did. "Okay. The name of this game is I talk, you either repeat or you answer. The more I talk, the more you talk. The more you talk, the more your speech will improve, unless of course you like sounding like a two year old. Understand?"

"Mmm."

"No, see 'mmm' isn't a real word. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

Julie sighed first then she raised her voice. "Do. You. Understand!"

"I understand."

"Very good. I was beginning to think you were all looks and no brains. Would you like to tell me now why you were pretending to sleep so you could eavesdrop ontheir conversation?"

"Not pretending. Not my fault didn't check."

"Not your fault? Well, okay, at least you answered, albeit a rather stupid answer. So then explain to me why your breakfast is all over the floor."

"Not hungry."

"Excuse me? Did you say 'not hungry'? That's why you threw your food on the floor, because you weren't hungry? Did you consider pushing your tray to the side instead of onto the floor? Apparently it doesn't bother you in the least that now someone has to clean up after you. Oh, that's right – you're from Newport Beach. You must be used to having other people clean up after you."

Ryan stared at this nurse for a second, wanting so much to tell her where to go, but knowing it wouldn't come out right if he tried. He finally just mumbled, "bitch."

"You need to speak louder and annunciate. You want to get better, you need to speak up. Shout 'bitch', and next time try adding 'go to hell'. More words, remember. You need to use more words."

"Why you nasty? Don't like, leave."

"The nurses down in ICU said you seemed like such a nice kid. So far, all I've seen is a rich, spoiled little brat who treats everyone, including his parents, like they owe him something simply because he's in the hospital."

"Not rich. Not spoiled. Not real parents."

"Really? Huh. Do you think they know that? Seriously, I think someone forgot to tell them that little fact."

"Not funny."

Julie actually softened her voice. "I'm not trying to be funny, Ryan. Nothing about this is funny. Look, I know you're angry and upset about the accident, but so are those 'not real' parents of yours. I talked to the nurses in ICU. Do you know that one of them has been with you the entire time? Some nights they both stayed. Last night was the first night that 'not real' mom of yours didn't sleep in a chair next to your bed, and that's only because your 'not real' dad stayed. That 'not real' dad also ran around this hospital demanding the best medical attention we have to offer – just for you. They may not be your biological parents, but don't ever try to tell me they aren't real."

Ryan didn't answer. He just looked down at his bed and then over at the tray on the floor. He started to slowly inch off the bed, moving careful so it didn't hurt much as Julie watched in disbelief. "Um, Ryan. Where do you think you're going?"

"My mess. I clean. Myself."

Julie laid her hand on Ryan's chest and gently pushed him back. "Not this time. This time you have to watch someone else clean up your mess. But if there is a next time, I will personally stand over you while you clean up every last piece. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"What?"

"Yes. I understand."

"Very good. Okay, my hard ass lecturing is done for now. Remember - I speak, you repeat. Let's start with something simple. Try this – Mary had a little lamb."

Ryan stared at the nurse again for a moment. "You kidding?"

"No, I'm not kidding. Come on, Ryan. Nursery rhythms are taught to small children for a reason. They're simple to remember and repeat. Mary had a little lamb."

Ryan sighed first. He was not going to enjoy this at all. "Mary had lamb."

Julie tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it. "It's a nursery rhythm, Ryan. Try not to make it sound so, well, wrong - like Mary went out and massacred some poor defenseless animal. Poor little lamb. Come on, try again, but this time try to sound a little less menacing."

Ryan tried to give her his standard 'look' but Julie didn't seem to care. "Repeat it back to me, Ryan. You may hate nursery rhythms, but I doubt you're ready to repeat Shakespeare or Kafka back to me. Come on, I won't tell anyone. Mary had a little lamb."

"Mary had little lamb."

"Better."

"Stupid."

"Again."

Julie and Ryan continued with the nursery rhythms – doing all of Mary had a Little Lamb, Humpty Dumpty and Jack and Jill Went up a Hill. By the end of the thirty minutes, Ryan was truly exhausted, but his speech had made some real improvement. He had just fallen asleep when Kirsten and Sandy returned.

Julie carefully removed his sunglasses and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. "He did really well. I'm impressed with his tenacity."

Kirsten looked at Julie, trying to figure out how it really went between the two. "He didn't give you any trouble?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle. I think he wants to get better. He worked pretty hard and wore himself out. I reminded him again that he has to keep talking. Try to encourage that. It might not be easy, but try. If he doesn't want to talk, have him repeat sentences – from books, movies, television shows. I'll be in again later, after he sees the doctor. If you need me, just buzz the nurse's station."

After Julie left, Kirsten and Sandy quietly watched Ryan sleep. For a while they talked in low whispers so they didn't wake him until Sandy dozed off in the chair. Kirsten read her book for a while then she thumbed through some magazines, killing time until it was close to lunch. She headed down to the cafeteria so she and Sandy could attempt to eat with Ryan again. She just hoped his food didn't end up on the floor again. She doubted housekeeping would appreciate having to come in again to clean up.

As Kirsten waited for two cheeseburgers and fries, she looked around, hoping to find some decent fruit. Although she didn't find any, she did find some strawberry parfaits. Kirsten stared at them, remembering the first time she saw Ryan eating one. She had promised that she would buy them often since he seemed to really enjoy them.

She smiled as she remembered the baffled look on his face, with that small dab of whipped cream on his lip. "Par-what? Um, it's strawberries and whipped cream."

From that day on, they were 'par-what's' – a private Cohen-only joke that they shared as a family. Kirsten sighed as she paid for the food and headed back to Ryan's room.

She was surprised when she opened the door and found the doctor was already there. For some reason, she felt somewhat guilty that she wasn't there when the doctor first came in, especially when she noticed Ryan wasn't wearing his sunglasses. She knew that had to be bothering his eyes. Ryan was, luckily, cooperating with the doctor, since Kirsten doubted she'd be able to talk him into being cooperative this time. Since she didn't know what else to do, she just stood there, watching the doctor and holding onto the lunch bags.

After the doctor was done, he finally nodded an acknowledgement towards Kirsten before turning back to Ryan. "You're doing really well, Ryan. How's the pain?"

"'kay."

"Still the same or has it lessened at all?"

"Less. A little."

"That's good. I'd like to change your pain medication to something a little less strong. I'd also like to see you up on your feet sometime today. Maybe take a little walk."

Ryan looked down at his casted foot. "How?"

"It's a walking cast. You won't be able to run a marathon with it, but with the help of a walker and some support, you'll be able to move about a little bit. Short distances. When you're ready, the nurse will bring you the walker. She'll walk behind you. Since you were injured on the left side, I'd like to see your dad support you on that side with your mom on your right."

At the 'dad' and 'mom' comment, Ryan looked up first at Sandy and then at Kirsten. He then looked down at his bed before only slightly nodding his head.

The doctor moved onto the next subject. "The nurse tells me you remembered the accident. Did it come back to you on your own?"

Ryan immediately tensed and turned his head away. "Yeah."

Kirsten hated the tone in his voice, but refrained from moving closer to the bed. The doctor either didn't notice or care. "Excellent! It's a really good sign that you're able to remember something so traumatic on your own, with no prompting from anyone."

At first she could only stare at the doctor, wanting to shout at him for being such an idiot – reminding Ryan that they weren't the ones to explain the accident to him. Just what they needed! Kirsten watched as Ryan continued to stare down at the floor, and slowly begin to twist the blanket in his hand; the only sign that he, too, was not exactly happy at the reminder.

Sandy only gave an "ah…" as the doctor continued. "When your parents approached us about talking to you about the accident, I told them you probably wouldn't remember for a few days."

Ryan's head finally shot up as he again looked at Sandy first and then to Kirsten. When Kirsten offered him a weak smile, Ryan looked at the doctor and let go of his blanket. "Um, huh?"

"Yesterday before we saw you, your mother asked how they should address the accident. I told her that eventually you would remember the accident, but probably not for at least a day or two. But the nurse tells me you remembered on your own, last night before they got the chance to talk to you about it. That's a very good indication that you're well on the road to recovery."

Kirsten refrained from throwing her arms around the doctor she no longer considered an idiot. She only gave him a smile. A small smile since she didn't want Ryan to think she was going to start gushing, "I told you so."

As the doctor began making notes in Ryan's chart, Kirsten and Sandy looked at Ryan, who was doing everything he could not to look at either of them. The awkward moment was interrupted by the orderly delivering Ryan's lunch. Unfortunately, lunch turned out to be a very dry looking turkey sandwich, which Ryan promptly poked with his finger.

The doctor looked up from writing to notice that Ryan hadn't begun eating yet. "How's the food?"

"Gross."

"I mean, are you able to tolerate it? No more vomiting or nausea?"

"No."

"Good, then I'll note the chart to change to an unrestricted diet. They'll start bringing you a menu so you can start choosing your own meals, instead of having them picked for you."

"Kay. Thanks."

When Kirsten put the bag down on the chair, Ryan looked over at it. Since he barely ate the day before and his breakfast happened to end up on the floor, Ryan was hungry and the smell of the burgers only made that worse. He just didn't have the desire, however, to eat a plain, dry turkey sandwich.

The doctor again noticed that Ryan still hadn't begun to eat. "I would imagine that burger smells really good at this point."

"Yeah."

Sandy grabbed the bag and pulled the Styrofoam container out. "You want mine?" Before he placed it on the tray table, though, he turned to the doctor. "Can he have mine?"

"Sure, go ahead and try. Just eat slow and take small bites."

Sandy opened the container and turned it towards Ryan, bumping the plate of stale turkey to off to the side. Ryan just shook his head. "S'kay. Yours. You eat it."

"Nah. You know as well as I do, Kirsten had that burger overcooked. I mean, who could eat a burger that has no red in it? Well, besides you and Kirsten that is. I will split the fries with you."

Before Ryan could say another word, Sandy grabbed the turkey sandwich and the packet of mayonnaise. "Besides, schmearing isn't just for bagels. With the right amount of mayo, any sandwich tastes good."

The doctor chuckled as he left the three of them to enjoy their lunch, promising to hold off on any additional testing until after they saw how well Ryan was able to move about and leaving an awkward silence in the room.

Ryan continued to stare at Sandy's burger, waiting for one of them to say something. He knew he owed them an apology, but didn't know what to say without bringing up the accident and Seth - Seth causing the accident. Ryan really wasn't up for dealing with his feelings about that. Not now. It was something he wanted to figure out on his own, without the traditional Cohen super long, deep thought, feelings full conversation. So Ryan just stared at the cheeseburger until it moved. He looked up to see Sandy pushing the Styrofoam container closer.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then eat."

"Slow. Small bites." Kirsten added as she handed him back his sunglasses.

Ryan actually gave them a smile. A small one, but still – a smile. "I know."

"Here." Kirsten reached into the other bag and pulled out the parfait. "Manage the burger, and I've got desert."

Ryan stared at the container, unsure what to say other than, "Um, thanks," as Sandy quickly added, "Hey! A par-what! Forget splitting the fries; I'll split that with you."

"No. That's Ryan's. You can go down and get your own."

"Well, that's not fair. Come on, Ryan…"

"Don't 'Ryan' him. Leave him alone and leave his par-what alone."

Even though they were obviously joking with each other, Ryan still couldn't help but feel guilty. Really guilty. "No. S'kay. We share."

"Ha! See – we're sharing. Ryan said so himself."

"Just eat what you can. If there's any left over, you can give it to Sandy. But if you want to finish it – Sandy can go get his own. Okay?"

As he ran his finger up and down the side of the parfait, Ryan could only give a slight nod, unsure what to say next, waiting for the joking to stop and the "I told you so's" to begin.

"Ryan," Kirsten said softly. He looked up, expecting it and was surprised when all Kirsten said was, "you need to eat now. Before the burger gets any colder."

Ryan ate quietly while Kirsten and Sandy continued making small talk. He ate his burger, split the fries with Sandy, and ate about half of the par-what before pushing it towards Sandy while swearing to Kirsten that he really was full.

Shortly after lunch, Ryan fell asleep still waiting for the talk that never came.

A few hours later, Ryan woke up to noise – voices. He opened his eyes to find the nurse, Julie, standing next to a walker, talking quietly with Kirsten and Sandy. He immediately began to panic as he looked from Kirsten to Sandy to the nurse and back to Kirsten again, worried that Julie was telling them about their earlier conversation. Or worse – that she was telling them that he really wasn't asleep and listened in on their conversation. Things were bad enough – that would make the impending talk so much worse.

He decided to remain quiet so he could try to listen to what they were all saying, without getting caught. It was Julie who noticed him eavesdropping again. "Well, hello again, Sleeping Beauty! Nice to see you awake."

Ryan eyed Julie wearily, before looking over at Kirsten and Sandy to see if they knew what the Sleeping Beauty crack really meant. When Kirsten stepped closer to the bed, Ryan instinctively tensed up, but quickly relaxed when Kirsten just handed him his sunglasses and patted him on the shoulder. "Do you think you're up for taking a short walk?"

When Ryan only nodded, Julie couldn't resist. "Excuse me? I'm sorry, but I didn't hear that."

She couldn't help but smile when Ryan looked at her sideways and sighed loudly. "Yes. I ready to take walk."

"Very good. See, Ryan, words aren't such a bad thing! So anyway, as I was explaining to your folks, we're going to move slowly. First we'll swing your legs over the side and have you sit up for a few minutes. If you're okay with that then we'll try standing. Accomplish standing, and we'll see how well you can walk. Understand?"

"Yeah. Understand." Sounded easy enough, Ryan thought.

Never in his life had Ryan ever found sitting up to be so difficult. As he sat there with his head down and his eyes closed, he at least knew where each Cohen stood. The gentle hand slowly rubbing his back told him Kirsten was on his right, and the firm hand on his shoulder meant Sandy was on the left. What he didn't know was when the dizziness was going to pass. He hoped it was before he either passed out or threw up.

He could tell Julie was standing in front of him when she started talking. "Just keep breathing slowly. In and out. It should pass."

"When?"

To add to Kirsten's back rub and Sandy's shoulder squeeze, Julie began to pat his leg. "Soon. Just keep breathing slowly. If you still feel dizzy in a few minutes, we'll help you lay back down, and we can try again later."

"Kay."

After what seemed like an eternity of Ryan breathing, Kirsten rubbing, Sandy squeezing and Julie patting, Ryan was finally able to take a deep breathe and pick up his head. Another deep breathe and Ryan was able to open his eyes.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

"Want to try standing?"

"Think so."

Kirsten stopped rubbing his back, and grabbed Ryan's arm. "Wait. It'll be easier to put your robe on now before you stand."

Ryan looked from the robe that Kirsten had quickly slipped on his right arm to Kirsten back to the robe again as she pulled it over his left shoulder. He hated that robe, and even though he never told her, he was sure she knew it. He must have been making a face because he felt her pat him on the shoulder.

When he looked up at her again, she smiled. "I don't want to see you catch a cold."

"Yeah. Cause that be real bad!"

Her smile was even bigger at Ryan's devilish smirk. "Well, humor me anyway."

Julie pushed the walker directly in front of Ryan. "Okay, Ryan, I need you to listen carefully. I want you to grab hold of the walker with your right hand. We will help you up. Don't try to do anything with your left arm. Let yourfather help you on your left side. If you feel dizzy, say something. But don't worry about falling because we'll have you. Understand?"

Ryan looked to his left at Sandy who only nodded and smiled, and then he looked to his right. Kirsten also smiled as she held onto his arm. Finally he looked back at Julie. "Understand."

If Ryan had to explain what it was like standing up for the first time since the accident, he probably would have to laugh. It wasn't as if he did much by himself. As soon as he grabbed hold of the walker, Sandy pretty much picked him up and then held tight to keep Ryan from falling. Added to that was the fact that Kirsten had her arm around his waist so tight, it was almost painful. So technically, Ryan had his one casted foot and one non-casted foot on the ground, but he couldn't exactly say he was standing on his own two feet.

After a few minutes of being held tightly in place by both Cohens, Julie finally instructed them to let go of Ryan, but to stay close. As Ryan began to hobble towards the door, they definitely stayed close - hovered would be more precise, but at least Ryan was technically kind of walking on his own, with the help of the walker.

They got as far as the nurse's station outside Ryan's room and back, stopping in front of the bathroom. Ryan panicked for a second, worried that either Sandy or Kirsten or both would offer to accompany him into the bathroom. It was bad enough that Julie was obviously planning on being in there with him, but having the two of them in there as well wasn't too appealing in Ryan's mind.

Ryan was relieved when only he and Julie entered the bathroom, but when he noticed she really was going to stand there the whole time, he quickly began to rationalize. At least Julie was used to dealing with this kind of _stuff._ And once he got home, he'd never see her again. And she had already seen more of him than he cared to think about.

It was definitely an experience having her in there with him, but Ryan somehow managed to swallow what little dignity he felt he had left, do what he had to do and hobbled out of the bathroom. He made his way back to his bed as quickly as possible, as everyone continued to hover around.

Julie didn't pull the walker away until she was sure Ryan was sitting completely back on the bed. Ryan found sitting to be the easiest part of the whole experience, especially with Kirsten sitting down next to him and Sandy remaining on his left.

As Julie picked up Ryan's chart to make her notes, she smiled at them all together. "Not bad. It's a whole lot easier with your folks there. Huh, Ryan?"

Ryan could only look down at his feet and nod. "Yeah." It was almost a whisper, but Julie noted, he at least acknowledged that much.

As Kirsten began helping Ryan out of his dreaded robe, he looked at her sideways then back at his feet. Finally he looked up at her and simply said, "Sorry."

Kirsten folded the robe and placed it at the foot of Ryan's bed. "Me, too."

Ryan again could only nod and look back at his feet. "It's just…" But then he couldn't figure out what to say. It's just what? He didn't trust them to tell him the truth? He didn't trust that they wouldn't lie and cover for Seth's mistakes? It's just what? He wasn't exactly sure so he just stared at his feet, not finishing his thought.

He felt Kirsten's hand on his arm again. "I know." That was all she said. Ryan again looked up at her, and realized, for right now, it was all she had to say. Kirsten smiled and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Tired?"

Julie opened her mouth when Ryan only nodded, but he looked at her. "Yes. Tired."

Ryan managed to lie back in the bed, almost by himself and relaxed as Sandy took his sunglasses and Kirsten fixed his blankets. He tried listening in on the conversation. It wasn't eavesdropping this time, as they all did try to include him. But with the walking and the pain medication Ryan didn't see Julie injected into his IV and the not getting a whole lot of sleep the night before, Ryan was finding it harder and harder to stay awake.

He knew the talk was still to come, but Ryan hoped that what he heard Sandy tell Kirsten was true. They really would give him the time he needed to figure out how he felt about Seth and about the fact Seth just let him go.

As he finally drifted off to sleep he was sure he heard Julie say something about a good kid and everything working out. And he knew he heard Sandy and Kirsten thanking her for everything.

But he never heard Seth sneaking into the room. By the time Seth came in, Ryan was completely out.


	12. The Return of Seth

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This Nurse Amanda is a real person!

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Ryan shifted in his bed. He was still half asleep, but was quickly becoming aware of the fact that something was making him feel uncomfortable. He wasn't in any real physical pain, just suddenly very ill at ease. Ryan slowly opened his eyes and looked around the darkened room, finally settling on a lone figure sitting in the chair with his eyes closed and listening to an Ipod. Ryan took note of the fact that neither Kirsten nor Sandy was anywhere to be found, only Seth. So much for giving him time to wrap his head around everything, Ryan thought as he reached over for his sunglasses.

He waited for a few minutes, waited for Seth to say or do something. It wasn't that Ryan was looking forward to that, but it was Seth – inevitably he was going to say or do something.

Ryan wasn't sure why he picked up the orange from the nightstand, but as he continued to lie there, watching Seth bop his head and tap his foot to some offbeat song, seemingly without a care in the world, he suddenly got really mad.

Seth jumped when the orange hit him squarely in the chest with a loud 'thump'. "Ouch! Oh, um…hi… morning… or really afternoon. Or I guess you could say early evening."

When he was greeted with only silence and a glare, Seth continued. "You look, um, better. Heard you went for a walk today. That's great. Also heard they may actually spring you from this place in a few days. That's cool."

Continued silence and more glaring made Seth even more nervous. "Um, so… Ah, oh, Dad went to get something special for dinner. He said the doctor said you could eat anything so he ordered from the Baja Fish Taco. He just left to pick it up. Mexican and seafood – a truly unbeatable Chrismukkah combination!"

For that, Ryan let out a loud sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

"Okay. So, yeah. Mom ran down to the car, to get the stuff for tonight. She said she'd be right back. She also said not to wake you. I hope I didn't do that. Did I?"

Ryan didn't bother to respond nor in any way acknowledge Seth. "Okay, so I'll take that to mean no. I hope. But if I did, do me a favor and tell her you woke up on your own."

That finally seemed to get Ryan's attention as he turned towards Seth, bewildered but most definitely not amused. "Do You Favor!" They seemed to be the only words Ryan understood from Seth's non-stop nervous drivel.

The tone of Ryan's voice made Seth stop in his tracks and realize what he had just said. "Um…yeah. No. Don't do me a favor. I didn't mean that. Tell Mom I intentionally woke you up. Hell, tell her I jumped up and down on your bed singing Frosty the Snowman. But definitely don't do me any favors."

When Ryan fell silent again, Seth looked around the private room. "I just hope they can move another bed in here because seriously, if you tell her I did any of that, I'm going to need a hospital bed of my own."

It was meant to be a joke, but one that Ryan wasn't in the mood to appreciate. "What you want, Seth?"

"Nothing. I just came to visit. See how you were doing. See if I can do anything for you."

"You did 'nough."

Seth finally got quiet as he looked down at his feet and kicked at something invisible. He finally looked up and tried to look Ryan in the eyes, but they both turned away.

"Actually, I didn't do nearly enough. Well, really, I did nothing. I let you do it all, and I've been trying to come up with a way to make it up to you. To prove to you how sorry I am."

Ryan thought about it for a minute. "Told you before – sometimes grand gestures can't fix."

Seth at first could only nod his head in agreement. "I know. Learn from my mistakes. That's pretty much what Dad said. But, well, this time, you're the one who has to live with my mistake."

Ryan shifted in the bed then grimaced as he once again glared at Seth. "Tell me about it."

"If it helps at all, we're pretty much in the same boat."

"What boat?"

"When you get home. As long as you're housebound, so am I. I can't go anywhere until you can. So you know – same housebound boat."

"Really?" Ryan's tone was cold and sarcastic. "Your leg broke?"

"Um, no…"

"Your shoulder dislocated?"

"Ryan…"

"Your head split open? Your spleen gone?"

"It's just… I meant…"

But Seth couldn't continue; Ryan was on a roll.

"You have no trouble talking. You can walk on own. You go to bathroom with no one there…"

Seth put his hands up, wanting desperately for Ryan to stop. "I know! Believe me, I know! And I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I wish there was a way to make it up to you. But I know I can't, and I know you probably don't want to be friends anymore. And I don't blame you. But I just wish…"

He hesitated for a second before starting to shout. "I just wish to hell it was me with the broken leg and the dislocated shoulder and the busted head. I wish I was the one who couldn't talk, couldn't walk and needed a nurse to go pee. But I'm not. Okay. I know I'm not, and I never will be because I know you would never let me fall. You would have never walked away."

Seth looked down at his feet again as he jammed his hands into his pockets. He stopped shouting long enough to tell Ryan, "And I know you have to live with what I did. But so do I, Ryan. And as much as it sucks for you to live with the consequences of my mistake, it sucks for me, too. It kills me knowing that there is nothing I can do about it, except tell you that I'm sorry for everything."

With that, neither boy had anything else to say. They both stared at the door, wondering what was taking Kirsten so long bringing the stuff up from the car. After a few very awful quiet moments, Seth finally sighed and sat back down in the chair. He looked at his feet then at his fingernails. He looked at the window and settled on trying to look out the tightly closed blinds. He wanted to look anywhere and not at Ryan.

Ryan, in the meantime, just stared at the ceiling. When Seth finally got up the nerve to glance at Ryan, he noticed that he was rubbing his eyes underneath the sunglasses.

"Headache?"

"Always."

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up."

"Sorry."

"Seth…"

Seth sighed. He almost said "sorry" again, but managed to stop himself. After a few more unbearable silent minutes, he finally said, "I'm just trying to figure out what to do to help you."

"Leave."

"What? I…what?"

"Just leave."

"I can't. I have to stay."

"No. You don't. I just…" Ryan waved his hand over towards Seth. "Don't want this. Not now. Not here. _Please_ leave."

"Ryan, I can't leave."

"Why not?"

When Seth said, "Because Mom said…" Ryan groaned. He knew that anything Seth had to say that started with "Mom said," probably wasn't going to be good.

Never the less, Seth continued. "Mom said we're a family, and it's the holidays. And families celebrate the holidays. So I have to be here with you and with them, celebrating the holidays."

When Ryan didn't answer and just resumed rubbing his eyes, Seth added, "I think for the sake of my parents, we can at least try to make it through the holidays. This has been really hard on them, too. I promise I'll try to stay out of your way as much as possible, but when they want the family holiday time, can you at least try to pretend to tolerate me?"

Ryan only mumbled a "fine," as he rolled onto his side and away from Seth.

Fifteen very silent minutes later, Kirsten opened the door to find Seth quietly staring at Ryan's back. She figured it meant Ryan was still asleep so she tried to tiptoe into the room, but couldn't get all the way in as the two large bags got caught in the door.

"Seth," she whispered. "A little help here."

She was surprised to see Ryan roll back over and look at her. It was then she finally noticed how angry he looked and how sad Seth looked, and she quickly regretted running down to the car when she did. She suddenly wished she waited for Sandy to get back before leaving, and she really wished she hadn't stop to talk to Neil Roberts about Ryan's scars. She figured it would be best not to address what may or may not have taken place in her absence. "Seth, put the presents and other stuff over there. Thanks."

Kirsten slowly approached the bed. "Did you get enough sleep, Ryan? We can always put off celebrating for a little while longer if you'd like to get more sleep."

"No. I'm fine."

"Oh. Okay. If you're sure." Kirsten wrung her hands together as she looked from Ryan to Seth, back to Ryan and then at Seth again. She hated how upset they both looked, and she hated the fact that the room was filled with so much tension. She also hated the fact she had no idea what would be a safe conversation to have with the two of them. She didn't want to ask Ryan about how he felt again. But she didn't want to ask Seth about school or home or any of the other things that Ryan was missing out on because he was in the hospital.

Seth decided to busy himself with taking the presents out of the bags and stacking them neatly on one of the chairs. He refrained from making any jokes about the wealth of their stash as he remembered his promise to Ryan. He was there because his mother told him he had to be there, but he wasn't going to remind Ryan of that. He was going to try to stay as quiet as possible, and do his best to keep out of Ryan's way, even in such a small hospital room.

Ryan was content to once again stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before struggling to pull himself up. He was trying to be quiet and see if he could manage to sit up and call the nurse by himself, but Kirsten was at his bedside before he had barely moved.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I need to…" Ryan pointed towards the bathroom. "I need nurse."

Kirsten leaned over and hit the call button and then put her hand on Ryan's back as she helped him sit up. Ryan closed his eyes until the dizziness again disappeared. At least this time it didn't last long as he sat there waiting for Julie to come in and help him.

The voice that came over the speaker, however, did not sound like Julie. This voice had an English accent, an annoyed English accent. "Yes. Can I help you?"

Ryan opened his mouth to answer, but Kirsten beat him to it. "Yes. My, um… Ryan needs to… Can we get some assistance in here?"

He looked at Kirsten when the only response they heard was a click of the speaker being shut off. "Not Julie?"

"No. Her shift ended while you were sleeping. She said to tell you she'd see you tomorrow. I don't know what this nurse's name is. But I'm sure she's nice."

It hadn't dawned on Ryan that it wouldn't be Julie who again helped him the bathroom, and he'd have to get used to another stranger in there with him. "Sounds mad."

"Why would she be mad? I'm sure she's very nice."

Kirsten hadn't even finished the word nice when the door flung open and in walked this new nurse. Even through his sunglasses and in a darkened room, Ryan could see this one was most definitely different from, well, anyone he had met in the hospital. For one thing, her hair was more than one color. It actually looked like three colors, with these very strange looking blond pieces hanging down on the bottom – fake blond pieces. Ryan almost asked her if she knew it was Christmas and not Halloween, but decided since she would be accompanying him into the bathroom, well, sarcasm probably wouldn't be a good idea at that particular moment.

Despite the British accent, it was still obvious to Ryan that this woman was mad about something. She stood in the center of his room, hands on her hips. "Is there something I can help you with?" It was supposed to be a question, but it sounded more like a demand. Ryan opened his mouth to say "Never mind," but Kirsten instinctively stepped in front of him. "Ryan needs the walker and help in the bathroom."

This yet named, most definitely not nice nurse stared at Kirsten for a second, before looking at Ryan and then glaring at Seth. As she turned to leave, they all heard her mumbling, "…couldn't just tell me that over the intercom. Make me come in here, just to tell me he needs the walker…come in, leave, get the walker, come back… couldn't just tell me that…"

Seth momentarily forgot his promise to lay low and stay out of the way. "Whoa! Dude! What was that!"

But even behind the sunglasses, Ryan's glare quickly reminded Seth to just shut up and try to become invisible. Yip, Ryan was here in the hospital, peeing with Nasty Nurse because of him. Nope, Ryan didn't need any reminders of that fact. That one glare told Seth all he needed to remember.

It didn't help matters when Kirsten looked at Ryan. "I could help you instead, if you'd like." Seth groaned as Ryan just stared at her. It wasn't exactly a glare, but it still told them both what Ryan was thinking so they quietly waited for Nasty Nurse to return.

Seth did take a step closer to the bed when Nurse Nasty came back, pushing the walker like a steamroller towards Ryan. He wanted to help but noticed that Ryan was now intentionally ignoring him, concentrating instead on getting himself out of the bed. Seth had to look away when he noticed that even with his mother and the nurse helping, it still took a lot for Ryan just to stand up. His guilt level went even higher as he watched Ryan try to hobble towards the bathroom, leaning heavily on the walker with his good arm. He cringed when the nurse stopped his mom from helping and again as she stood there, wringing her hands as Ryan and the nurse disappeared into the bathroom.

He finally opened his mouth to say something when Nasty Nurse slammed the bathroom door shut for no apparent reason other than the fact she wasn't very nice. "Um, Mom, are all the nurses as lovely as that one?"

"No, that one is definitely different."

"Do you think maybe I should, um, go in and offer to help, you know, protect Ryan maybe."

"Why would you need to protect Ryan in the bathroom?"

"I don't know, she just strikes me as the type that might just damage Ryan's poor danglies."

"His what?"

"You know, danglies, on account of her being British."

"Seth, I have no idea what you're talking about. What exactly are danglies, and why should I be worried about Ryan's?"

"Danglies are, um... how do I put it in Mom-speak? Ok, if she damages the danglies, she'll be hurting Ryan's ability to make you a Grandmother some day."

"Seth!" It was obvious that Kirsten wasn't amused, nor did she find Seth's assessment particularly cute, especially given the fact that Kirsten, too, was a little worried about that nurse, alone with Ryan in the bathroom and him unable to move very fast. She briefly debated knocking on the door, but quickly decided that wouldn't be a very good idea.

First Seth just sighed but then he whined. "I'm sorry. It's just... I mean with nurses like that, no wonder he hates me."

"Seth, I already told you – that nurse isn't like any of the others." Kirsten paused for a second as she took in what Seth said. "Wait. When did Ryan say he hated you? Before, when you two were alone? He really said he hated you?"

After a shrug of his shoulders and a quick glance at the bathroom door, Seth looked down at the ground, again kicking at something invisible. "Not in so many words, but he didn't exactly say I was still his best friend."

Kirsten couldn't help but give Seth's arm a gentle rub. He sounded so sad, and she didn't know what she could possibly do to help him or Ryan. "What happened between you two before I got here?"

Since neither of them was exactly sure how long Ryan would be in the bathroom, Seth gave her the abbreviated version, than added, "it would probably be for the best if I just leave. You guys have Hanukkah with Ryan, and I'll see you at home later."

Kirsten stopped him as Seth headed for the door. "You're not leaving!"

When Seth opened his mouth to argue with her, Kirsten held up her hand. "No. I said you weren't leaving. You knew he was going to be mad. You need to stay here and face that."

"But I don't want to make it even worse."

"Then don't leave. Leaving will just show Ryan that you don't care enough to try to work it out. That you still think running away is the answer, and that you haven't learned anything from this whole nightmare."

When Seth didn't answer and only gazed at the closed bathroom door, Kirsten continued. "But stay, and you show him that you care – about him and about his place in this family. Show him that even though he's upset about the accident, you refuse to leave, and that you have learned from your mistake."

Again, Seth didn't immediately answer. He knew Ryan didn't want him there, but he didn't know how he was going to get his mother to understand that.

Before he could put into words exactly the way he needed to, Kirsten looked at him with that all knowing Mom look. "Honestly, I don't think Ryan's too sure how he feels right now. I'm sure he's very mad at you. I'm sure he's still very hurt, and I don't mean just physically. You have to remember; Ryan doesn't exactly understand the dynamics of a real family. We need to be here for him, all three of us. We have to show him that no matter what, we are a family and family sticks together. Okay?"

When Seth could only nod slightly and offer a very little smile, Kirsten punched his arm lightly. "Well, at least if he decides to deck you with more produce, your dad and I will be here to stop him."

The eye roll told Kirsten that Seth didn't find her joke all that funny. It also told her that even though the boys weren't getting along now, with all the time they had spent together, Seth had picked up some of Ryan's patent facial expressions. "It'll work out, Seth. I promise you, somehow it will all work out."

Seth could only whisper, "I hope so" as the bathroom door opened, and Ryan came hobbling out with Nasty Nurse following behind. Ryan glared at Seth when he saw him standing too close to the bathroom, making Seth slink back into the corner.

When Kirsten noticed Ryan stumbling alone and the nurse just standing there, it was her turn to glare as she moved next to Ryan to help him back to bed. The nurse just sighed as she headed for the door. "Leave the walker for the next time he needs to go. Ryan knows what to do."

"Shouldn't we call you to help?"

The nurse gave Kirsten the most unpleasant look as she repeated slowly, "Ryan knows what to do. I'll be back later to draw his blood."

"With your fangs?" Seth thought he mumbled soft enough, but realized that he must have spoken just loud enough to be heard as both Ryan and the nurse were glaring at him, and his mother was trying very hard to contain her laugh.

After one more nasty glare, the nurse headed once again for the door. "If you need anything, the name's Amanda."

Seth thought it would be for the best, for Ryan's sake, if he quickly apologized for the fangs comment so as the nurse opened the door, he tried to make amends. "Um, Nurse Mandy…"

He jumped when she whipped around and literally barked, "AMANDA!"

"Oh, um, okay. Never mind."

One final evil look and Nurse Amanda walked out. Kirsten continued helping Ryan get back into bed, fixing his covers and talking to them both, very loudly. "That's it! As soon as your father gets here, he's getting rid of that nurse. I don't know what her problem is, and frankly I don't care. That was just… She was just…"

"She fine."

Kirsten took a deep breath and then looked directly at Ryan. "She didn't do anything to you in the bathroom, did she?"

Ryan stared at her for a second, clearly confused and slightly taken back. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"What goes on in there?"

"Um, 'scuse me?"

"What does she do to help you?"

Again Ryan just looked at Kirsten before trying to answer her rather strange and pretty personal question. "She, ah, stands there. Makes sure I don't fall so I can, um… do what need to do. She fine. Don't want any trouble."

"Fine. I won't cause any trouble, but I won't allow her to be alone with you. One of us will just stay to make sure she doesn't use her fangs when she draws blood, and one of us will accompany you into the bathroom to make sure you don't fall."

The look Ryan gave Kirsten said it all. It was a combination of 'are you out of your mind?' and 'that's not happening.' He started to shake his head but refrained from saying anything. That is, until Seth said something first.

"I've got to agree with Mom on this one. Anything would be better than Meanie Mandy."

"Amanda!" Ryan hissed.

Seth could only mutter "sorry" as he turned away and stared out the window.

Kirsten again looked from Ryan to Seth and back to Ryan. She didn't know what to say, or who to say it to. She knew Ryan could care less what the nurse's name was or what Seth called her and only snapped simply because Seth spoke. She also knew she couldn't exactly lecture Ryan for it though. He was mad and hurt. She had to remember that, and that she and Sandy agreed he had the right to be.

But she also couldn't tell Seth that it was okay, or thank him for offering his support. Nor could she lecture him for saying something.

So Kirsten just stood there as Seth stared out the window, Ryan stared up at the ceiling and neither said another word.

It will work out. Kirsten was still holding out hope that it was all going to work out. Somehow. But as Seth sighed, causing Ryan to glare, Kirsten had some serious doubts.


	13. Now What?

_Again, with the sorry for taking so long -- me and the hospital again. So, again - if something in the hospital seems off or not all that true - trust me - it's one of those been there, just done it - made it happen to Ryan._

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Kirsten hadn't realized the light had turned green until the car behind her beeped for her to move. She was too busy replaying the events from the previous day in her head. She found herself sighing loudly as she continued on towards the hospital, dreading the prospect of another hellish Hanukkah celebration. The highlight of Thursday night's celebration came early in the evening, when Sandy finally got fed up with Meanie Mandy's attempts to draw Ryan's blood. After her fourth unsuccessful stab, a loud annoyed grunt from Kirsten and a muffled moan from Ryan, Sandy got angry and threw her out. From there, it had actually gone further downhill.

Ryan was, as expected, very quiet during the so-called festivities, with his mumbled attempts at the prayers, his quiet thank yous at the presents and his "I'm too tired" excuse for a game of dreidel.

And yet, somehow Seth was even worse. He was even quieter than Ryan. Kirsten didn't think that could ever be possible, but he was. He nodded at his gifts, didn't bother to say the prayers and took off just as soon as Ryan said he was too tired to continue their forced celebration.

Yet despite it all, Seth didn't argue with Kirsten when she dropped him off at school and reminded him to be at the hospital that afternoon. Seth told her he knew; he understood and he would be there, no matter what.

Well, at least it was one down, Kirsten thought as she pulled into the hospital parking lot. At least one claimed he understood. Unfortunately, it seemed to be the easier of the two. But Kirsten figured Sandy had to have had a talk with Ryan after she left.

Ryan did let her kiss him goodnight, but as she turned to leave, Ryan asked Sandy to also go home. Ryan insisted he would be fine alone and kept insisting Sandy go, too. The more Sandy said he was staying, the more Ryan insisted on him leaving. Through gritted teeth and with a voice that garnered no room for arguing, Sandy finally told Ryan that he was staying for the night, and that was the end of the argument. Kirsten left an angry Ryan and a frustrated Sandy. She knew that combination had to mean a talk, and hopefully a good, long one. Being mad at Seth was one thing, but trying to push the entire family away wasn't going to happen. Kirsten just knew Sandy finally had enough and told Ryan so.

Sandy was standing outside of Ryan's room when Kirsten arrived. He smiled as soon as he saw her, and before she could ask, he simply said, "Julie."

"Oh. Okay. Good. I'm glad." Kirsten hesitated for a moment, waiting for Sandy to say something, but he didn't. "So how was your night? Did you talk?"

"A little, but not about Seth or anything about the accident. Just about general stuff until he fell asleep."

Kirsten couldn't help but again sigh loudly. That wasn't what she had hoped for. "Do you still want to give him time? He's trying to push us all away now."

"Why? Because he wanted to be alone last night? He's Ryan. That's what he does. That doesn't mean he's pushing us away. He's just trying to wrap his head around it all, and he likes to be alone. It'll be easier for him once he's home, which, according to Dr. Richards this morning will be Sunday."

"So soon?"

"Apparently so. Dr. Richards said as long as Ryan isn't running a fever or showing any other signs of infection, can walk with some aid, can eat and use the bathroom, there is no reason he can't be discharged. He does recommend a home health aide as a precaution, but said someone at the hospital would arrange that for us."

Kirsten smiled. It would be nice to have Ryan home and have both boys under the same roof to work out their differences, especially with it being the holidays. Then she thought about it just a little more. Yes, it would be better once he's home, but Kirsten quickly realized some problems. "Okay, so how to get him home and what to do with him once he's there?"

When Sandy only looked at her confused, Kirsten continued. "Think about it. He has a broken leg, a dislocated shoulder and a stubborn streak a mile long. How are the two of us going to get him home safely? Getting him in and out of the car alone would be a nightmare."

"So, we hire a private ambulance to take him home." Sandy only shrugged. If that was all that was bothering Kirsten, it was easy enough to fix.

"Tell Ryan that."

"Well, it's either that or he stays here. I think given the choice, he won't argue with us on the ambulance."

"Fine by me, but what do we do with him once the ambulance brings him home?"

"Do with him?"

"He can't sleep in the pool house. Too far for him to get to the house, plus he'd have to go up and down the stairs every time he needed to use the bathroom."

Sandy thought about that for a moment. Kirsten was right – the pool house would be a problem. "Guest room."

"Stairs. Once the attendants get him up there, how do we get him down?"

"Our room. Only three stairs to get him in and no stairs to the bathroom."

Kirsten snickered just thinking about Ryan's reaction. "Oh, he'll just love that idea."

"How about getting a hospital bed and putting it off the den."

"In the bar?"

"Sure, why not? No windows to bother his eyes, close to the hallway bathroom, the kitchen, the den, the living room, our room – any where we need or want him to be. Plus we'll always be close at hand if he needs us."

It was Kirsten's turn to think. It actually wasn't a bad idea. Ryan would hate it, she didn't doubt that for a minute, but given the other options, it was probably the best choice. "Are we going to tell him, or are we going to spring it on him once he's home?"

"I think we should just let it play out. I'm sure it'll come up in the discussion."

"Yes, because Ryan is such a talkative kid."

"Maybe not talkative, but definitely anxious to get out of here. When the doctor told us Ryan could be discharged Sunday, Ryan's first question was why Sunday? If he could, I think he'd leave tomorrow, or even today.

"Even though it means going home to where Seth is?"

"Yes, even though it means being in the same house as Seth." Sandy hesitated. "Although there is something I'd like to discuss with you about Seth."

"No. Seth is coming here tonight for Hanukkah. He knows that already."

"Sure. He'll come tonight, and he'll come tomorrow night. And we'll celebrate. But I was thinking that when Ryan comes home on Sunday, Seth goes over to the Haunted Mansion."

"You want to throw Seth out of his own house? How do you think that's going to make him feel?"

"Kirsten, it was his idea. He called me after you dropped him off. He said he understood why you want us all together for the holidays, and he promised to be here. But, and these are his own words, when Ryan returns to the scene of the crime, it might be better if the culprit wasn't there. I think he may have something there."

"I just don't think it's a good idea. Ryan needs to know that we're there for him – all of us. Letting Seth leave is…"

"Probably just what Ryan needs – for a few days anyway. We're not sending Seth to Japan or even the next town. He'll still be over for dinner, and gradually he'll increase the time he's there."

Sandy smiled at Kirsten as he again tried to get her to understand. "You can't force them to be friends right away. Ryan will still need time, and we need to give him that time. If you force it, it will backfire. If we continue to go slow and give Ryan the time he needs to come to terms with it on his own, I think things will work themselves out."

Still, Kirsten wasn't convinced, nor did she agree. "And if they don't?"

"They will. We have good kids. Seth knows he messed up, and he'll do anything to make it right with Ryan. And once Ryan gets over his initial hurt and anger, he'll see that Seth didn't intentionally try to hurt him, and that it really was an accident."

Kirsten just shook her head and let out a loud breath. She hoped Sandy was right.

Julie came out before they could continue the discussion, but unlike the day before, she seemed to have a genuine smile on her face, which Kirsten immediately returned. "Everything okay?"

Julie smiled just a little more since it was obvious that Kirsten's question wasn't really a question – more like a statement of fact. "A distinct improvement over yesterday."

"His speech?"

"His speech and his general attitude."

Sandy nodded. "The doctor said he could go home Sunday."

"I know. Ryan told me. Plus he said his headache had lessened to some degree, and he was able to change his sunglasses to ones not as dark, and his speech is improving tremendously with the practice." Julie continued, much to the delight of Kirsten and Sandy. "And, Mr. Cohen, I understand you let him go to the bathroom alone last night. So I let him as well, and I let him get washed and dressed on his own. I think that totally made his morning!"

"Ryan isn't exactly a kid who likes to ask for help, so I figured as long as I stayed close, why not?"

"Well, I definitely think you had the right idea. Now I think you should capitalize on his good mood and keep him talking. Remember - the more he talks…"

Julie again smiled when Kirsten and Sandy both said, "the better his speech." She watched as the two of them went into Ryan's room, reminding them to "call me if you need anything."

Kirsten initially panicked when she didn't see Ryan lying in bed, but was relieved when she noticed him sitting in the chair. When he smiled and said, "hey," she smiled, too.

"Look at you - in a chair!"

"Yeah. Julie said it's okay."

Kirsten couldn't resist leaning down to kiss Ryan. "Feeling better?"

"I get outta here Sunday"

"I heard. Sandy filled me in." Kirsten sat in the chair next to him, and gave his hand a slight squeeze. "I bet you're anxious to go home."

"Be good to sleep in my own bed."

When Sandy and Kirsten exchanged looks and then Sandy said, "You know that things aren't going to be easy just because you're home, you're still going to need a lot of help..."

Ryan knew. "No pool house," Ryan finished.

"It's only temporary until you get back on your feet. You need to stay close, in case you need any help or anything."

Kirsten again gave his hand a gentle squeeze as Ryan simply nodded. He already suspected he wouldn't be allowed to hide out in the pool house, so he really wasn't surprised.

"S'okay, I guess. For little while. But where?"

"Um," Kirsten started and then looked at Sandy. He sat on the edge of Ryan's bed. "Well, since there will be a problem with the stairs, Kirsten and I were talking. There's always our room…"

The look on Ryan's face was more than enough of an answer as to what he thought of that idea.

"Or, we were thinking of maybe getting a hospital bed and putting it in the room off the den."

Again Ryan just looked at them, but when neither one of them said anything further, Ryan finally asked, "So I'm getting out of hospital bed, to sleep in hospital bed? In the bar?"

Ryan waited for the punch line. He figured it had to be a joke of some sort, but when Kirsten gave his hand another squeeze, he knew they weren't kidding.

Sandy shifted on the bed before starting to explain. "There are no windows to bother your eyes, no stairs to get to the bathroom, close to all the rooms on the first floor. If you don't want to sleep in our room, that's the only other solution."

Kirsten and Sandy then waited for the argument to start. At least it would be a good way to keep Ryan talking, but Ryan just shook his head and laughed a little. "Yeah. Fine. 'Kay."

Sandy looked at Ryan and then at Kirsten. She looked just as confused as he felt. "Um, okay. So, I guess that's settled then. No, wait – why no arguing?"

"Am I gonna win?"

"No, but…"

"So why argue?"

When Sandy could only shrug his shoulders and look at Kirsten, and since that was not Ryan's expected answer, Kirsten could only stammer, "Um, hum, because?"

"Because why? I argue, I lose, I sleep in bar. I don't argue, I don't lose, I sleep in bar. Either way, I sleep in bar."

The little smile on Ryan's face made Sandy and Kirsten both laugh. It really was a pleasant relief to see Ryan in a better mood.

Sandy rubbed his hands together as he stood up. "So I guess now would be a good time to tell you about the ambulance that's going to take you home?"

Ryan opened his mouth, unsure of what to say except, "ambulance…um…"

"Because it's the safest, easiest way to get you home."

Ryan closed his eyes and laid his head back on the chair, resigned to just not argue. "Fine."

Sandy smiled at Kirsten as he nodded his head towards Ryan. That was easier then they both thought. He then gave Ryan's leg a pat. "Since Kirsten's here to stay with you, I think I'll just run home, shower and change my clothes."

"Good - you smell." Ryan didn't even bother to open his eyes, but he did smirk.

"Well, not everyone has the benefit of a pretty nurse to help them get all handsome. Some of us actually have to do it ourselves."

"Hey! I did myself this morning!"

"You mean you had a beautiful, young nurse in here willing to help you get washed and dressed, and you did it yourself? Ah, youth. Wasted on the young…"

"Sandy. Go. Get out. Ryan and I will be just fine without your cheesy jokes."

"My jokes are not cheesy. Are they, Ryan?"

Ryan just raised his eyebrows and looked at Kirsten, who also raised her eyebrows; then they both looked at Sandy, making him laugh. "Fine. I can take a hint. I'm going."

They both laughed as Sandy pretended to be insulted and left. But then the room got quiet. Kirsten wasn't exactly sure what to talk about, and Ryan just lay his head back and again closed his eyes.

"Tired?"

"Yeah, little."

"Do you want to move back to the bed?"

"Not yet. I'm good here for now. 'Kay?"

"That's fine. I just don't think you'll be very comfortable if you fall asleep in the chair."

"Mmm. 'Kay."

"You do know Sandy was just teasing you before, don't you?"

Ryan opened his eyes and looked at Kirsten. "Really? No ambulance? No bar?"

"Oh, no. I'm sorry. Not about that. We were serious about that. I meant that Sandy was just teasing you about Julie. She had already told us that you didn't want her help this morning."

Kirsten watched as Ryan sagged back into the chair and closed his eyes again. "Really, Ryan, taking you home by ambulance and helping you avoid the stairs truly is for the best. We'd all hate for anything to happen to you and have you end up right back here in the hospital."

When Ryan didn't say anything and only slightly nodded his head, Kirsten continued. "Look, it's no deep dark family secret that you prefer to do things for yourself, but sometimes you need to trust us that we actually may know what's for the best."

She laid her hand on top of his, and decided to do exactly what Julie said - continue to capitalize on his good mood. "It is okay to ask for help. Sometimes you need to let others be there for you when you need them."

"Mmm."

"I thought Julie said 'mmm' wasn't an acceptable answer?"

Ryan opened his eyes but stared up at the ceiling. "Fine. Sometimes you ask for help, and someone lets you down."

Kirsten hesitated for a second. She was surprised at what he said, but quickly figured, if Ryan brought it up, he must want to talk about it.

"But maybe if you ask that someone why, maybe you'd understand what happened."

"I understand what happened."

"But if you would just talk to him, then maybe you'd understand that it was an accident, and maybe you can figure out how to prevent it from happening again."

"How _I_ can prevent it!"

"No, Ryan. That's not what I meant. I just meant…" Kirsten was startled when Ryan abruptly leaned on the walker and pulled himself up. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Bed. Tired."

Kirsten stood up and tried to put her arm around Ryan, only to have him pull away. "No. Don't worry. I got it."

"I told you – you have to ask for help when you need it."

"Don't need it. I. Got. It."

It was the way Ryan said, "I got it" the second time that bothered Kirsten. "Got what?"

Ryan's look was the only answer he gave as he climbed into the bed, so Kirsten raised her voice slightly. "I said got what?"

As Ryan took of his sunglasses and rolled onto his side, he mumbled, "Got that I can't be mad at your son."

"No. I… I didn't say that. Ryan? Ryan! Do not shut me out."

"Not shutting you out. You said if I tired, I should go to bed. I'm tired. I go to bed. Night."

"Ryan, I…" When Kirsten noticed Ryan bury himself just a little further until the covers all she could do was throw up her hands. "Fine. Good night."

Kirsten waited in the chair for a little while before deciding it would be best to wait outside for Sandy. She felt like such an idiot for not listening to him and rushing to try to make it right. Now she was left wondering how they were ever going to fix it.

Sandy found Kirsten pacing the floor; so deep in thought she jumped when he came up behind her. "Is Julie back already?"

"No. He's, um, sleeping."

It was the hesitation in Kristen's voice that Sandy immediately noticed. "Why? What happened?"

"I tried to capitalize on his good mood like Julie said, and I, ah…"

"You ah what?"

"I asked him to talk to Seth."

Sandy's blank stare was all it took for Kirsten to begin talking quickly. "And it didn't go well. He was already tired when I asked him, and I didn't exactly word it correctly, and I…"

"…really upset him?"

Kirsten sighed as she stared at the closed door. "No. Made him really mad. Now what?"

"Now what? Now nothing. I told you if we tried to force it, it would backfire."

"Oh, it backfired all right. I need to apologize to him when he wakes up."

Kirsten put her hand on the door to go back in and was surprised to feel Sandy's hand on hers, stopping her from pushing the door open. "No, don't. Just drop it for now."

"Why?"

"Because if you try to apologize now, you're only going to make it worse."

"How could I possibly make it any worse?"

"You want Ryan to understand that it was an accident, right? And to do that, you really want him to talk to Seth, right? Well, you can't apologize and tell him you didn't mean it since you did. So if you go in there and tell him that, he'll know you're lying, and that, my dear, will definitely make things worse."

"I hope you're right. I just don't know what to do anymore."

Sandy wrapped his arms around Kirsten and pulled her close. "Just, please, do nothing. Okay? Give him time and space. Let's just get him out of here and home safely"

Kirsten pulled away from Sandy as she looked at the door again. "You know – he never said he was going home."

"Sure he did."

"No, we did. He said he was getting out of here, but he never said he was going home."

"Kirsten, now you're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. You saw how easy he was about the ambulance and sleeping in the bar. He wants to go home. He knows it's home."

"He wasn't being easy. He was being agreeable to getting out of the hospital. That doesn't mean he knows he's going home."

Sandy could only wrap his arms around Kirsten again and hug her just a little tighter. "It's going to be okay. I promise you – everything is going to be okay."

"And if it's not? Then what?"

"Then we all end up living in the Haunted Mansion and letting Ryan have the entire house to himself."

"You're not funny."

"Sure I am."


	14. Home

It was shortly after Ryan woke up that both Sandy and Kirsten noticed the change in him. When he fell asleep, he was very upset at them. Well, not exactly upset, more like down right angry with Kirsten for pushing him to talk to Seth. That changed once he woke up, but the change wasn't necessarily for the better. He was just so calm. Too calm and even more quiet.

The Ryan that woke up was what Kirsten quickly recognized as 'First Year Ryan' – the very reserved, extremely withdrawn, way too quiet kid who had first come to live with them. Kirsten also realized something else – she did not like the return of 'First Year Ryan' very much, but she knew better than to say something this time. She knew Ryan was acting this way because of her, because she rushed to try to make everything right too soon after the accident, and because once again Ryan doubted how much he meant to their family.

'First Year Ryan' stayed around for the remainder of Friday, even after Seth came, and all through the Hanukkah celebration that ended with an extremely quiet game of dreidel. Kirsten sighed as she packed up to leave, remembering how much fun they'd had the year before, but still didn't saying anything. She noticed that Sandy was not treating 'First Year Ryan' any differently than he usually did, so she decided to follow suit. She bent down and gave him a kiss goodbye and tried not to react when he pulled away. All she could do was smile sadly at Sandy as she and Seth left, and hope that Saturday would be a better day.

Of course, Saturday came and went as 'First Year Ryan' continued his extremely quiet, overly calm, very stubborn, tremendously annoying one-word answers and grunts, while still refusing to make eye contact with any of them. Kirsten sighed as she again attempted to kiss him goodbye, and he again turned his head away. Sandy could only nod his head at her, trying to silently reassure her that everything was going to be okay. She sighed again as she shook her head at both of them, and left to pack clothes for both boys – for Ryan to wear home, and for Seth to wear at the Haunted Mansion.

By the time Kirsten got to the hospital early Sunday morning, she was already aggravated. It was bad enough dropping off Seth at her dad's, but she had to do it alone. Sandy was stuck arguing with the rental company since they still hadn't delivered Ryan's hospital bed, only his wheelchair. By the time Kirsten left, Sandy was in full attorney mode, and she almost felt sorry for the guy on the other end of the phone. Almost, but not really since it meant that she alone had to deal with Seth leaving and Ryan not being himself, since she didn't agree with letting Seth leave and letting Ryan be so distant. Nope, she definitely was not a very happy person by the time she got to Ryan's room. She had hoped that the fact he was coming home would lighten his mood just a little, but one look at his face as she entered his room and she knew – he was still 'First Year Ryan', with even more attitude. Lovely, she thought as she pulled his clothes out of the bag and laid them on the bed.

She put on her best fake smile when she noticed that he hadn't even so much as looked in her direction. "I hope you slept well. I bet you're anxious to get out of here. Just think, you'll finally be able to sleep in your own…um, sleep at home tonight."

"Mmm." Ryan still hadn't looked up at her as he picked at the blanket on his bed.

"Look, I know it's not your own bed, but at least you'll be home. And it's only for a little while. You'll be back in your own bed before you know it."

"Uh huh."

"Ryan…" Kirsten exhaled loudly but stopped herself from reciting the lecture that had been rolling around in her head. Instead she pointed to the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. "I brought you a change of clothes to wear home."

Ryan only nodded as he looked at the clothes and then back at his blanket. Kirsten glanced at her watch before looking at the door. "They should be here soon to take you home."

"They?"

"The ambulance company."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Do you want help getting changed?"

"No."

"Are you sure? I can get the nurse, if you'd like."

Ryan only glared as he slowly made his way off the bed, taking the clothes with him. Kirsten could feel her blood pressure rising as she watched Ryan limp to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Kirsten watched as Ryan hobbled out and sat on the edge of the bed, still not making eye contact nor attempting to talk. Kirsten took the dirty clothes from him and began to pack up the remainder of his stuff, waiting and hoping Ryan would say something on his own.

Finally, she stopped and looked at him. "Sandy wanted to be here, too, but he's at home making sure they deliver everything you'll need." She hesitated a moment before adding, "But Seth won't be there."

That finally got Ryan to look at her, obviously unsure as to what Kirsten was talking about but equally unsure what to say. He opened his mouth once but then closed it.

Deciding that maybe casual was the way to go, Kirsten just continued with the packing. "He's staying at the Haunted Mansion until you get settled."

Ryan only shrugged as he looked back down at his feet. A few quiet minutes later, he finally mumbled, "Could always go back to Chino."

"I'm not paying for an ambulance to take you down to Chino."

"Then I pay for it."

"You're not going to Chino. You're going home."

"Home…pfft." It was only a whisper, but Kirsten clearly heard him.

"Yes, home." Kirsten raised her voice as she stood directly in front of him. "And for your information, I never said you couldn't be mad at Seth. You just can't let your anger destroy your relationship with this family."

"_Your family,"_ Kirsten emphasized.

When Ryan didn't answer and continued to stare down at his feet, Kirsten threw up her hands. "I'm going to see what's keeping the ambulance attendants."

A relatively short and yet extremely quiet time later, Kirsten watched as the attendants loaded Ryan into the ambulance. He hadn't uttered a word the rest of the time they waited for him to be discharged or when the attendants finally got there. The closest form of communication from him was a little wave at the nurses who wished him luck and said goodbye. It was frustrating to say the least, but Kirsten knew Sandy was at home. Once Ryan was also home, Sandy would be able to do something about it. There was no way they could continue like this.

As the attendants went to shut the ambulance doors, Kirsten noticed Ryan finally looking at her. With his sunglasses on, she couldn't really read his expression, but at least he was looking at her so she smiled. "I'll be in the car right behind you. I'll see you at home."

It was when Ryan only nodded and looked away that it dawned on Kirsten – he looked scared. Even through his sunglasses, she could see, Ryan was afraid of something.

As she followed behind the ambulance, Kirsten tried to figure out what in the world it could be. Was it because she yelled at him yet again? Was it because Sandy didn't go to the hospital, or that they let Seth leave? Was he afraid of being home alone with them? Kirsten had no idea, and unfortunately neither did Sandy when she called him. But at least he reassured her that it would all be okay once they were all home. He could promise, but all Kirsten could do was hope.

Kirsten pulled into the driveway behind the ambulance and was glad to see Sandy already standing on the front step. At first she thought Ryan was happy to see him, too since he was looking at the front steps. It wasn't until Ryan ignored Sandy's very jovial "hey kid, welcome home" that Kirsten noticed, Ryan wasn't looking at Sandy at all. He was looking over Sandy's head, at the wreath above the door. She then saw him shutter as he looked down at the stairs, at the spot Kirsten realized was where Ryan must have remembered falling to.

"The scene of the crime," Kirsten mumbled as she moved next to the stretcher, and watched as Ryan clutched onto his blanket so hard his knuckles were turning white. As she pried his hand free from his blanket, she whispered, "I think we should get you into the house. The bright sun can't be helping your eyes."

The death grip Ryan had on her hand told Kirsten that she was right about what he was afraid of. But that didn't help her ever-increasing guilt. She should have known that Ryan would have problems with being near the accident scene. Hell, Seth no longer went out through the front door. He kept going through the garage. It would make sense that Ryan would also have a problem. He had every right to have the biggest trouble, and yet Kirsten didn't even stop to think about that in her haste to get him home. Another Mother of the Year moment, Kirsten thought as she gently squeezed Ryan's hand. "It'll be okay. I promise."

Ryan didn't look at her or acknowledge her, but he also didn't let go of her hand. Kirsten at least took that as a small sign that despite it all, he still needed her. In some way, she believed Ryan knew he still needed her.

He held onto her hand until they were safely in the house, and the door was closed. Kirsten was at least able to give his hand one last reassuring squeeze before Ryan pulled it away.

"Well, I have some good news, and I have some bad news," Sandy said as patted Ryan on his shoulder.

"Good news?" Ryan only looked at Sandy with a sideways glance.

"The good news is – you're home!" Sandy joked, but without Seth there with some snappy come back, the joke fell flat as Ryan just stared at him.

Kirsten waited a second to see if Ryan would say anything. When he didn't, she did. "Yes, thank you for that, Captain Obvious."

She smiled when she saw Ryan look down at his blanket. She knew he was trying hard not to smile; she could see the sides of his lips twitching as he pulled harder at the blanket to suppress the smile.

He didn't look up when he asked, "Bad news?"

"Um, bad news. Yeah." Sandy rubbed his hands together as he glanced at Kirsten before continuing. "The bad news is, well, the rental company can't bring your bed for a few days so…"

"So?"

"You'll have to sleep in our room until then."

"That's not so bad…" Kirsten started before Ryan simply said, "No."

"Ryan…"

"No. Pool house fine."

Sandy looked at Kirsten before taking a step closer to the stretcher. "The pool house isn't fine. Not right now. You need to stay close in case you need anything, and you need to avoid stairs. And you need to avoid walking that much, and you're going to want to avoid the direct sunlight for a little while. Our bedroom is the only answer for right now. We can draw the shades. There are only three steps to get in and no stairs to the bathroom. Plus you'll be close in case you need us."

The ambulance attendants started to push the stretcher behind Sandy as he began to lead them to the bedroom. It took Ryan a second before he again said, "No!"

"Ryan…" Kirsten again started before Sandy took over. "No what? I said the pool house was out of the question. So is the spare room. Our room is the only answer for now."

Ryan nodded his head towards the living room. "The couch," only to have Kirsten say, "too much sun." He then pointed towards the den. "Den couch," only to have Kirsten say, "You can't rest on a couch. You need to sleep in a bed."

"No. I… It's…" Ryan frantically looked around as one of the attendants finally spoke up. "Mr. Cohen? Where are we bringing your son?" It was obvious they didn't want to continue standing around, listening to the bickering.

Sandy didn't bother to answer Ryan. He simply told the attendants, "this way," as he led them to the bedroom. The wheelchair was already at the bottom of the three steps, the shades were already drawn and the covers were already turned back. It was obvious that Sandy had already decided Ryan was staying in their room, and nothing Ryan said was going to change that.

Kirsten stood back and watched as Ryan tried to shrug off Sandy's help getting off the stretcher and into the bed. She then watched as Sandy held onto his arm just a little tighter as he continued to help Ryan into the bed. She also noticed that when they both set their jaws, they almost kind of looked alike, and they both most definitely had their jaws very firmly clenched. She left to walk the attendants out, hoping the talk between the two would finally start.

Sandy fixed the covers around Ryan and was mildly surprised at the "thank you" he barely heard Ryan mutter. "Do you need anything? Water? Something to eat?"

"No."

"Are you in pain? The ambulance ride home couldn't have been comfortable. Need something for the pain?"

"No. Gave me something at hospital before I left."

"You sure there isn't anything you need?"

Ryan's only answer was to turn his head in the direction of the pool house, causing Sandy to sigh. "Besides that. Ryan, putting you in our room isn't meant to torture you. It really is…"

"only answer. I know. Where you sleep?"

"Pool house."

Ryan could only glare, causing Sandy to smile a little more. "Sorry. Couldn't resist. Guest room, I guess. One of us could always stay down here in case you need something during the night."

"Can't sleep on couch. Need bed." Ryan knew he was just mimicking Kirsten, but it didn't make sense to him that one of them could sleep on the couch and he couldn't.

"You forget – Kirsten and I lived in the back of a mail truck. We can sleep anywhere. Besides, we're not injured. You are. You need your rest and plenty of quiet. You need to be in a bed."

First Ryan groaned and then he sighed. Finally, he fixed his eyes on the ceiling and didn't say anything else.

"Okay, I'll take that as my sign to go. Get some sleep. We'll let you know when lunch is ready. If you need anything, make sure you shout. Night."

"Night." Ryan waited until he heard the door close before looking around the room. Sandy definitely made sure it was dark enough for him, leaving just the bathroom light on. He tried to relax and not think about the fact he was lying in their bed. Where they slept… and other stuff. No, definitely not the other stuff. That was wrong. It was all wrong. He shouldn't be in their bed, in their house, and Seth was out. Living in the Haunted Mansion. Ryan couldn't believe they just let Seth run away again. Figures he'd leave when Ryan got home. Well, at least he would get the quiet Sandy was talking about with Seth gone. No constant babbling about being sorry, about it being just an accident, about any of it.

Not that Ryan knew he wouldn't have to talk about it eventually. He knew with all of Kirsten's pushing, it was definitely going to come up sooner or later. Sandy may not have said anything yet, but Ryan wasn't stupid. He knew it was coming, especially with Kirsten's constant attempts. It was only a matter of time before there was some sort of Cohen Intervention.

Ryan just hoped he had time. He hoped the talk was later, not sooner. He just wanted time to figure out how he felt. Well, he knew how he felt. He just needed to figure out how to put it into words that they would understand.

Seth should never have left him. Never. Seth was never supposed to leave him. But he did, and Ryan got hurt. In more ways than one.


	15. Dazed & Confused

Ryan didn't know how long he'd been asleep. He was surprised when he woke up because he didn't even remember drifting off. He noticed a bottle of water on the nightstand so he knew either Kirsten or Sandy had come in at least once.

He figured it would be easy to get into the bathroom so he didn't bother to call for help as he slowly pulled himself up. Ryan then sighed as he slowly climbed out of the bed. He hadn't had any dizzy spells during the last few days in the hospital so the sudden wave of lightheadedness caught Ryan completely by surprise. He crashed into Kirsten's dresser, knocking everything over.

Ryan just laid his head on the dresser and waited for the feeling to pass before surveying the damage. The only item that was knocked to the ground was that stupid baseball picture of his that Kirsten insisted on framing. He tried to bend over to pick it up but got dizzy again and slumped against the side of the dresser.

Ryan was trying to straighten up when he heard, "Are you all right? What happened?"

"Sorry. Got dizzy. Picture broke." He was actually relieved to feel Kirsten's hands on his shoulders as she helped him. She took a step back only after he was safely sitting on the bed but still remained close. It was obvious that she was trying not to hover, but still wasn't willing to back away completely. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Where were you trying to go?"

"Bathroom. Got dizzy."

"Why didn't you call for help?"

"Haven't been dizzy lately. No reason to think I would be."

"No reason? You spent the morning being pushed around on a stretcher and jostled about in the back of an ambulance. I think that's good reason for anyone to be dizzy, especially someone recovery from a head injury."

"Sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. You just need to remember to ask for help."

"Sorry."

"Ryan…" Kirsten let out an exasperated sign and then rubbed her forehead. It was obvious that his soft-spoken 'sorrys' were really getting on her nerves, but she refrained from saying anything.

She put her hand on his elbow and started to pull him up. "Here, let me help you this time."

But Ryan just pulled away. "Um… huh?"

"You said you had to go to the bathroom. Let me help you."

"No. I, ah, no. I'm good."

Kirsten couldn't help but be annoyed, and that was noticeable in her tone. "Ryan, you need to let us help you."

Ryan pointed towards the bathroom. "Um… there? That? Ah…"

That's when Kirsten finally caught onto what Ryan was trying not to say, and she laughed. "Oh, no. I'll just help you into the bathroom. I promise, I won't try to help you in the bathroom."

If Kirsten was hoping that Ryan would laugh too, she was most likely disappointed when all she got was a slight nod. At least he was willing to let her help him to the bathroom. It was a small consolation at best.

They both moved slowly as Kirsten kept one arm around Ryan's waist and held onto his arm with her other, stopping just in front of the broken picture frame. Ryan watched as Kirsten bent down and picked up his picture and then kick the broken glass to the side. "Sorry I ruined it."

"Just the glass broke. Luckily the picture is fine, and the frame can be easily replaced." Kirsten placed the picture back on the dresser and smiled at Ryan as she once again put her arms around him. "Just be careful of the broken pieces. I don't want you to cut your foot."

"I clean it up first." Ryan tried to bend down, but Kirsten was holding onto him just a little too tightly.

"Ryan…" Her voice was soft even if her grip wasn't.

"No, s'kay. I got it."

"Really? How?"

Ryan looked down at the pile of broken pieces and then at Kirsten. "Um…" was all he said before he shrugged his shoulders.

"Exactly." Kirsten continued leading him into the bathroom. "You do what you need to do in here, and I'll do what I need to do out here. Deal?"

"Sorry."

"Just…" Kirsten started but then stopped and exhaled loudly. "Please let me know if there's a problem. If you get dizzy or feel sick or something. Okay? Please?"

Ryan again simply nodded as he shut the door, leaving Kirsten to clean up his mess.

When he came out a few minutes later, the broken glass was cleaned up, the covers as well as the pillows on the bed were smoothed and fluffed, and Kirsten was waiting.

Neither said anything as Kirsten stood behind him as he made his way slowly back to the bed. Ryan just sat and looked around. It was then that he noticed the baseball picture was now in a different frame, back in the same spot on Kirsten's dresser. The confused look on his face said it all.

"I took the frame from a different picture- one that I didn't like as much. Feeling better?"

"Uh huh."

"Good. Sandy went to go pick up your prescriptions and lunch. Do you think you're up for a trip to the kitchen for some homemade take-out?"

"No thanks. Just don't… Um, if okay, I stay here."

"Of course it's okay if you don't feel up to coming to the kitchen. It might be a better idea to have lunch in here. Then you can rest some more and be ready for Hanukkah dinner and celebration tonight."

Kirsten recognized the look on Ryan's face, even if he was choosing not to say anything. She knew what he was thinking. "Just stop. I want you to please stop right now."

"I don't…"

"Yes, you do, and I'm asking you to please stop it. You can't shut us out, no matter how hard you try. We will be here for you. No matter what."

She looked Ryan in the eyes and waited as he tried to look away, only glancing at her quickly, hoping she would look away as well. When she didn't, he finally looked at her and waited for whatever else she wanted to say.

Kirsten then did something she had done in the past, but not often. She leaned down and kissed Ryan's cheek. Gently she held onto his face so he couldn't look away. "I want you to remember that you're home now. Please try to remember that – you _are_ home."

Since Kirsten made it impossible for him to turn his head or look down, he had not choice but return her gaze. She only held his face for a minute, even if it felt like longer. Ryan didn't say anything as he swallowed hard.

Kirsten pulled the covers back further. "Lie down. As soon as Sandy gets home, we'll bring lunch in."

Again Ryan just wordlessly nodded as he climbed into bed and stared up at the ceiling.

He didn't say anything as Kirsten arranged the covers around him and gave his shoulder a simple pat. "Lunch will be here soon."

The click of the door closing behind Kirsten finally made Ryan turn his head, catching that baseball picture out of the corner of his eye. He immediately recognized the 'new' frame – it was from a picture of Kirsten and Sandy at some Newpsie event. It was a really nice picture of the two of them, and yet, Kirsten replaced that picture with his Little League picture, from a time when Ryan didn't even live with them.

Ryan continued staring at the picture, not only remembering the day it was taken, but also remembering the day it came to Newport - almost the same time last year. It was his mother's idea of a Christmas gift, sending him all the pictures she had from when he was younger. Some gift, Ryan thought bitterly. It was just more proof that he really was completely and totally out of her life. She didn't even want to keep any of his pictures.

But he also remembered Kirsten's excitement when she saw the pictures, and how she spent a good hour going through them. She asked questions about a lot of them. When where they taken? How old was he? And then she asked if he would mind if she organized them for him. Ryan just shrugged at the time, not exactly sure what she meant by organizing them.

He found out a few days later when a few new photo albums suddenly appeared on the bookself next to Seth's. It was obvious when flipping through the pages that it must have taken Kirsten a great deal of time and energy putting the albums together.

Shortly after that, the framed pictures started popping up. The first one that Ryan noticed was in Kirsten's office. He had gone there to help with some project and saw it on her desk. The single picture frame of Seth in grade school was gone. Replaced with a double frame – Seth on the left and Ryan on the right. They were about the same age. Both were smiling, and both were displayed on her desk.

Right after that, Ryan found that baseball picture in her room. He went to get Kirsten's keys for her and there it was - his Little League picture, on her dresser, in a frame, sitting there as if it had been there since the day it was taken.

Ryan never asked her why exactly. All Kirsten ever said was that she liked the pictures; end of discussion.

It didn't take long before Ryan heard voices, and he knew Sandy was back. A short time later, the door opened and Kirsten came in carrying his lunch tray. Sandy followed behind her, also carrying a tray containing two more lunches.

"Hey, kid. We thought we'd join you for lunch."

"You don't…" Ryan stopped mid sentence and glanced at Kirsten. "Um, thanks."

"Sure, no problem. No one likes to eat alone."

Ryan stared down at his lunch and waited for the tag team parenting to begin. They both didn't have to have lunch with him, so that could only mean the talk was coming, from both sides. But for whatever reason, and Ryan was thankful for them, neither Cohen said anything about Seth or the accident, or asked how he was feeling. No in depth conversations at all.

Sandy told him about the medications – what they were, what they were used for, how long Ryan would have to take them and so forth.

Kirsten talked about the home health care worker that would be coming each day to check up on him – drawing blood, checking his dressings, and looking for signs of infection and so forth.

Then they talked about the weather and the Christmas tree and the great deli sandwiches and then the weather again. Finally they left Ryan to 'rest' until dinnertime, and Ryan breathed a sigh of relief that they actually didn't want him to talk. Yet.

Ryan got nervous for a second when Sandy came in a few hours later for dinner. He waited to see what Sandy would say, but was relieved when Sandy simply said, "Chow time." He then let Ryan walk unaided to the bathroom and then let him hobble towards the door by himself.

But once Ryan managed to make it down the three stairs, he felt Sandy's hand on his arm. Ryan glanced over his shoulder, wondering why Sandy would be stopping him, only to see Sandy pointing to the wheelchair. Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but Sandy shook his head and pointed to the wheelchair again.

"Too far to walk."

"Doctor said…"

"That you could walk short distances. The kitchen is too far."

Ryan groaned as he sat in the chair. The tone of Sandy's voice made it clear that arguing wasn't an option.

As Sandy wheeled him down the hall, Ryan noticed the darkened living room, with just the Christmas tree lights and fireplace illuminating the room. It was the same once they got to the kitchen – the only light coming from candles on the table. In the darkness, Ryan didn't even see Seth until Sandy pushed the chair up to the table.

The silence was awkward as neither boy said anything. They both concentrated on the empty plates in front of them.

The kitchen remained uncomfortably quiet as Sandy took each container of Chinese food, put some on his plate, passed the container to Seth, who put food onto his plate, passed the container to Kirsten who put food on her plate and then on Ryan's until everyone had a plate full of food. And no one started to eat.

Had Ryan bothered to look up from the mountain of food Kirsten had placed on his plate, he would have seen Seth stealing glances in his direction, Sandy looking at both boys and Kirsten looking at Sandy, imploring him to start the conversation.

Finally, Ryan felt a poke on his arm and looked over at Sandy, who was nudging him with a pair of chopsticks.

"Are chopsticks okay, or would you rather have a fork?"

"Chopsticks fine."

"Okay, so eat up. You, too, Seth. Let's all dig in. It's not hospital food. Ryan's home. It's still Hanukkah. We really do have something to celebrate tonight."

Ryan only gave a quiet, "mmm…" as he picked at his food, and just as Seth stuttered a "Um, yeah – welcome home."

It wasn't exactly a glare that Ryan gave him when he looked up, but it certainly wasn't a smile. It was more of a blank stare – he was confused that Seth would actually be talking directly to him. Ryan thought they finally had some sort of an agreement. Until he could figure out his feelings about Seth and the accident, Seth would leave him alone. Obviously, Seth just didn't get it, and Ryan was too damn tired to try to explain it to him yet again.

The rest of dinner continued to be uncomfortably quiet. Both Sandy and Kirsten attempted to make small talk, but succeeded in eliciting only one-word answers, grunts or mumbles from both boys.

The uncomfortable silence continued as the family moved to the living room. Ryan wasn't really paying attention to the activity around him as Sandy pushed his chair into the living room. He didn't bother to look up as Kirsten brought out the gifts, or when Sandy returned to the living room with the candles and the matches. He wouldn't look up when Seth pulled the Menorah from the fireplace mantel.

It wasn't until Sandy finally said, "Ryan" that he actually looked up, and despite the darkened room, he could still see all three of them looking at him.

"Sorry. Tired." He hoped that would be enough. That they'd let him go back to bed and skip this whole forced celebration. Since tired was usually all it took for them to leave him alone, he wasn't expecting the pat on the leg from Kirsten or her very simple, "You can go to bed when we're done."

Nor did he expect Seth to actually talk again. "If he's too tired, we don't have to do this. I can just go."

Go? Ryan wasn't sure what Seth meant by go. Kirsten had said that Seth was only at the Haunted Mansion until he was settled. Well, Ryan was back in their house, so where did Seth think he was going this time?

Ryan almost opened his mouth. He almost asked Seth the question, but Sandy spoke first. "No. We're all here now, and I think you both can manage a little celebrating."

His tone, once again, left no room for argument so Ryan figured it would be easier to just focus on something, anything in the room so he was 'there', but didn't have to say anything to anyone. He turned his head towards the fireplace and caught sight of the stockings.

All four stockings. All four identical stockings. Seth had made sure of that. All Seth had said when he gave it to Ryan was that they all wanted him to have one. He never told Ryan that he made the stocking, nor did Seth tell him that he had to go to a number of different craft stores in order to get the identical lettering and decorations so Ryan's stocking would look just like the rest.

It was the same with the stocking holders. Seth even bought four new stocking hooks so anyone who had never been in the house would think Ryan's stocking had always been there.

And yet, it wasn't Seth who told him about any of that. It was Kirsten who told him when he was helping her take down the decorations. Not because she wanted to, but because Ryan found the old stocking hooks and asked.

Ryan smiled slightly thinking about it, but then caught sight of Seth. He frowned again, pulling himself back to this holiday and the fact that he was in a wheelchair, his leg in a cast, his arm in a sling, with an ever present headache, no spleen and a very irritating inability to talk in complete sentences.

Stocking or no stocking, Seth was the reason for the nightmare of this holiday. He left. That day on the ladder Ryan needed him, and he just left.

Up on that ladder…so high up. Ryan looked down, knowing it would be okay. Even though the ladder moved, he'd be okay, because Seth was there. He was holding the ladder. He'd never let him down…

But Seth was gone. He left. The ladder shifted again and the ground was getting closer and closer…

Ryan jumped when Kirsten put a present on his lap. Since he hadn't been paying attention, he hadn't even noticed that they were moving onto presents. Not until Kirsten put it on his lap, bringing him back to reality. He jumped out of the wheelchair, dropping the present and scaring everyone around him.

Kirsten put her arm around his shoulder as Sandy quickly grabbed hold of his arm, keeping him from falling. They both began to speak at the same time.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry. Too tired. Need to go…to bed. Night." Ryan tried to hobble out of the living room, but Sandy still had his arm.

"Sit. I'll bring you back to the bedroom."

"No. It's 'kay. Living room to bedroom not too far. I'm fine."

Ryan pulled his arm free and hobbled as quickly as he could out of the living room and away from Seth and the stockings and the memories.

No sooner did they hear the click of the bedroom door than Seth looked at his parents. "I've got to go."

Seth was able to leave the room faster than Ryan, leaving Sandy and Kirsten standing alone in the middle of the darkened living room, with the unopened presents on the floor.

"Sandy…"

"I know. I'll talk to him in the morning."

"What are you going to say?"

"I'm not sure yet."

Kirsten waited a second before asking, "We are talking about Ryan, right?"

Sandy put his arms around her and pulled her close. "Yes, dear. This time we're talking about Ryan. I promise, I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"If it helps at all, it seems like Ryan is more upset than he is mad."

"I'm sure he's upset but also mad and hurt and confused. All of those things. I was hoping that coming home would help him begin to sort out those emotions."

Kirsten didn't say anything as she picked up Ryan's gift, went and got a bottle of water and his pills from the kitchen and went into the bedroom.

Ryan was already in bed, without his sunglasses and with his eyes closed. He took the pills from Kirsten and swallowed them with the water. Neither one of them said a word as Ryan lay back down in the bed, and Kirsten left the water on the nightstand and the present at the foot of the bed.

As Kirsten turned to leave, Ryan finally mumbled, "Thanks. Night."

"Night. Call if you need anything."

Ryan then waited for Sandy to make his appearance. He figured it was only a matter of time. Ryan was ready for him when he did come in a short time later.

But Sandy only stood in the doorway. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Tired. Real tired."

"Okay, then. We'll let you get some sleep."

"Thanks."

"See you in the morning, kid. Make sure you call us if you need something."

"Kay. Night."

Ryan lay there for a while after he heard Sandy leave. All the thoughts rattling around in his head made it difficult for him to relax and fall asleep. He wanted to sort them all out. He needed to figure them out. That much he knew. He just didn't know how.


	16. Figuring It Out

Ryan was still playing with his breakfast when Sandy came in, although he wasn't exactly surprised to see Sandy. When Kirsten had brought his breakfast in, she hadn't said a lot or asked too many questions. She'd just left with a pat and a smile, leaving the door open behind her. That's how Ryan knew Sandy would be coming soon.

Ryan hoped that if he just handed him the breakfast tray that Sandy would take it and leave. Instead Sandy put the tray down on the floor and sat at the foot of the bed.

"Not hungry?"

"No."

"Want to talk?"

"No."

"Mind if I talk?" Before Ryan could say anything, Sandy held up his hand. "And before you say 'no' again, that really wasn't a question."

"Figured that."

Sandy looked down at his hands before taking a deep breath and looking directly at Ryan.

"Let me ask you this – why did you go up on that ladder?"

"Hang wreath."

"But why?"

"Why what?"

"You're afraid of heights. You knew Seth was less than enthused about decorating the house and was wrapped up in his own agenda. So why did you go up on the ladder?"

Ryan looked at Sandy, clearly confused. "Um… hang wreath."

Sandy sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Okay, we're clearly not getting anywhere. Let me put it this way - if you knew Seth wasn't a willing participate, why did you insist on finishing the entire job?"

"My fault?"

"No. This is not your fault. You know that, and you know we know that, so don't go there."

"Then what you mean?"

"I asked you boys to decorate the house for Kirsten. We agree on that, right?"

Ryan simply nodded so Sandy continued. "But you knew Seth didn't want to. So why didn't you just do your share and leave the rest for Seth?"

"Then not finished when Kirsten got home."

"And…"

"And she be disappointed."

"But not at you."

Ryan opened his mouth as he caught on to where Sandy was going, but Sandy again held up his hand, stopping Ryan from responding. He had a point to make, and he wanted Ryan to hear it.

"So instead of doing just your share, you once again covered for Seth and did more. And had it not been for the accident, Seth would have once again gotten away with doing less than his share."

When Ryan just looked down at the blanket he was picking at, Sandy went on. "I get that you hate seeing Kirsten or me disappointed, so you're willing to do more than your share. But that isn't exactly fair to you, and it certainly doesn't help Seth."

This time all Sandy got was a shrug from Ryan. "You want to help Seth? Don't cover for him. If I ask you boys to do something, do only your share and let Seth do his."

"If he doesn't?"

"Just leave it. Before you joined this family, it was a whole lot easier to know when Seth didn't do what he was asked, because no one did it for him. And despite what you two may think, we both know there are times – a lot of times – when Seth still doesn't do his share, but we can't do anything about it. Not as long as you cover for him. Stop covering for him and come to me."

"Come to you?"

"Yes."

A roll of Ryan's eyes, and Sandy knew that despite everything that had happened, that was still very unlikely. "Fine. Don't come to me. But from now on, just do your share. No more. No less. If something isn't done, I'll know."

"That's it? Now I forgive and forget? He left me… up on that ladder."

It was the tone Ryan used. The way he quickly threw in 'up on that ladder' that confirmed to Sandy exactly how Ryan was feeling. He again patted Ryan's leg.

"He didn't leave you – at least not the way you think. Yes, he walked away from the ladder. He wasn't thinking, that much is obvious. But as mad and upset as you are right now, try to remember to ask yourself this – do you honestly think Seth would do something that would intentionally hurt you? He did something stupid, thoughtless and yes – selfish. Kirsten and I have both used all three of those words when talking about what happened, but it wasn't intentional. Is that enough for you to be able to forgive and forget? That's up to you."

Sandy stopped to watch Ryan, trying to judge his reaction so far. When he saw that Ryan was still looking down at the blanket and only nodding his head ever so slightly, Sandy decided he might as well continue.

"I will say this much – as far as forgetting, I think it's a safe bet that not one of us will ever forget what happened. Forgive? Again, only you can decide that. Kirsten and I cannot and will not tell you that you have to forgive him. But I can tell you this – you two will live under the same roof until you're 18. After that, I know we can't stop you from leaving us. We just hope you don't."

"Left last summer."

"That was different. And you only left this house, not this family. We were still very much a part of your life. This year, you aren't leaving. So if you can't forgive, then you'll need to think of a way to live together."

Ryan finally looked up and stared out the window at the pool house, and Sandy decided that was enough for now.

"Kirsten and I have to go shopping later. Do you think you'll be okay here alone? If you want, we'll move you to the den. We'll keep the shades down so the room is darker. You can try to watch some T.V. or maybe at least listen to it. We'll keep the phone next to you. That way if you need us, we'll only be a phone call away."

Ryan simply nodded again but never looked away from the pool house. Sandy patted his leg again, picked up the breakfast try and left. He hoped Ryan heard at least part of what he said.

Sandy was still very lost in his own thoughts as he left the bedroom and almost collided into Kirsten, subconsciously twisting her wedding rings as she waited for him.

"Well?"

Sandy motioned her to follow him as he headed for the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, she asked again, "Well?"

"We talked. Well, I talked."

"Did he listen?"

"I think so."

"Did you tell him we were leaving him alone so he could think?"

"I told him we needed to go shopping."

"I still don't like the idea of him being here alone. What if something happens?"

"I told him that we'd move him to the den. We'll leave the phone right next to him. We'll make sure he has something to eat and drink. He'll be fine. We need to give him the breathing room he needs to think this through. You know he needs the alone time."

"The brooding time…"

"He's earned the right."

"I know. You're right. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Kirsten, none of us like it, least of all Ryan."

Two hours later, Ryan found himself in the darkened family room, with the house phone, his cell phone, a sandwich and chips, two bottles of water, the TV remote control, a blanket and a pillow.

At least he was alone. It only took a number of promises to Kirsten that he would call if anything happened before they finally left. Now that he was alone and out of their bedroom, Ryan thought briefly of going out to the pool house, but figured if something did actually happen, the Cohens would never leave him alone again.

Ryan closed his eyes and tried to enjoy listening to ESPN. It still bothered his eyes to watch television, but at least he could listen now without making his headache any worse. Unfortunately, the noise didn't help distract Ryan from thinking about what Sandy said.

Fine, maybe he shouldn't have climbed that damn ladder, but how hard was it for Seth to stand there for maybe five minutes total? That was what Ryan was having trouble getting over. They would have been done in five minutes if Seth had just stood there by the ladder and not walked away. The house would have been decorated for Kirsten when she got back - she'd have been happy, Sandy would have been happy, and everything would have been fine.

They would have celebrated Hanukkah at home, Ryan would have finished his physics project on time and correctly, Seth could have continued his 'woo-ing' of Summer, and Ryan would be sleeping in his pool house, with his spleen, a healthy shoulder and leg and the ability to speak properly.

Five minutes – that's all he'd asked of Seth. Just five more minutes. If Seth could give him a reasonable explanation as to why he couldn't help for five more minutes then maybe they could talk about forgiving and forgetting.

Ryan also knew that he would have to somehow explain to the Cohens how and why he still felt the way he did. It was tiring, to say the least, and Ryan suddenly found the noise of the television to be a distraction. He turned it off, hoping in the silence he'd be able to wrap his head around everything

He was starting to doze off, trying to figure out how to put it all into words when he heard the door leading to the garage open. Ryan sat up, expecting to see Kirsten and Sandy home early, and was surprised to see Seth coming into the den.

His first instinct was to be mad, figuring it was some kind of a set up. They'd moved him to the den and then left so Seth could come in, and Ryan would be forced to talk to him. But the look on Seth's face, the way he frantically began looking around the room told Ryan that Seth had no clue he would be in the den alone. Plus, Ryan quickly realized, that despite it all, it really wasn't their style to be that sneaky

Seth finally gave a little wave towards Ryan, but Ryan just stared at him. Then Seth took a step further into the room. "Um, sorry. I didn't know. I thought you were… um. So, where is everyone else?"

"Mall."

"Ah – the post-Hanukkah, pre-Christmas shopping excursion. Well, I think it's safe to assume that based on that whole naughty and nice theory, there will only be presents for one of us under the tree this year."

Ryan just looked away without acknowledging the lame joke.

"Yeah. Um, so. I just need to get some clothes and stuff, and then I'll be out of your way. Sorry. I wouldn't have come in if I knew you were in here. I swear."

"Mmm."

"But um… just one more thing. Would you mind if I did some laundry before I leave? I promise to stay in the laundry room."

"Why?"

"Julie's made it perfectly clear that I may be in her house, but she certainly won't do my laundry. And I don't want to leave it for Mom. I promise, I'll stay there, though."

"No," Ryan struggled to get out. "Why there?"

As much as Seth wanted to understand what Ryan was asking, and spare him from having to struggle even more, he just wasn't sure what exactly Ryan was trying to get at.

"Why there? Okay, if you don't want me to stay in the laundry room, I can always stay upstairs, or I can leave and come back. Whatever you want."

As Ryan began to groan and rub his forehead, Seth began to panic. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I just don't know what you mean. I mean, I know not knowing what you mean is my fault, because if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be having a problem telling me what you mean, and I would understand what you were trying to ask me, so I'm sorry. For not knowing what you mean, and for being the reason that I don't know what you mean."

Ryan just glared at him and then made the effort to clarify, "Why Haunted Mansion?"

"I don't know. I had no place else to go. I couldn't exactly stay at Summer's, and I'm not exactly close friends with anyone else. The Nana lives in New York, and Aunt Hailey lives in Japan. So it was either the Haunted Mansion or the streets, and as mad as Mom and Dad are at me, I don't think they'd make me live on the streets."

"Why run away again?"

"Run away? I… you think I ran away? No. I…no. I didn't mean to make you think I ran away. I swear, Ryan, I just knew that it would be easier for you if I weren't here when you came home. Leave for a while, not run away. I never meant to make it look like I was running away. It's just better for you to be home without me for a while."

"Your house, not mine. Didn't need to leave it cause of me."

"Actually it's not my house either. It technically belongs to the 'rents, and they're both kind enough to force us to live here until the ripe old age of eighteen."

When Ryan didn't answer and only began to lie back down on the couch, Seth took that to mean that Ryan was done talking to him. As he began to walk out of the den, he heard Ryan ask, "Why walk away?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were done talking to me. Was there something you needed? I can…"

"NO!" Ryan growled. "Not now. That day. Why?"

Seth sat in the chair next to Ryan, unable to answer or even look at him at first. He wrung his hands together as he stared at the coffee table, trying to think of something, some kind of answer.

"I don't know," was all Seth could finally come up with. "I've asked myself that question at least a million times a day since that day, and I still don't know."

Neither boy would look up as Seth continued to talk. "I wanted to be done. Hell, I never even wanted to start. You know that. It was wrong. We both know that. But I didn't want to be there. I thought… You had the wreath on the nail. It was hung. You were done. But then you started straightening it. Summer called, and I wanted to tell her about the CD I made. But it was in the garage. I looked up. You were still straightening the wreath. I figured you wouldn't need me for another minute or two. I could quickly get the CD from the garage, and then come back and hold the ladder while you climbed down."

Ryan continued to rub his forehead while Seth continued to wring his hands. Ryan still wouldn't look at Seth, nor would Seth look at Ryan as he continued.

"I was only gone like a minute or two. When I got back from the garage, you were on the ground. I don't even know when you fell or how you fell. You were just there, not moving and all that blood was coming from your head…"

Ryan shuddered and clutched the blanket, and Seth once again knew what he was saying was wrong. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I'm sure you don't need me to remind you about what happened. It's just, well, this is the first time you've actually asked me about the accident. I'm not sure what to really say, except to say sorry again and again, which doesn't really help, I know."

Seth paused a minute and watched as Ryan continued to hold onto the blanket and concentrate on the non-existent pattern on the couch, not looking at him or once again acknowledging him. "Okay, I guess I should just go. I'll come back later when Mom and Dad are here."

Ryan still didn't look at Seth, but he did mumble, "Still don't have to leave your own house."

"I told you - it's just as much your home as it is mine, and until you can deal with me here, I won't stay."

"That make everything okay?"

"No. But what can I say? I screwed up bigger than I've ever screwed up in my life. I can't say or do anything to change that. I can continue to tell you that I'm sorry, because I am. Sorrier than I've ever been about anything, but I can't fix it. I can't take it back. I can't _do_ anything. I can't make you forgive me or even not hate me. All I can do is stay out of your way, for however long you want me gone."

"Grand gesture?"

Seth sighed as he turned to leave the den. "Nope. No grand gestures. My best friend once told me that I needed to accept the fact that sometimes you can't fix the things you've screwed up with grand gestures. Sometimes there is no way to be forgiven."

Ryan still stared blankly at the couch as Seth started to head for the door. He was almost out the door when Ryan finally said, "Get me out of parents' room."

"You want me to get you out of Mom and Dad's room?" Seth paused and looked at Ryan who nodded confirmation.

"That's what you really want? Sorry, stupid question, of course you want out of Mom and Dad's bed. Who wouldn't except for, well, them. Okay, I think I can do that, but even with my powers of persuasion, I don't think I'll be able to convince either one of them to let you stay in the pool house for a while."

"That okay. Just – get me out of their room."

Ryan stood up and began to hobble out of the den. Seth quickly got behind him, wanting to help, but not wanting to get in Ryan's way. He followed Ryan back to his parents' bedroom, neither boy saying anything further.

Finally as Ryan turned to shut the bedroom door, he told Seth, "Too tired. Talking real stupid. Need sleep. Get me out of bedroom, then come home." With that, he shut the door, leaving Seth to figure it out.

A little while later, Seth was frantically moving the furniture in the bar and talking rapidly on the phone when Sandy and Kirsten came home. He waved at his obviously amusement parents, but otherwise did not acknowledge them as he rattled off the number to his emergency-only credit card, and then promised whomever he was talking to an extra $50 if he or she was there before dinner.

Even after hanging up the phone, Seth still didn't bother to explain his mysterious conversation to either parent as he pushed a bar stool towards Sandy. "Here, Dad, take this. Put it in the kitchen or the garage, anywhere, just get it out of here."

Sandy only looked at Kirsten, then at the bar stool before looking at Seth again. "Would you like to tell me why I'm getting rid of it, who you were on the phone with, and why whomever it was is getting fifty bucks to be here by dinner?"

Still scanning the room and pushing furniture towards the den, Seth just absent-mindedly said, "Same day mattress delivery people. Mom, we need sheets and blankets and pillows. Full size. I ordered full size."

"Seth, wait. Stop. Mattress delivery people? Full size? Why did you order a full size mattress, and what does that have to do with moving out the bar furniture? And where is Ryan?"

"Well, the rental company doesn't seem to think we need a hospital bed any longer, and given some of the things Dad said to them the other day, they have no desire to rush us over one. So I had to buy a bed, not just a mattress. Oh, and Ryan's asleep in your room for now."

As Seth pushed another bar stool towards the den, Sandy stopped him. "For now? What do you mean for now? Why did you call the rental company, and why did you buy a bed?"

Seth sighed and rubbed his forehead. He finally began to explain so his parents would let him get back to work. "I came in before. You were both gone. Ryan was in the den. Naturally, I thought that was a really bad thing, but we actually talked – kind of. He asked me to get him out of your room. So that's why I tried the rental company first, but Dad, you really didn't make too many friends there. Since they wouldn't help me, I had to buy a bed. And since you guys already told Ryan he could sleep in the bar, that's why I'm moving out the furniture. Now, I don't have much time, can you please help?"

"But then we decided that Ryan should sleep in our room." Kirsten said.

"Yeah, well, you and Dad decided that. Ryan, on the other hand, didn't decide that. He wants out. He knows he can't sleep in the pool house yet, and he seems fine with that. But think about it – your bedroom is where stuff happens. Stuff that no kid wants to think about. Yet that's where you put Ryan. Kinda gross, if you ask me."

"And you think buying him a bed will make it up to him?"

"No, of course not. But he asked me to do something. I need to do this for him. Please?" Seth hated how desperate he sounded, but he knew he had to do this. "Please. I can't make it up to him with just one simple act, but if I can prove to him that I can be there for him - that I won't let him down again - then maybe, just maybe, one day he can trust me again. I really, really need to do this."

Kirsten didn't say anything else as she left the room. Sandy picked up one of the bar stools while Seth picked up another, and they put them in the garage. As they continued to move the other stuff out, Kirsten returned with pillows, sheets, and blankets.

She then went out to the pool house, and came back with more of Ryan's clothes. She placed them on the bar before scanning the room. "He'll need a little more privacy here. I remember seeing those folding room partitionsat Pier One. I think I have time to run down and pick them up. There was also a little table that should work nicely as a nightstand. I'll be back soon."

Seth actually kissed her goodbye before turning to his father. "He said I could come home if I got him out of your room. I'm not sure if he meant it, but well, I really want to prove to him that I can be here for him. So I'm going to go get my stuff. I won't unpack it in case he wants me to leave again, but you know, at least he talked to me."

"It's going to take time. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know, but if I don't at least start trying, it'll take even longer."

Seth turned around just before he walked out of the door. "Um, Dad? Thanks."

Sandy waited until he was sure Seth was gone before heading towards the bedroom. He knocked quietly, but then he opened the door even though he didn't hear a response, figuring Ryan was still asleep.

Ryan was just coming out of the bathroom and nodded at Sandy. "Figured see you soon."

"Because?"

"Because Seth."

"Ryan, you don't have to do this. This morning, I didn't mean that you had to resolve this all right now."

"I know."

"So?" Sandy didn't wait for Ryan's answer and continued, "I know I shouldn't have to ask this, but this isn't some kind of cruel joke? Seth is running around like crazy trying to get a bed set up for you. You aren't just doing this out of spite, right?"

"Course not."

"Then why?" Again Sandy didn't wait for Ryan's answer, "Don't do this because of me or Kirsten or even Seth. You need to work this out for yourself. I meant what I said about not forcing you to forgive and forget."

"I know."

When it became obvious that Sandy wasn't going to say something more this time, and he was actually expecting Ryan to talk, Ryan sat on the bed and stared at his hands. "He walked away. I fell. He knows. His fault. I asked. He didn't give stupid answers. So, don't know."

"Well, let me ask you this – is it going to be hard for you being in the same house with him?"

"Yes. But hard no matter what. This way everyone happy."

"Really? How so?"

"Seth home. You and Kirsten happy. Seth helped me so he happy, and I…um…"

Ryan stopped, trying to figure out how to put it into words that Sandy would understand.

Sandy only laughed. "And you're out of the 'rents' room, where things go on that no kid wants to think about."

"Um…"

"Don't worry – Seth already explained that to us."

"Yeah, well. He's right."

"Yeah, well, you're stuck in here for a little while longer. There's still furniture to move, the bed to deliver and set up. A lot of commotion, plus there's no way to do it without the lights on. So you're stuck here till then."

"Sorry. Didn't know so much trouble. Just thought…"

"No, don't be sorry. Honestly, I think it's a good idea, as long as it's what you want, and I really do mean for more reasons than just getting out of our room."

"Sandy, it fine. Still mad, can't help it, but will try to move past it. Somehow need to move past."

First Sandy clapped Ryan on his shoulder, but then pulled him into a gentle hug. "We really are very proud of you. I hope you know that."

All Ryan could do was nod slightly, stare down at the floor and then quietly climb back into the bed. "Let me know when can be sprung from here."

"Sure, kid. Everything should be set up by dinnertime. I'll come help you move, and then we can celebrate the last night of Hanukkah."

Dinner that night was still quiet. Much more quiet than any of them liked, except for maybe Ryan. Still, it was obvious that there was less stress. Somehow it didn't feel as tense in the kitchen. Ryan still didn't direct much of what little conversation he attempted towards Seth, but he did seem much happier being set up in the bar room.

Both boys actually participated in the last night of Hanukkah, and although there was still no family game of dreidel, Ryan did allow Seth to help him to bed that night. Another small step for them both.

Give it time, Sandy promised Kirsten that night when they were lying back in their own bed. Over time things would improve for them all. Sandy had faith that both boys learned from this mistake, and this time, Kirsten actually believed him. After all, it couldn't get any worse, now could it?


	17. Epilogue

It was almost a relief when the whole Chrismukkah season was over, and the New Year had begun. With the start of the New Year, things slowly got better in the Cohen house.

By Christmas Day, Ryan was actually able to sit in the living room with the Christmas tree on without his sunglasses, but he still got frequent headaches. But slowly over time, the daily headaches did diminish until one night he realized he hadn't felt that familiar dull ache all day.

His speech too gradually returned to normal. There were still some problems when Ryan was tired or aggravated, but on the whole, he was finally able to speak 'not stupid' as he put it.

His other injuries were also healing. Not as fast as Ryan would have liked, but he was healing, nonetheless.

As with his health, his relationship with Seth was improving – slowly. Kirsten and Sandy were happy to see that both boys were learning from the accident. Seth did his best at keeping his promise to always try to have Ryan's back and not let Ryan do it all by himself. Ryan did his best to, well, not always do it all and to let Seth have his back.

The first time Kirsten and Sandy noticed was shortly after Ryan returned to school. They found him hunched over some books at the kitchen table one morning, studying for some test he claimed not to be ready for. They watched as Seth wordlessly placed a cup of coffee next to Ryan, and Ryan only grunted a response. Then Seth got out a glass of orange juice and Ryan's medications. He placed the orange juice next to the cup of coffee and bumped Ryan's shoulder to give him his pills. Again, Ryan barely acknowledged Seth as he popped the pills into his mouth and chugged the orange juice before turning his attention back to his books. Kirsten was about to say something about Ryan needing to eat but stopped as she watched Seth smearing cream cheese on a bagel. Again, this was placed next to Ryan wordlessly before Seth started making his own breakfast.

There were other changes as well, not so subtle changes. The first was around Sandy and Kirsten's anniversary, when Kirsten had called to ask the boys to polish the good silver. Rosa was away visiting her new granddaughter, and Kirsten was planning a special dinner for two. She was stuck working late and returned home to find only half of the silver polished. She immediately knew which one of them finished his chore and immediately went looking for the one who hadn't.

She found them both in Ryan's room playing Grand Theft Auto. One look at Kirsten's face and Ryan couldn't hide his smirk. He started to laugh as Kirsten dragged a slightly stunned Seth out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen.

As she lectured Seth about doing what he was told, she caught sight of Ryan standing in the doorway, smiling. She told him to go back to his room as he would be playing Play Station alone until Seth finished polishing the silver as well as washing the fine china. As he turned to leave, he saw her wink and smile, and Kirsten could hear him laughing all the way back to his room.

After that, it seemed like Ryan no longer felt the need to hide when he was annoyed at Seth. That fact took both Sandy and Kirsten by surprise at dinner one night when Seth continued to go on and on about Summer. Apparently Seth failed to notice Ryan's glare, until Ryan finally threw some Moo Shoo Pork at Seth, hitting him squarely in the face.

Kirsten tried to sound stern as she attempted to lecture Ryan about throwing his food, but really couldn't stop laughing long enough to sound all that serious. Sandy just laughed as Ryan just shrugged his shoulders and gave a very half-hearted 'sorry'. And Seth quickly changed the subject.

Of course, there were the low times, too - like when Ryan woke up with a fever of 102 – only two weeks after the doctor discontinued his antibiotic therapy. He wasn't happy when Kirsten decided to by-pass calling the doctor and drove him straight to the emergency room, not even giving Ryan the chance to change out of his pajamas. He was even madder when it turned out to be nothing very serious, but still required two shots, that did not go into his arm.

Plenty of bed rest and some brooding time later, Ryan was better. Soon though it was Seth's turn to be sick. He had expected to be carted off to the hospital as well and was mildly surprised when Kirsten just told him to go back to bed - she'd call the doctor when the office opened.

Questioning why only led to Sandy's explanation of Ryan's compromised immune system and some serious gloomy looks from Ryan that it seemed only Kirsten saw. Kirsten quickly ordered Seth into the car, pajamas and all and brought him over to the emergency room. She was actually impressed with Seth as he dropped his pants and demanded the same shots as Ryan. Embarrassed, yes. Kirsten was definitely embarrassed but proud nonetheless.

It was actually nice the first time the two of them got in trouble together. It started out as a simple argument over what to do on a Friday night. Seth wanted to hang out in the arcade down at the mall. Ryan wanted to go see a movie. They left without solving their dispute. All they knew was that they were going out and were expected home by 11:00.

Sandy sat in the living room at midnight waiting for them to come home, ready with his lecture and to hand down his grounding. At 12:15 – 1 hour and 15 minutes late - they both came slinking in, and quickly explained that after grabbing a bite to eat, they decided to hang out at the arcade for a little bit and then catch the late movie. They didn't realize the time until after the movie was over. They were sorry. They should have called. It would never happen again, and all the other normal teenage babbling that a parent usually hears at times like that.

Sandy was silently proud of the fact neither boy was willing to back down from what they wanted and that they were actually able to compromise. Still, he warned them not to let it happen again and sent them off to bed. He made sure they were both in their rooms before he proudly told Kirsten what happened.

No one would ever say the accident was the best thing that ever happened to their family. Not at all. It was the worst, most God-awful nightmare they had ever had to deal with. But they did deal with it, and they survived. And just maybe they were all a little stronger for it.

Seth learned that it was time to started acting his age and be more responsible. And Ryan? He also learned to act his age and be less responsible.


End file.
